NATALIA
SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG with me, and I don’t know what it is, but I’m now totally fucked.
I’m obviously familiar with people’s various and sundry vices, but I never thoughtsleepingcould be one of them.
I’ve never had trouble keeping late nights or being able to go on only a few hours of sleep at night because my job and subsequently mylifedepends on it. All of a sudden, I can’t stay awake past ten p.m. and don’t wake up until Joaquin bounds into the bedroom like a ray of fucking sunshine at nine a.m.
I feel like a fucking narcoleptic, and this random bout with a sleep disorder has kept me from checking in with Xavier for more than aweek. Between oversleeping and Joaquin packing our days with random shit, both in preparation to move into our condo and other endless social activities, I haven’t been able to snoop around for the info that I’m specifically here to get.
From the beginning, this was already the most difficult job I’ve had yet, specifically because Joaquin isn’t a greasy, disgusting, violent, rival drug lord who honestly deserves to die. Now it’s become even more difficult because in the weeks we’ve spent together, he’s only proved how much he’snota nasty piece of shit, and now, for the first time ever, I haven’t been able to make any additional progress toward the end goal of this job.
I might not have to kill Joaquin after all, because Xavier is probably going to randomly show up and do it himself. And then he’ll kill me, too.
“Holy shit, y’all!” Joaquin crows at Lili and me, chipper as fuckingalwayswhile he throws his arms in the air and jogs onto the beach. Have I mentioned this family has their own private section of an actualbeachright behind their mammoth estate? What thefuck? “Could this weather be any more perfect?”
I offer a convincing, carefree laugh as I casually stroll toward him with Lili. “It is a lovely day,cariño.”
“A lovely day to get daydrunkis more like it,” Lili remarks, kicking off her flip flops.
Joaquin drops his arms at his sides andtsks. “You drink too much,niñera.”
“Ha!” She pushes her elbow into my side. “This guy is one to talk about drinking too much, given that you guys are literally married as a result ofgetting drunk.”
“Well,” I chime in with another light laugh, fighting the urge to yawn, “I see no problem with either of your drinking.” I salute them both with the coffee I brought for our afternoon beach excursion. “Because neither of you wake up as exhausted the next day as I do. I may have to cut back for a little while.”
“Awwnaaah…” Joaquin jogs across the sand toward me and wraps his arms around my waist to pepper my neck with loud, smoochy kisses. “You’re so cute when you get all sleepy and pass out after one little drinky.”
I smile at him warmly and don’t miss how naturally it comes, and I am seriously fucked. He’s way too damn sweet, and the sex is stillamazing, and this is a recipe for disaster.
He plants another deep kiss on my mouth before pulling away and waving at something behind me. “Hey, you guys! Perfect timing.”
I glance over my shoulder to see Colin and Elle trudging their way through the sand with their baby girl, Audrey in tow. Between Colin being tall, dark, and handsome, and Elle being a blonde bombshell, and Audrey being an adorable mini-mashup of them both, the happy little threesome is the picture of a perfect Disney-style happy ever after. And wouldn’tthatbe nice? To be so normal and happy, andnotspend your entire shitty life as a pawn ofmafiosos?
Apparently, Lili also considers the mere sight of the happy little family a complete thorn in her side—for different reasons thanme, obviously—and she mumbles a discontented sigh under her breath.
She grumbles quietly for a second before forcing a smile and waving at them. “Hey, guys! Me and Natalia are going to grab some snacks and drinks from the house. Any requests?”
“Nah, we’re good,” Colin answers for them both, passing Audrey to Elle so he can spread a large blanket on the sand.
“Oh,” Joaquin says, turning to me and Lili. “I can go get the drinks and stuff.”
“No,” Lili hisses, wrapping her arm around my elbow and pulling me away from him. “I needgirl talkwith mysister-in-law, since my actual sisters are never around anymore.”
Joaquin’s chipper countenance appears to falter for a half-second as he eyeballs me. “Okay,” he says after a beat, then wags his finger at Lili, still staring at me. “Just keep my little wifey close so she doesn’t get lost on the long walk up to the house.”
When he randomly says shit like that, I can’t help wondering if he’s on to me. But then again, I’m probably just paranoid due to being constantly groggy despite copious amounts of sleep. I’ve done almostnothing required of me, and I’m around him every waking moment, so there’s no possible way I’ve let on to any of it.
Lili scoffs and tugs my arm as we start toward the path that leads to the stone steps and back up to the house. “We literallyjustwalked down here. It’s not exactly a maze.”
“I knowthat,” he retorts, smashing another kiss on my lips. “But she’s super groggy, so she might get a little turned around.” He releases me and swats my ass. “Step carefully, baby doll. I love you.”
Ever since he first said that, it hasn’t stopped having a guttural effect on me. My throat goes a little dry, and my eyes threaten to widen, and there’s an obnoxious ache in my chest. In this moment, my gaze gravitates to his because I’m lost for words for many reasons, including all the ones he’s oblivious to.
Andthis time, he appears to perceive something in my expression. There’s an overwhelming sense that between my grogginess and the treacherous feeling I’m fighting, the entire facade I am anexpertat maintaining starts to crack.
A warm smile tugs dimples deep into his stubbly, carved cheeks. “Oh,querida,” he murmurs, bringing his large palm to my cheek and then sweep to the nape of my neck, “don’t make that face.” He presses a kiss to my temple and then nips my earlobe before whispering, “Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t be scared. I love you, and it’s okay that you’re not there yet. I understand that you’ve been through shit that makes it harder for you to open up and trust. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m perfectly happy to wait until you’re comfortable with your feelings.”
Thatdoesn’t helpat all.
