The only thing I hold onto is that same feeble hope that I felt the first time she smiled at me.
20
Two Months Later
“YOU WANT ME TO get out of here while you take off your undies?” Celia queries with a shit-eating grin from the corner of the exam room.
I laugh as I shimmy off my black maternity tights from under my maroon maternity dress, both of which, by the way, are surprisingly fashionable. Before this whole pregnancy debacle, it never really occurred to me thatcutematernity clothes actually existed. But let me tell you, Reader. The internet is a glorious place, and you can find all sorts of really cute, really affordable pregnant lady clothes. For example, this is a wrap-style dress that makes my bigger-than-usual boobies look pretty darn good, while still maintaining a high enough V-neckline that it doesn’t look vulgar. It’s fitted in a way that doesn’t hide the small-but-obviously-therebump, but also doesn’t scream,Look at me! I’m knocked-up!Also, despite being fitted, it’s actually comfortable. There’s enough stretch in both the dress and the tights that I don’t feel super fat all the time. Even though I do feel super fatsomeof the time. Maternity clothes are so comfortable and cute that I’m actually going to miss them when this is all over in another twenty weeks.
That’s right, Reader! I’m officially halfway through this life-altering experience, and surprisingly, feeling pretty good.
Well, other than being wildly emotional a lot of the time. Although,wildly emotionalmostly consists of randomly feeling sad that the man responsible for said life-altering experience doesn’t get to be a part of it, despite how much he obviously wanted to be on the day I told him.
“I really don’t care if you accidentally see my lady bits, Celia,” I say as I fold the aforementioned undies and tights and set them on an empty chair in the corner next to her. “I know you’ve seen lady bits before. I’m not worried about you judging mine.”
“Yeah, well.” She turns her head to stare at a poster on the wall advertising birth control that I probably should’ve been on, butoh well, here we are. “I’m just gonna look over here while you get on that chair. I’m not the one who likes your lady bits. The person whodoesis currently back at the office sulking over my request for PTO today.”
“Ohno, Celia.” A pang slams my chest as I inch onto the exam chair and cover my lower half with a paper sheet. “You didn’t actuallyspecifythe reason you were taking a half-day, did you?”
“Uh.” She flips her hand. “I kinda had to.”
“But you didn’t say anything about it being theanatomy ultrasound,did you?”
Celia drags a deadpan look toward my face. “Yeah, I did.”
I scoff and clutch my aching chest at the idea of Colin sitting at work knowing that I’m finding out if the baby is a boy or a girl while he doesn’t get to be part of it. “You could’ve left that part out,” I inform her. “You could’ve just said ‘taking a friend to a doctor’s appointment’.”
“Yeah, well, you know what?” She points at me just as Dr. Carroll knocks and slips back in the room. “I’m not going to tiptoe around him with this stuff. He needs to understand that he can’t treat people the way he treated you while you worked for him. He needs to understand that being a dick for no good reason is bad karma and it’ll come back and bite you in the ass. He’s getting a big bite in the ass right now, and he deserves it.”
Dr. Carroll chuckles congenially. “I hope whoever he is, he’s up-to-date on his tetanus shot.”
Celia arches an eyebrow at her. “Baby daddy drama.”
“Ahh.” Dr. Carroll nods knowingly. “Not uncommon.”
I huff loudly and redirect my focus to the point of being here. “So am I getting the probe again for this?”
Dr. Carroll pulls on a pair of gloves as she sits on a stool in front of me. “No probe, but I do have to poke around a bit. For the ultrasound itself, it’ll be external.”
I lay back in the chair. “All right then. Do your worst.”
While Dr. Carrolldoes her worst, which isn’t reallyworst, mostly just as awkward as any lady doctor exam, I turn my head to scrunch up my face at Celia.
“I mean, if you’re feelingthatbad for him,” she says, full of snark, “I could FaceTime him for you so he can watch.”
I reach to swat at her and miss. “I will not only kill you, I will also shatter your phone.”
She snickers. “It’s not like he hasn’t seen it all before.”
I roll my eyes and turn my face toward the ceiling.
“Looks good,” Dr. Carroll says, drawing back from my lady bits and swapping out her gloves for a new pair. She futzes with the ultrasound machine as she looks at me. “And you do want to know the sex today? I can write it down and stick it in an envelope if you’re planning to do one of those surprise gender reveals.”
“Ha.” I snort as she starts slathering my little bump with gel. “Yeah, I’m notthosepeople. Literally all I’ve got is one friend and an estranged baby daddy.”
“Awwcome on now,” Celia chimes in, eyeing the screen on the ultrasound machine. “You know if we throw a shower, Georgia and your cohorts from work will come.”
“I know, but I’m just saying.” I stare at the screen, trying to make sense of the black and white blobbiness of it. “None of this is traditional. This is just an extension of the survival mode I’ve existed in my entire life.”
