20
I don’t know if it makes it better or worse – the fact that Kelsey and Neil are having dinner with their parents tonight.
Better, I suppose, because it takes the pressure off a little. After all, this whole thing is mostly in aid of making sure their wedding goes smoothly, that they have the best day ever, that none of my drama causes trouble for them. On the other side of the coin, if Kelsey and Neil aren’t here to see just how supposedly happy Brody and I are together, then what’s the point in putting on a show?
The answer to that question, it turns out, is to continue to make Todd and Nikki jealous. I know, it’s petty, but seeing the looks on their faces as they watch us – the ultimate plot twist in their relationship – is so, so sweet. Plus, Al and Kira are here, and it’s always nice to spend time with them.
The restaurant we’re in is more laid-back – it’s not even like a restaurant really, more like a fast-food place, so we’re tucking into burgers, fries and milkshakes. The only thing sweeter than revenge is the milkshake I’m drinking – chocolate, vanilla, peanut butter, Biscoff and cookie pieces. Incredible. Perfect for offsettingthe saltiness of the fries and the cheeseburger. If we could eat here every night while we’re on board, that would be great.
I’m sitting between Brody and Al, which, when you think about it, is the literal definition of being between a rock and a hard place. There is just a wall of muscle on either side of me. I must be living out someone’s horny dream, being sandwiched between a bodybuilder and a professional sportsman, not that I would want to get my hands on either of them. Al is married. Brody is Brody. Of course, I’m doing a great job of pretending I want him tonight.
‘Just trust me,’ Brody tells me, every part of his face practically floodlit as he waggles a chip at me.
‘I’m not sure about that one, baby,’ I reply.
Baby. Ha. I would be embarrassed to even utter the word, were it not for the effect it’s having on Todd. I can read him like a book and the heading of this chapter is so blatantly:She never called me baby!It’s a side-splitter.
So far we’ve just been making small talk. Al and Kira are doing a lot of the heavy lifting, keeping things going, either chatting with me and Brody, or with Todd and Nikki, but never quite getting the four of us chatting with each other. Can you blame me, after what happened earlier? I keep sneaking glances at the two of them – especially Nikki. The thing I can’t understand about her is that she wanted Todd, and she didn’t just choose him, she stole him, so I can’t understand why she has such a big problem seeing me and Brody together. No one wants to see their ex move on – take it from me – but she dumped him. She didn’t want him any more. She would do well to remember that.
‘Just trust me,’ Brody says again. ‘Have I ever steered you wrong before?’
‘Hmm, I don’t suppose you have,’ I reply, my flirting game dialled up above and beyond what it would normally be. I’m notusually one for PDA – and Todd certainly never was – but it’s all part of the act.
Brody dips another chip in his strawberry milkshake and holds it up to my face.
‘Come on,’ he says. ‘If you don’t like it, you can take it out on me later.’
‘What, in the bedroom?’ Al asks with a chuckle.
I mean, if I were to take something out on Brody in the bedroom, it would probably come in the form of me taking one of his nights in the bed, leaving him to sleep in the bath. Honestly, sleeping in a bath is savage, the things it does to your back… bondage fans could never.
I decide to go for it, leaning forward so that Brody can feed me a chip. I’m not convinced, about a chip dipped in a milkshake, but I’m just thinking about the optics. I’ll take one for the team.
I don’t just go for the chip, I take the tip of his finger in my mouth too, sucking it lightly. I see a cheeky little twinkle in Brody’s eyes as I do, like he just knows we’re putting on a great performance. And do you know what? He’s right. The flavour pairing just works. Who knew?
‘Okay, fine, you’re right, that is actually really good,’ I tell him.
‘You know I’m always right,’ he replies.
I know that he thinks he’s always right.
‘Nikki has something she wants to say, don’t you, Nikki?’ Todd pipes up, breaking up our little love fest.
‘Erm, yeah, I suppose,’ she replies, shooting him evils. Then she turns to face me and, honestly, she looks like she has a bee in her mouth. ‘Jessa… I’m sorry for pushing you and Brody in the pool earlier, it was just banter.’
‘Banter?’ I reply simply.
‘Yeah, it was just a joke, just for the laughs,’ she continues. ‘We were all having fun by the pool, I thought it would be funny,and that you guys would find it funny too, but Todd reckons you might have thought I meant it in a bad way so… yeah, I’m sorry.’
You know when teenagers apologise and it sounds almost sarcastic? You can tell she begrudges every word she’s saying, so Todd must have told her she had to say it, but I know that if I were truly the bigger person, definitely over Todd, and genuinely head over heels for Brody, then the right thing to do would be to accept her apology. So I will.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I reassure her. ‘It was funny. Brody and I had a right old laugh about it together, didn’t we?’
‘We did,’ he replies, offering me another chip. ‘When we were in the shower together, just after, we were saying it was kind of romantic.’
‘Like our own little romcom moment,’ I add. ‘How many people even get those? So really, Nikki, we should be thanking you.’
I don’t think steam actually comes out of a person’s ears when they’re mad in real life but, honestly, Nikki looks pretty close.
