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Ava
After the impromptu livestream,the next couple of hours are a disconnected haze in which I maniacally refresh the registration page. The weather has been mild, but sunny and pleasant the past few days, causing an intermittent pang of homesickness and reminding me that this is the best time of year back in Austin. It’s the one month of the year when the weather’s not too cold and not too warm, and it’s when I normally do a lot of hiking in and around the city.
There is no hiking right now. There’s only the balcony connected to my room in Lucky’s Jazz Manor. So there I sit, on the same chaise lounge where I put on my little passive aggressive show for him, only a couple of feet from where I kissed him more than I should have.
This entire situation has me in a constant state of general unease. I just want to go home.
With my attention fixed on the screen of my laptop, I don’t notice the footsteps approaching until they stop right next to me.
“Ava.”
I glance up to see Patrick standing in front of the other chaise lounge. He’s wearing jeans and a light gray t-shirt that isn’ttight, but just fitted enough to accentuate his broad shoulders and narrow waist. His appearance is striking, not just because he’s basically a perfect male specimen, but also, for once he’s not dressed in a vintage three-piece suit like every single man in this house wears every day.
There’s a reason Patrick is so dressed down, and I have a feeling it’s not only significant, but also the reason why he’s in my room right now.
I slide the laptop farther down the lounge chair and turn to face him. “Hey. Is everything okay?”
He glances at the chaise lounge just behind him. “Mind if I sit?”
I smile. “Of course not. Have a seat.” I close the lid of the laptop. “I’m just obsessively refreshing the ticket sales.”
He offers me a quick, mirrored smile in return, and then gazes at me for an extended moment.
“What’s going on?” I ask after several beats of silence.
“I have a car. I know a guy in Metairie who said I could borrow his for a while since he’s obviously not going anywhere.” Patrick nods sideways at the inside of my room, and I notice two duffle bags, stuffed to their limits. “I’m leaving today. And I’m here to ask you if you want to come with me.”
Hope springs to life in my chest, and I sit up straight. “You have a car?”
He nods. “Yeah.”
“And you’re…” I look at the bags again. Obviouslyhe’s serious, so I don’t need to ask. “You would drive me all the way to Austin?”
“No,” he says soberly. “I’m going to Brooklyn.” He briefly drops his gaze to his feet and rubs his palms together. “A friend of ours who’s been in the ICU with this virus passed away the other day. His ma said I could stay at his apartment for a while, and I’m planning to sort through his stuff so she doesn’t have to. Y’know, as a favor. I’ll take over his rent and eventually the lease so she doesn’t have to worry about that either.” He meets my gaze again. “So, if you come with me, we’re going to Brooklyn, and we’re gonna stay there until this whole thing is over.”
My pulse suddenly thumps loudly in my ear. “You want me to basically…like…temporarily moveto New York with you?” I glance at his bags again. “And you want to go right now?”
“Yeah,” he says simply, eyes still trained on mine.
I swallow. “Well, Patrick…I…I mean—”
“I’m in love with you, Ava,” he says, imperturbable and collected, as though the five words he just said weren’t the least bit earth-shaking. “So, I’m asking you to come with me. I want to be with you, so I’m asking you to come with me. I think I can make you happy, so I’m asking you to come with me.”
I open my mouth to respond even though I know I can’t possibly formulate a coherent reply toall thatjust yet, but he speaks again.
“However,” he adds, his voice slightly more assertive, “I know you’re gonna say no. And that’s okay. But I’m leaving, and I didn’t want to go without coming right out and telling you exactly how I feel. About you.”
“Patrick, I…” I shift to the edge of the chaise and lean forward slightly. “This is kind of…sudden.”
“I know I’m putting you on the spot, and that really isn’t my intention. It’s just unavoidable given my need to tell you that.” He reaches to pick up my hand and slides his thumb across the back of it. “Ineeded to tell you how I’ve felt since the beginning. That you’re everything I didn’t even know I wanted in someone. That I’m going to be pissed at myself for a long time because I didn’t go about any of this the right way. And that made it so I’ll never have you, and that I also can’t even be a part of the band anymore.”
I shake my head slightly in a feeble attempt to process this.
He’s leaving Lucky’s bandbecause of me.
I can’t help feeling a bit like Yoko Ono.
