Fuck.
Now what?
Now, she’s probably going to hand over that information to Xavier, and that means one half of her job is done. Andthatmeans it’s going to be time for her to move on to the other half, which is tokill me.
I gotta think fast. Confronting her right here, right now is a surefire way to cause all kinds of chaos, andnot to mention, Papá might not even believe me. Ever since we worked out all this shit on the day of the yacht club party, Papá has been utterlysmittenwith Natalia. If I try to dredge up all of this shit now, he’s going to think I’m just throwing her under the bus out of desperation because I don’t want anything to do with his brand-new lifestyle overhaul for me.
What I need to do is let Natalia dig her own grave, and then confront her, and then force her to come talk to Papá with me.
So, I’m going to have to let her go ahead and have that conversation with Xavier, but I’m going to get evidence of it. Then, she can either cooperate and get off a little easier, or she’s gonna go all the way down with Xavier and all his fucking cohorts.
So, no sleeping pill tonight. I’ll pretend to sleep, and when she inevitably crawls out of bed to pull out the secret phone, I’ll be right there lurking behind her withmyphone, recordingall of it.
Two months into this fake as fuck marriage, the charade is about to end.
And then, it is fuckingonlike Donkey Kong.
AFTER MAKING OUR WAY up to my room, Natalia changes into a nightgown and silently slips into bed without saying anything.
I stand across the room, absently stripping off my shirt and tossing it onto a chair, and watch her for a moment. “How are you feeling, baby doll?”
She shifts onto her side with her back to me and pulls the sheet tightly around her. “Sore.”
An involuntary frown tugs the corners of my mouth. It hits me over the head like a two-by-four that I’ve never been so fiercely pulled in two opposite directions. This woman is literally aligned with the sworn enemy of my family. She’s literally here to kill me and help steal the livelihood my father built with his own two hands. At the same time, I can’t help caring for this woman; I can’t helpwantingthis woman; I can’t deny the fact that I have been utterlyweakfor her since the first moment I woke up next to her. And because of all of that, I can’t change the fact that Idolove her.
And even though I know in only a matter of hours, she’s going to report back to Xavier with what Papá told her, and I’m going to have to confront her, seeing the physical pain she’s in from a run-of-the-mill injury makes me that much more weak for her. It causes the pang in my chest of thosefeelingsto radiate, and I can’t help crawling under the sheet with her and pulling her to hold her against my chest.
“I’m sorry you’re hurting,querida.” I kiss the spot below her ear. “I wish I could make it feel better.”
Natalia draws in a ragged breath that sounds like she’s biting back tears, and then exhales quietly. “You are a good man, Joaquin. I hope you know how good you are.”
It’s hard to believe anything she says, but I wonder if she actually means that. I wonder if there’s a semblance of a conscience hidden inside her somewhere. Or if not, if there ever was before the cartel got to her. Nobody’s born bad, so there had to have been a time in her life when she was still good.
“I think I’m just a regular guy, and you’re just used to being around bad guys.” My words feel like double-speak. On the surface, I’m obviously referring to her nasty ex I don’t remember encountering. Just below that, we both know the actual bad guys she’s been around are way worse, and she’s one of them. She just doesn’t realize that we’re on the same page. But she will soon.
“I suppose that is true.” She shifts, nestling her cheek deeper into the pillow and pressing her back firmly against my chest. “What you said earlier… what you’ve told me since that party,” she goes on, “that you love me. Is it true? Can you truly love a person who is still mostly a stranger to you?”
I mean… Ishouldn’t, but I’m clearly an idiot who can’t control what his heart decides to do. Nevertheless, I have to be honest with her for the sake maintaining trust just so I can use it to shake her down for the truth. “I think so. Because I just do.”
I hate how much those feelings of real love gnaw at my chest. That nagging ache. The undeniable evidence that I care. The feeling of being pulled fiercely in two opposite directions; of being in love with her, but also knowing who she is and what I have to do. The feeling that’s like a wish that all of this was different.
She’s perfectly silent for a stretch of seconds, and then the tiniest hitched breath puffs out of her mouth.
“And that makes you sad,” I prompt, still quiet.
“Me rompe el corazón.”
It breaks her heart.
So, is this the seasoned actress talking, or is this the long-missing conscience rearing its head?
I draw the tip of my nose up the nape of her neck. “¿Por qué, cariño?”
“Porque… porque…because…” She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I’m just sad for some reason today. I wish I could tell you why.” She laughs lightly, but it comes out forced. “I got my period today, and it makes me crazy. Women can be crazy from that sometimes. I’m sure you know that with so many sisters.”
I chuckle in an effort to not cringe because that’s the damn truth, but there’s no way I’m gonnago therewith her. Even if she is a two-faced, murderousmafiosa, I know better than to even suggest that periods make women crazy.
“You’re not crazy, but I’m sure that’s not helping you feel less crappy after your tumble down the steps today.” I kiss her neck and give her a gentle squeeze. “I think you just need to rest. I think we both do.” I shift away from her and lie on my back, then switch off the bedside lamp. “We’ll get a good night’s sleep in preparation for a full day of furniture shopping tomorrow. I promise to make it fun for you, baby doll.”
