A cool, icy cold sensation across her lips slowly pulled Deva out of her drowsiness. Moving was an exercise in pain as her muscles screamed in agony. What the hell happened? Monsters. Fragmented images of her past came flooding into her mind, and she recognized them as a recurring nightmare. It had been years since she had fallen into that abyss of despair. What pushed her over the edge?
“Deva? Open your eyes for me.” Aleksei’s voice was low and caressing, coaxing her to come back to reality. She blinked several times, before finally being able to focus on the man lying beside her in bed. Tangled in blankets, she freed her hands and pushed herself up into a sitting position as Aleksei rearranged her pillows.
When she tried to speak, her voice sounded like a dying crow, and could only murmur the word water. Aleksei twisted and gave her a glass filled with ice and a little water at the bottom. The few available gulps worked miracles. Her headache was gone, and her throat, although tight, wasn’t painful. Again, she turned her head to the man beside her.
“How long was I out?”
“Around thirty hours. You scared us all for a minute.”
“Thirty hours? What happened? One minute I was fine, the second I was... out.”
“Your cousin Sasha diagnosed a random bug spreading in the area. Nothing serious, but your body was too tired to fight it properly. She gave you medication and fluids, and you started feeling better.”
Sifting through her brain, Deva tried to recall when she had talked about Sasha to him. “How did you know about Sasha?”
“Your phone. In your bag, it kept ringing, and Lance finally found out about your cousin being in the area. The timing couldn’t be more perfect. When we tried to wake you up to eat, you wouldn’t wake up. Your fever was spiking, and you became delirious. As taking you to the hospital was out of the question, your doctor cousin was our best option.”
Nodding, Deva started remembering what happened before that. One by one, images of what happened popped into her mind. “Finch. Your father. Did you talk with your brother? What’s the final verdict?”
Aleksei’s jaw clenched. “I believe him. The situation is a complete mess. And there is so much more still to be discussed.”
“What?”
“There are some situations that are impossible to get out of. I don’t think you can ever walk away from past decisions. The reason why I agreed to work with Finch was not to rekindle any kind of paternal relationship. I’ve been used all my life. And this situation is no different than the others. It’s all I’ve known all my life... but... I have the power to turn things around. The advantage of being a man, I suppose. And I was asked to investigate Finch. And getting close to him, playing his game was the only way to achieve this goal.”
Deva nodded, words caught in her throat. At least he was a man, he could gain that power.
Aleksei turned to her, a hand on her cold fingers. “You know that feeling of being a prisoner. Even if it’s all gone now.”
“I think you are the kind of man who can find a way to get free of your ghosts, to fight them. You have that possibility.”
“And you don’t.” He said it like a statement, and he was right. It was her reality.
“No, I don’t.”
“Is that why you tried to kill yourself?”
Deva blinked, surprised he knew about that. But she must have looked astounded when he answered. “In your delirium, you shouted to your cousin that you tried to pull the trigger of a gun against your head. Again. That meant you tried it before.”
Deva shook her head as she forced her mind back in time. “I had nothing to lose. I was about to be sold like cattle. There was no escape from that nightmare, and with Johnny gone, I had nothing to lose. Life wasn’t worth living if I was to become a slave. A pawn only good to fuck and breed.”
Aleksei raised his hand and touched her cheek with such tenderness, it made her lose her breath. “It’s alright, Aleksei, the gun didn’t work, and I found my way out. For ten years I had a great life.”
“Why did you become a physical therapist?”
Deva forced herself to joke. “Apart from getting my hands on handsome men? Well, it’s silly, but when Johnny died, I had that fantasy that maybe it was only a mistake. That he was only hurt. And that if he was hurt, I had to find a way to help. That’s when I decided that if I was ever given the chance, I would work with wounded soldiers. For every person I help, I’m helping Johnny a little too.”
Her voice was steady, and she felt calm but was surprised to realize she was crying.
Aleksei inched himself up and gathered her in his arms. “Peace will come again.”
Deva buried her nose in his chest and inhaled deeply. The musky scent of his skin steadied her somehow, but it didn’t chase away the doom invading her heart. She tried to push away from his embrace, but he wouldn’t allow it. Instead, he looked down at her.
“You can’t wish hope for me, and not for yourself.”
A sad grin appeared on her face. “I can’t wish hope for myself because I doubt Finch kept his mouth shut about my reappearance. And once Mex knows I’m no longer dead, he will move heaven and earth to get me back.”
Deva pushed harder against him, being this close to the man was starting to be painful, as her feelings grew for him. For a long time, she had hoped to lead a sheltered life and even dreamed of falling for one of her coworkers who wouldn’t know of her past. It never happened. Instead, she was falling for a man who could drag her even deeper in the shadows. And the most ironic part was that she was the one wanting to protect him. Protect him from sinking deeper into a world that she would never willingly go back to.
