Telling him the truth might hurt him, and allowing myself to wonder about the details will only upset me. I just need to let it go – and let go of any guilt I might have too.
For the first time in ages, I feel happy, and that’s nothing to feel guilty about… right?
Let’s not rock the boat now…
30
It never ceases to amaze me how big and impressive this ship is. Just when I think I’ve seen it all, something else dazzles me. The thing I can never quite get over is how many whole things it has in it. I know, that sounds silly but, like, I’m in a casino right now. A whole casino right here on the ship, along with all the cabins, the restaurants, the gym, the spa, the cinema, the pools, the gaming rooms. All here.
You could think you were in Las Vegas right now, because this place is big, nice, flashy and full of people. Everyone is dressed in their best to play cards, roulette, slot machines – and of course to drink cocktails and just be genuinely fabulous.
I’m wearing my red dress, the one I picked out from the ship shop, and I actually feel great in it. Say what you like about Brody – Lord knows I have – but that man gives one hell of a confidence-boosting pep talk. No wonder he makes such a great teammate. Even I could probably score runs or wickets or whatever – I’m still not 100 per cent on how you score points in cricket.
Brody looks amazing in his suit. Effortlessly stylish, super dapper – to liken him to James Bond would be to make himsound corny or old-fashioned, but no, he just looks snappy and super cool.
I’m sitting on a high stool at the blackjack table, sipping my drink while I watch Brody play. He’s doing a good job – I actually think he’s up, unlike Todd. Every time I glance over at the craps table I can see him despairing. I guess, even with Nikki blowing on the dice for luck, he’s on a bit of a losing streak.
Neil and Kelsey are doing rounds, seeing how people are doing. I think Neil played a few hands of poker but Kelsey looked bored, and Al and Kira are too wrapped up in their drinks, and each other of course, to roll the dice on… well, rolling the dice.
It’s all very fancy. Very elegant. But very, very, very boring, if I’m being honest with you.
‘This sucks, doesn’t it?’ Kelsey says, appearing from nowhere, seemingly reading my mind.
‘It’s lovely,’ Kira chimes in.
‘We’re having a great time,’ Al adds, doing his best to sound convincing.
‘Really?’ Kelsey replies. ‘Because five minutes ago I thought I saw you sleeping.’
‘I told you,’ Kira says, giving him a playful shove.
‘I think it’s exactly what you wanted to do,’ I tell her. ‘It’s fancy. Classy. Mature.’
I’m pretty sure that’s what we were going for.
‘Look at us. We’re having a great time,’ I add.
‘Everyone but Todd,’ Brody mutters under his breath, because he and Nikki are heading over to join us.
‘I can win it all back,’ Todd practically snaps at her, like a shit version of a character from a Scorsese movie.
‘No, you won’t,’ Nikki replies. ‘You need an intervention.’
Kelsey sighs and turns to Neil.
‘I just… I really thought you would love this,’ she tells him. ‘It’s a bit of you.’
‘Okay, but tonight is supposed to be a bit of us,’ he replies. ‘I want you to be happy too. We can do whatever you want.’
‘Ugh. I wish I’d planned something actually fun,’ Kelsey says with a pout.
‘I’ve planned something fun,’ Brody pipes up.
‘Have you?’ Kelsey replies.
‘Yeah. I was thinking about what to do with Neil after this, just the lads, and I got chatting to one of the crew…’
Here we go.
