Tessa crossed her arms, trying to understand what was going on. “Apologizing would be a start, believe me. But I’m more interested in what made you see the light? And who beat the crap out of you.”
Locke exhaled. “Gage.”
She blinked, not sure she had heard him correctly. “You trained with Gage? Hard training?”
Shaking his head, he raked his hair. “No.”
Again, silence. Trying to get information was like extracting a tooth from a lion. “You don’t want to tell me, fine. The door is there. Have a nice life.”
When she turned again, heading for her kitchen, Tessa was surprised at how she placated him. Despite the hurt, being so harsh and cold was unlike her, but there was no way she would make it easy for him. She wasn’t about revenge or retaliation, but he had to understand the pain he had caused her.
As she went into her small kitchen and dining room, Tessa thought Locke had left. Even though she wasn’t hungry anymore, she got the container of soup from the fridge and started preparing her dinner. After a moment she saw Locke appear near her kitchen table. Something inside her vibrated at the possibilities, but definitely not at the price of her own self.
The man made her kitchen appear much smaller, almost cramped, but it was because she was used to seeing him in his vast apartment. Locke was a big man.
When she poured the soup into a pot and turned up the heat, she finally turned her attention to him. Crossing her arms, she leaned against the counter, a show of strength she didn’t truly feel. “You’re still here.”
He slightly angled his head. “Angry is a new side of you that I haven’t seen before.”
“That’s probably because you called me a whore.”
Immediately, Locke clenched his jaw. “I was wrong, Tessa. I should never have said that. I could say I wasn’t myself, but I know who I am, and on the roof, you saw the worst part of me. Another reason why I tend to prefer control over the world around me and myself. There isn’t a lot of good in my past and that’s had a direct influence on me. But I can admit when I’ve gone too far. After what happened with Gage, you were right. I forced the idea of you having sex with him.”
Tessa stood still, allowing him to continue.
“It was a way of pushing you away.”
“Pushing me away? Locke, I didn’t ask you for anything. I never asked for a commitment. I knew that wasn’t what you wanted. I knew that what we had was only about sex.”
“It was more than sex for me.”
What?Her brain empty, Tessa didn’t know what to say, or if she had heard right. Locke came forward and turned off the stove. The soup was boiling, and she hadn’t noticed. His body was so close now, as he stood before her, towering over her, but still keeping his distance, as if waiting for her reaction. The trouble was, she didn’t know what her reaction should be.
“What do you mean?” It sounded like a stupid question, but maybe more information would give her something to go on.
“You got to me. I think it started at the hospital to be honest. And continued when I rescued you from Luther and you came to stay with me. I … Something in you gripped my gut. I can’t deny it was sexual, but there was also something else that I didn’t want to look into. That’s why I kept you at arm’s length and pushed you toward Gage. Maybe if I saw you with another…”
“You would have been able to smother that annoying feeling and keep on living your life.” A tough conclusion to say out loud, but something she could understand from a clinical viewpoint.
Locke inched forward a little. “It wasn’t that simple. Seeing you with Gage drove me mad.” And he came closer, his body heat enveloping her, the scent of his skin going to her head. “I couldn’t admit it to myself, I couldn’t allow you close. I started to resent Gage when he kissed you, when he made you laugh or smile. I wanted that for myself. I wanted you. But how could the man I am, with what I’ve done, ever dream of having a woman like you.”
Tessa couldn’t look at his stormy-sea eyes anymore as he kept talking. “I needed more, but I feared that if you saw the real me, the dark me, you would run the other way. So, I attacked you first.”
Her eyes cast down, she saw how close their hands were from each other. So close, yet so far. “I stayed on that roof. I thought I was at peace until I finally came back inside, and you weren’t there.”
His fingers trembled a little as if trying to initiate contact. “That’s when I realized that I was just numb. The more I fought it, the deeper I went. Another color of Hell. Until Gage grew tired of seeing me like that and asked me what happened to make you disappear. And I told him.”
The shock of his revelation made her look up, astonished. “You told him? That you called me a whore?”
The way he cringed at her words alleviated some of the pressure in her chest. And then it clicked in her head. “Gage beat you up.”
Locke hesitated. “That was part of it. He did what any good friend would do and tried to get you out of my head, and when he couldn’t, he started to ask why you’d disappeared so suddenly. He was his usual annoying self until I told him to shut his big mouth. You can imagine what happened next. It seems that I needed a good beating to realize how I much I hurt you. I needed the pain to see how much I care about you, Tessa.”
His fingers brushed against the back of her hand, the light caress almost bringing her to her knees. “You don’t know me well enough to care, Locke.”
This time he caught her hand and her heart leaped. “Don’t tell me what I feel, Doctor. That would piss me off right now.”
But she couldn’t see annoyance on his face, only the light amusement that she knew. “And how do you feel? I wouldn’t want to guess anything.”
His other hand came to her face, cupping her cheek. “May I kiss you, Tessa?”
