“JR told me dat he told you ’bout my diagnosis ’fo’ you ran away.”
“I was a grown man. Ain’t no running away.”
“You was seventeen, Manny.”
“Grown enough.”
“You ran because of me?”
Kayn’s mouth was screwed up tightly, and his eyes narrowed with resentment. I wished that I could erase that feeling for him. My heart ached for him. He had been holding his head down, but when he lifted his eyes again, I saw how red they were. He was battling tears.
“Partly. We also argued about me selling dope that day. He told me I was going down the same track as you and my daddy, and no good would come to me. So, he gave me a choice to stop selling and stay or get out and do what I wanted to do. I was sick of everybody thinking they knew what was best for me. So Ibounced. Guess I followed in your footsteps after all,” he stated bitterly.
“I heard ya did one better and followed in muh brother’s footsteps.”
“Why did you turn me away whenever I came to visit?”
That was news to me. I didn’t know Kayn had visited his mother since she had been in the institution.
“Couldn’t let you see me like dat.”
“I’d seen you in a lot worse ways than that.”
She looked away from him in shame. I recalled the stories of how he said he had walked in on her having sex or giving a customer head on multiple occasions. She wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge that he had walked into the house. She would just keep going.
“You didn’t give a shit about what you looked like when you was tricking in front of me. All I wanted to do was see you. Why didn’t you love me? Why wasn’t I enough?”
“I tried.”
“Nah, you didn’t try. I just wanted to hear what you had to say. Sounds like the same old excuses to me.”
“What you want me to say, Manny? I ain’t got no love in me. Don’t know how ta love.”
“Yeah? Well, you loved them drugs enough.”
She closed her eyes, and Kayn stood, leaned over her, and kissed her forehead. “Goodbye, Mama,” he whispered.
Kayn walked out of the room with his head held high, and I followed. I had no idea how long his mother would live beyond the day, but I was glad he visited her one last time.
We drove JR’s car back to their home in silence. I was uncertain if we were still leaving or if our stay would be prolonged again. Whatever he needed, I would give him. Later that morning, after breakfast had ended and I had helped clean the kitchen, I found him in the backyard, chopping wood.
I walked up to him and stood on the side of him. Kayn wiped the sweat from his brow and threw the ax down.
“Hey, I just wanted to check on you to see how you were feeling.”
His eyes searched mine, but he said nothing. I folded my arms and asked, “Should I call the New York office and cancel?”
“No.”
“Mkay. Is there anything that I can get you? Are you thirsty? I noticed that you didn’t eat your breakfast.”
“No.”
“Okay, well, if there’s anything at all that I can do for you, Kayn, just let me know. I’m here. Even if you just need a shoulder to lean on, I’ve got you.”
“Would you stop?”
The harshness of his voice startled me and caused me to jump back.
