We move together, finding our rhythm as if we'd never been apart. Every thrust brings us closer to what we once were and yet, I know it’s a fantasy. We’re living in the past. Soon, reality will return. But until then, I hold on to him, move with him.
I think of the words I wish I could say, like how I never stopped loving him. Like how I wish we could have what we had ten years ago, even as I know we’ll never have that again.
22
PHOENIX
Ipush deeper into Keira, watching her face transform with pleasure. Her gray eyes lock with mine, vulnerable and open in a way I haven't seen since we were younger. I have no illusions that our lives will be the happily ever after we once planned, but at this moment, I have the final piece I lost ten years ago. The woman I loved. When this moment is done, that piece will be lost again.
"Keira," I whisper, unable to hold back the emotion in my voice.
Her fingers dig into my shoulders as she moves with me, our bodies remembering a rhythm we perfected years ago. It feels like coming home, even as my mind struggles against the sentiment.
Unlike her, I have been with other women. I haven’t loved them. I can’t even remember their names. But even with them, Keira was always in my mind. She’s not the same. Her tits are rounder, her hips broader. But her skin is still silky soft and sweet to kiss.
"Phoenix," she breathes, and hearing my name on her lips breaks something inside me.
I capture her mouth with mine, kissing her deeply as we move together. For the first time since my return, this thing between us is raw and honest. I can’t stop the wish that it could always be like this.
“Oh, God…” Her body tenses, arches beneath me. She comes apart, crying out my name. I don’t want this to end. Not yet. But her pussy grips my dick and I have no choice. My orgasm whips through me like a storm.
We lie tangled together afterward, her head resting on my chest, my fingers tracing patterns on her bare skin. I don't want to leave her bed. I don't want to retreat back into revenge. But that is the reality of our lives.
Oh, sure, we’ll share a bed once we’re married. We’ll have sex. Maybe we’ll have children. But I know that this moment is the last time we’ll be Phoenix and Keira of ten years ago. I’m happy that we’ve given ourselves this gift, even as my heart rips at the loss of it again.
I wake with a jolt.For a moment, I'm disoriented. This isn't Keira's room. I'm back in my own bed, alone. For the last couple of nights, I’ve relived the other night with Keira. My dreams aren’t as sweet as the real thing. In fact, they torment me only because I know they aren’t real.
Today's the day. My wedding day. We finally are going to have what we planned for ten years ago, but now it’s tainted.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed focused on completing the plans that started ten years ago as I watched my house, my life, go up in flames. I stand under the shower spray, letting hot water pound against my shoulders.
But like in my dreams, that last night with Keira haunts my waking moments too. That moment had felt like stepping back in time, before betrayal and vengeance consumed me. For thosehours, I remembered what it was like to want something beyond retribution.
"Fuck," I mutter, lifting my face into the spray of hot water as if that will wash away all the pain I’ve endured… all the pain I’ve caused. And again, I wonder, could we get back what we lost?
I dress in a black suit, a crisp white shirt, and a blood-red tie. The mirror reflects a man I barely recognize anymore. Polished, dangerous, powerful. But beneath that exterior, doubt creeps in. Am I making a mistake? Not the marriage itself. That's necessary for our position in Boston. But my shifting feelings for Keira complicate everything. I've spent ten years hardening myself against the Keans, against her. Now I'm questioning all of it.
My phone buzzes with messages from my brothers. Last-minute security details. Confirmation that all the families will attend. Business as usual, even on my wedding day.
I adjust my tie, straightening it unnecessarily. My hands aren't steady, and that infuriates me. Phoenix Ifrinn doesn't get nervous. He doesn't hesitate.
Yet here I stand, caught between the man I've become and the man I once was. Between vengeance and something that feels like hope.
I take a deep breath and reach for my watch, my father's watch, salvaged from the ashes of our old life. The weight of it grounds me, reminds me of why we fought our way back to Boston.
But as I fasten it around my wrist, Keira's face flashes in my mind. Not the defiant woman who threw champagne in my face, but the girl who once looked at me like I made the world turn. Made the sun rise. Like I was everything.
With a last look in the mirror, I tell myself to get my shit together. There’s no place for longing or sentiment. It only makes me weak, and today of all days, I need to be strong. Cruel, even.
I join my brothers in my office as the rest of the house is in a whirl of activity. Ash, Flint, and Blaise are already dressed in matching black suits with blood-red pocket squares, a nod to our family's rise from the ashes.
"There he is." Flint raises a glass of whiskey. "The man of the hour."
Ash claps me on the shoulder. "How're you holding up?"
"Fine," I say automatically, accepting the glass Blaise hands me.
Their presence steadies me. These men, my brothers, are why I’ve done everything I have over the last ten years. Barely twenty-one, I became the head of the family. They looked to me for guidance and leadership, and I’ve done all I can to provide that. Have I fucked up at times? Yes. But ten years later, here we are. My brothers are married, fathers, and we’re standing in the place that had been ours before Hampton Kean ripped it away. We fought, bled, and clawed our way back to this moment together.
