Air rushed out but he used his downward motion to hit Gage on the leg to bring him down too. But Gage was younger, fitter, an experienced cage fighter, and instead of falling, he twisted, using his motion to switch positions and landed on top of him on the floor.
Knox yelled, face flat on the floor, Gage’s much heavier frame pressing down on him. That wouldn’t have kept him down on its own, but the fighter hooked his arm around his neck, in an unbreakable chokehold.
Knox fought it, his entire body straining against his friend, but apart from a strangled yell, he couldn’t break free.
“Knox, what the hell is wrong with you? Dammit! I’ve never seen you like this.”
“I just want to be left alone. Is that too much to ask?”
“Why? Fuck, man!” And with that, Gage released him, rolled away, and pushed himself up. “Knox, talk to me. You’ve always been my rock, and Locke’s too. I thought that being here, leaving your old life, was what you wanted. When I came here, you looked fine. Calmer, more at peace. I saw you living life again. I saw how you looked at Josie. I’ve never seen that light in you before. For the last ten years, you’ve been slowly dying, rotting away. You’re older than us, was part of the underground for a long time. I always worried you’d be pulled down.
“I know you call yourself a traitor for not only turning your back on the underworld but for dragging those scumbag slave drivers into the light. But could you have lived with yourself, knowing the fate of those helpless girls? We cheated, stole, killed our own. Despite everything, there was a line for us. For you. And you stayed on the right side of it.”
Knox sat, shifting until his back was against the bed. “You don’t understand. My word was the only thing that kept me from losing myself, from being like them. After the slave ring, I even lost that. I’m no better than them now.”
With a sigh, Gage sat on the floor facing him.
Knox was desperate to make him go, but on the other hand, he was grateful to have him. “I’m lost, Gage.”
His friend leaned forward, elbows on knees. “You denounced those monsters for a reason, Knox. And I’m certain you don’t regret it. You were never one of them. We never were. In our time of need, when hunger was all we had, you took care of Locke and me. You used the underground, so we survived. You were always your own man. So was Locke, so was I. Locke found his way to himself. I think you’ve found yours with Josie, while I’m still sitting on the sidelines.”
Knox rubbed his face. “You should be with Josie. You’re closer in age. You’re not as … tainted … as I am. I broke my promise to her. The last time I touched her, I hurt her.”
To his utter surprise, Gage threw his head back and laughed. Hard. So hard that Knox, while stunned at first, felt insulted without knowing why.
After wiping away the tears in his eyes, his body still trembling in merriment, Gage looked at him. “You’re blind. Josie was never for me, or anybody else for that matter. And if you’re honest with yourself instead of bashing yourself on the head, you would see it too. Even at your worst, you would never hurt her. She told me about the last time you saw her before you disappeared. She was worried she’d done something wrong. That she hadn’t been good enough for you.”
Knox didn’t think it was possible to feel worst or hate himself more. “I hurt her.”
Gage shook his head. “That’s a discussion you should have with her. But from what I understood with what she said, she was more interested in a repeat than anything else. I invited her to my bed when we brought you back…”
The surge of heat that came inside Knox, that green-eyed monster that suddenly raged, took him by surprise.
“Easy, man. She turned me down and it proved it was you she wanted, because I look way better than you, you old decrepit.”
At least that loosened something inside his chest, enough for him to produce a smile. “No more touching her from now on if you don’t want me to improve your fucking perfect face.”
Gage nodded. “I enjoyed her, but I’m not a fool. I knew from the start she wasn’t mine to have permanently. It was obvious you had a claim on her. It amazed me you were willing to share. I must admit though, I will miss our rough tumbles. You, then Locke…”
Before Knox could respond to his unexpected and unprecedented melancholy, Gage put his usual grinning mask in place. “Once we get Josie out of that ridiculous shack, you should apologize and bring her home.”
That piece of information shocked him. “You helped her move back to that shitty place?”
Knox left his room as if it had caught fire. Through the windowpanes, snow swirled angrily, with unusual intensity. He knew it would be a hell of a storm. The wind would come through the cracks of that cabin of hers and turn it into an iceberg.
He had to get to her.
Putting on his boots, Knox grabbed his coat and keys, but when he opened the door, it was obvious he wasn’t going anywhere. There was at least a foot of snow around his truck and drifts were blocking the way for as far as he could see. If his driveway was in that state, the entrance to Josie’s cabin would be impossible to get through.
Slamming the door shut, Knox cursed.
Gage looked through the window. “There’s no way we can drive there. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow, it will be hell to try to get there now. And with that snow, we could get lost in the storm if we go on foot. Does she even have a decent coat to be out in these temperatures? The snowplow will have had time to clear the snow and we can ask the guy to clear the path up to Josie’s.”
It was the sensible decision. After the storm, he would go to Josie and admit his faults, his dark side to her, and if she’d been sincere about loving him, he would fall to his knees and return the words to her.
Chapter 17
Josie huddled closerto the fire and asked herself if she should add another log or just stick her feet into the embers to warm them up.
