His ears seemed to be ringing and thumping, as his rage slowly brought his blood to a steady, rolling boil.
The rolling boil continued to the point that it combusted, and he instantaneously whipped his arm around, slamming his clenched fist into a wall.
Pain electrified his bones, causing him to shrink backward, waving his hand forcefully, as if he could shake off the throbbing ache.
He glanced at his knuckles, which were red and starting to swell, then at the wall, which now had a fist-sized hole in it. It all seemed pretty fitting.
A broken hand and a broken wall to go along with his broken heart.
He started to turn around, but got a funny inclination to peek through one of the windows at the parking lot.
Her car was still there, so he waited.
He foolishly allowed himself to hope she’d come back inside, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Instead, he focused on the fact that staring at the back of her car, as she drove away was the last he’d ever see of her so he tried to gain some kind of closure from it.
The car remained still and dark for what seemed like a while.
Maybe she would come back inside.
Maybe she was debating it.
Maybe she was crying.
His heart twisted.
She’d left while still crying so he knew that was the case. Knowing her—and hedidknow her, no matter what she’d said aboutnot knowinghim—she wouldn’t be so irresponsible as to try to drive in this kind of weather while crying as hard as she was.
He decided to try one last time and pulled his phone out of his pocket to call her. As soon as his thumb was poised above the call button, the brake lights illuminated, followed by the reverse lights, and the car finally backed out and drove away.
So back into his pocket went the phone, and Nick pulled the blinds closed.
He hobbled slowly, aimlessly at first, as he clenched and shook his hand, then decided the leftover pain meds intended for his leg would serve him well right then.
He made his way into the bathroom, swallowed twice the dosage, then hobbled into his bedroom, drew the shades tight, and fell into bed.
It never took more than a few minutes for the meds to kick in. Before long, the ache in his hand subsided and his head began to spin, ushering him back to his dream.
This time when he arrived, it was a random evening in this same apartment bedroom while they were still newlyweds.
Similar to reality, there was a storm raging in the dream. Unlike reality, the storm was warm, spring rain, rather than bitter cold sleet.
Similar to reality, he was in his bed. Unlike reality, he wasn’t alone. She was there with him, curled around his back, absently stroking her fingers back and forth across his chest.
And in a way, he was semi-aware of reality in the midst of his dream. He knew this was the only place he’d ever be wrapped up with her in this way. So he took full advantage of it by flipping over to face her, folding his arms around her, and pulling her head to rest in the crook of his neck.
She kissed the base of his jaw.“I love you, Nick.”
He held her as tight as he could as if squeezing her this close in his dream could bring her back to him in reality.
He tilted his chin down to kiss her, then lifted his head so he could look in her eyes.
“It really isyouthat I love, Sammie. Not just this dream. You were the one who was there through this whole thing. You put your life at risk to stay with me after the fall, and you stayed with me when you didn’t have to through everything after. You were so patient and wonderful, and you supported me when I was in some of the lowest moments of my life. All the while without me being able to do anything for you in return. You’re such a good and honest and selfless person, and just being with you has made me so happy. There’s no way Icouldn’tlove you.”
“I know, honey.”
“But you don’t. You left.”
She gave him a coy little smirk.“You dropped a bomb on me by telling me all of that stuff. You have to give me time to process it.”
