“They were poor and very conservative. And in a town where tongues wagged, and reputations could mean a job or not, they condemned her weakness.”
Deva swallowed hard. “And it was Jamieson Finch who got her pregnant?”
He nodded. “I found out that information later. Much later. Finch came into town to buy one of the factories where my mother worked. She was young, incredibly beautiful, and naive. He abused her innocence, and when she went to him to tell him that she was pregnant and beg for his help, she couldn’t find him.”
“I’m so sorry, Aleksei.”
He took a deep breath before continuing. “That’s when she went to St. Petersburg to give birth to me. And when the little money she had left vanished, she started selling her body. As I grew up, people called me a bastard, and I couldn’t care less because my mother was more important than what those cowards could ever say about me. As I got older, I found ways to help her, by being a thief and a scavenger. When I returned with money or food, she always smiled at me, but I saw the sadness in her eyes. It was not the life she wanted for me. We survived until I was in my teens, and that’s when she fell sick. We didn’t have the money to see a doctor, but I did some research of my own. It was AIDS. Some fucked up client infected her.”
And now his voice hitched. Deva swallowed hard to push back the emotions, to be there for him. Gently she took his scarred hand and kissed it.
“And when not long after, she fell sick with pneumonia, I knew my time with her was coming to an end. I didn’t leave her side. I protected her, took care of her the best I could. I stashed food and weapons in our small apartment. I threatened the landlord to leave us alone. I think that the pain of leaving me to fend for myself was greater for her than her own sufferings. And I held her. It was the only thing I could do.”
Deva was now crying in silence. For the poor woman who loved her son above anything else. And for the little boy Aleksei had been, alone and scared, putting his mother at the center of his universe. When she looked up at Aleksei, she could see the tears streaming from his eyes as his voice continued, steady, his eyes still blindly fixing the ceiling.
“Until her last breath, she only thought about me. She said that she loved me, and how sorry she was that she couldn’t do more. She told me to survive, to make a life for myself. And her last word was her nickname for me. So soft, so low, I almost didn’t hear it. And she was gone.”
He swallowed again and coughed.
“I couldn’t even offer her a decent burial. It still haunts me to this day. I had to leave her body behind for the landlord to find. Soon after, I started to work for different small-time crooks. And they all called me Alek. I despised it. But I had to survive. I had promised her. So, I did. And when I finally found my place, I changed my last name for Voronov, as I couldn’t bear keeping the surname of a family who had abandoned a daughter in need. And I beat up whoever called me Alek. I was to be Aleksei from now on.”
And he turned to look at her, the pale gray of his eyes was diluted by unshed tears, and the determination that forged this man seeped through them. A determination she could understand so well.
“Why Voronov?”
Finally, a smile curved up in a wicked grin. “It means wolf. And that’s what I became. A lone wolf, feral, dangerous. You’ve seen me in the cage, Deva. That’s who I am.”
Deva angled her head. “I think there are many other layers to you, Mr. Voronov. I’m certain about it. Can I ask you something? It’s maybe too personal, and if you don’t want to answer, I will understand.”
Now the sorrow had turned to amusement. “I knew you would want to know the number of women I had sex with. You’ll have to give me a minute so I can calculate the total.”
Deva smiled and swatted his shoulder playfully. “Don’t, we probably don’t have enough time for that. I’m curious. What’s the nickname your mother gave you?”
Softness returned to his face. “It’s not original. It’s the diminutive of Aleksei in Russian. But coming from her lips, it was always special. She called me Alyosha.”
Deva smiled as she repeated the word. “Alyosha. I like it. It’s smoother on the lips.”
“Your accent is awful,lyubimaya. But I like how you say it.”
“There can’t be that many ways to say Alyosha.”
His smile returned full force. “Oh yeah. And the way you say it, it’s nothing like my mother. My name on your lips makes me hard.”
And the storm of lust was back in his eyes. A storm that made her skin tingle and her body restless.
Deciding that the dark clouds were gone, Deva indulged in much more interesting activities. Pushing herself on all fours, she nipped at his thigh and saw that another part of his anatomy was up for the challenge.
“Well, I think we can experiment with this new nickname, what do you think, Alyosha?” And she took him in her mouth.
