“I can’t drink anything,” she mumbles, another tear spilling out of her eye.
On pure reflex, I reach to wipe below her eye with the pad of my thumb. “Why not?”
Her eyes close for a second before she fixes them on mine again. “I’m pregnant.”
My thumb stills on her skin, and all the oxygen sucks out of the small bakery.
Oh God.
My mind flashes a picture of the moment when I crawled out of the bed on the second night ofthat weekendand the rubber that had inched slightly down my spent cock. How it lookedtotally fine.How it looked like there wasnothing to worry about. How it looked so, completelyfinethat I completelyforgot about itimmediately.
My mouth is as dry as a new sponge fresh out of the package.
What the fuck am I supposed to donow?
What the fuck am I supposed tosay?
This is when you tell her you love her, some thoroughly idiotic part of my brain whispers, andno. This isnotwhen I tell her that. Not after I snapped at her over the Archer thing. And not when this was just supposed to be a casual hang-out during which I was supposed to start nudging us toward actually beingus.
“Tell me what I need to do,” I say on pure reflex, because if I’manythingin life it’sresponsible. At least, that’s what I like to think about myself, but apparently all actual evidence now appears to be to the contrary.
“I just said I don’t need you to do anything,” Elle whispers.
She’s still crying. Part ofme, on the other hand,wants to jump for elated fuckingjoyin light of this news, andJesus Christ, help me right now.
I bring my opposite hand to her cheek so that I’m framing her face with my palms. “Then what do youwantme to do?”
“Nothing.” The word exits her lips on a barely audible breath.
“We’re having ababy,” I murmur, equally quiet. “There has to be something I can—”
“Weare not having a baby,” she says, a little louder as she pulls her face out of my hands. “Iam having a baby. I don’t need you to do anything other thannot tellArcher about this. I cannot complicate my coaching relationship with him because it could potentially derail his progress. He’s doing really well and—”
“Wait, hang on just a hot second.” I plant both palms on the table and jut my chin toward her. “Are you seriously telling me right now that you’re cutting me out of this equation because you think it’ll somehow cause mybrotherto relapse?”
Elle wipes her eyes and folds her arms across her chest. “That’s part of it, yes.”
I squint. “Then what the hell’s the other part?”
She glances away and shakes her head slightly. Looking back at me, she answers, “You.”
“Yeah? What about me?”
She pitches forward across the small table. “If I have to be in this situation,youare not the person I want to be in it with.”
It couldn’t feel more like a slap in the face than if she reached across the table and backhanded me.
I clench my jaw and swallow hard as I grip the edge of the table. “You’re already in this situation withme.Iam half the reason this situation exists. So what the fuck is so wrong withmethat you’re planning to keep me from being part of this?”
Her jaw pulses as though she’s gritting her teeth, too. “You’re two-faced. You’re erratic. You have a volatile temper. You’rehateful. You have been that way the entire time I’ve known you. Why would I let a man likethatraise my child with me?”
“Because this ismy child, too.” My teeth are gritted so hard it’s shocking they don’t shatter in my mouth, and I have never really understood righteous indignation until this very moment. I want to grab her and shake her and scream at the top of my lungs thatI love you, and can’t you see how good this could be? Can’t you understand how long I’ve wanted you, and that I was already in love with you before this, and that this only makes me love you more?
But of course she can’t see or understand any of that because I’ve never even hinted at it. Because the one time I tried to, I lashed out at her as a result of panic at the idea of losing my job and subsequently losing the ability to keep both me and Archer afloat.
All Elle knows is that I’ve been a dick to her way more than I’ve actually been nice to her.
I’ve made my bed, and I have to lie in it.
