“Idorealize that, but—” My mouth is suddenly as dry as a desert, and my stomach churnsagain, andGod.
How dense am I?
I’ve been feeling like shit forweeks, but I guess I was just so fucking busy and excited about all these life changes that I totally didn’t notice mymissing period.
GAWD.
“And I’m not, like…anti… you know…that, but—” A lump swells in my throat and reduces my voice to a squeak. “I never thought I’d be in this position, and doing that suddenly kind of scares the hell out of me.”
“You know what would be evenmore scary?” I can practically see Celia cocking one unamused eyebrow at me. “Raising ababywith Colin fucking Flannery.”
“I’mnotgoing to raise a baby with him!” I scoff. “You thinkhewants to have a kidat all, let alone withme? He freaking hates me. Except when he’s trying to get me to sleep with him again. He honestly only has one use for me, which is how I ended up in this freaking situation inthe first place!” I slap my palm over my forehead. “There werecondoms! What is the point of acondomif it doesn’twork?”
“Well, that’s why you need to cover your own ass by being on some kind of birth control, genius.”
I slap my arm down at my side. “Ugh!I would’ve been onbirth controlif I had any intention of havingsexwithanyone. Which Ididn’t.”
“Well…” Celia sighs loudly. “I don’t know what to tell you, my girl. Just figure out what you’re going to do, and if you decide you can’t do the first option, you’re gonna have to tell him. And I would tell him sooner rather than later because you don’t want to give him any kind of ammo to use against you if he decides to be nasty about this.”
I shoot upward to sit cross-legged on the couch. “What do you mean?”
“What if he decides he wants custody? He could come back at you with something like trying to hide it from him.”
Panic and protectiveness suddenly surge through me. “He wouldn’t do that. I can’t see Colin wanting a kidat all. He’s more the type to talk someone like me into an abortion in this situation.”
“Colin’s a sales douche.” Celia heaves a sardonic laugh. “It wouldn’t be about him wanting that baby. It would be about himwinning. Don’t let him win. Talk to him, posthaste. And be firm about what you want foryou. Be a freaking pit bull about whatyouneed. If you’re going to have this baby, you’re going to have to fight tooth and nail for what’s right for you both for the rest of your damn life.”
Resolve, the likes of which I’ve never felt, suddenly infects my veins and seeps to the very core of my soul.
Maybe I didn’t plan on this, but it’s suddenly something I want to do more than anything.
I swallow thickly. “You think I should tell him?”
“Uhyeah.” Shetsks. “You have to tell him regardless because it would be shitty not to, and if you don’t want to allow him to have any kind of power over you, I would tell him immediately. Hell, maybe he’ll try to play it off like he’s not the father because he used a condom, and then you won’t even have to worry about him.”
“Right.” I suck in a breath. “Okay. I think I’m going to take a nap.” I scoff. “I guess now we know why I’ve been so freaking tired lately.”
Celia snickers. “Yeah, I guess we do. Take it easy, my girl. Call me if you need anything.” She pauses. “And congratulations,Mama.”
“OhGod,” I mumble as she snickers again. “Thanks,Auntie.”
“Yeah, girl! I’m the cool Auntie. I’m the Auntie who will always have gum.”
At that, I have to laugh. “Bye, lady.”
I toss the phone on the coffee table and stretch out on the couch. As if on reflex, my hands go to my lower abdomen, and I press and rub to see if I can feel anything, which of course I don’t. The tiny thing’s probably no larger than a pea at this point. Nevertheless, thepotentialof the tiny little thing in there is more than a bit captivating.
My mind drifts back to biology classes from long ago, and I recall stuff about genetics and the labs I had to do involving Punnett squares. We were able to figure out the likelihood of offspring carrying on certain traits with simple calculations, and I try and fail to do one in my head.
I wonder if this baby will be a blonde or if it’ll have that ebony Black Irish hair like Colin’s. Will it have green eyes like me, or will they be that crystalline blue of his?
Of hisandArcher’s.
“Shit.”
My body flushes cold as it dawns on me that I’m in an extra complicated situation.
And in a situation like this, prioritization is key.
