I close my eyes briefly, the memory still painful after all these years. When I open them again, I force myself to meet his gaze. "They called me downstairs and told me there had been a fire at your family's estate. That everyone inside had died." I wish I could retreat from reliving these worst moments of my life. "And then they told me it was my fault. I guess you have that in common with my parents.”
I turn away feeling utterly alone. Phoenix has his brothers and their wives. Even my parents have each other. But who do I have? No one. Nothing.
Phoenix goes still. "Your fault? How?"
I shake my head. I can't tell him about the pregnancy. Not now, not when Brigit's safety hangs in the balance.
"They said they did it because of me. Because of us. I didn't believe them at first. They didn’t find your body, so I kept hoping you'd survived somehow. That you'd come for me like you promised."
The pain of those days washes over me again. The endless waiting, the desperate hope that Phoenix had somehow escaped the flames.
"Every day, I waited. For months, I watched for you. I thought about running away to find you, but they kept me locked up. Monitored my every move." I look up at him, feeling the sting of tears I refuse to shed. "I truly believed you were dead. That was the only explanation I could accept for why you never came for me."
I take a shaky breath, meeting his eyes directly. "But you didn't die. You lived. And you never came back for me. You left me here to face all this alone."
I watch as something shifts in Phoenix's expression. His eyes soften, just slightly, the blue of them less icy than they've been. "I thought about coming for you."
"Then why didn't you?"
Phoenix runs a hand through his dark hair. "Everything was chaos. We barely escaped with our lives. My brothers were traumatized and I guess I was too. We knew immediately who was to blame and that we would be dead too. We had to disappear completely."
He moves to the window, staring out at the darkness beyond. "We had nothing, Keira. No resources, no allies we could trust. Coming for you would have meant exposing ourselves, risking everything."
I stand frozen, absorbing his words. All this time, I'd believed he was gone forever, when he was out there, hiding, surviving.
"And then…" He turns back to me, his expression hardening slightly. "Time passed. Days turned to weeks, then months. We built new lives, new identities. And the longer we were away, the more the resentment grew."
I can see it in his eyes. The slow poison of bitterness that transformed the boy I loved into this hardened man.
"Ten years is a long time to nurse hatred," he continues. "To convince yourself that everyone connected to the Kean name was complicit. To plan how you'd make them all pay."
I resent my parents even more, which seems impossible. But all I can see now are the years Phoenix and I might have had with Brigit if they hadn’t been stolen by my parents' ambition and cruelty.
“And so here you are. Mission accomplished. You finally get what you wanted. I hope you appreciate it, Phoenix. Most of us never get close to what we want.”
His eyes narrow. “What is it you want, Keira?”
I laugh bitterly. “I’ve given up wanting anything. What’s the point?” Of course, that’s not completely true. My only dream now is for Brigit to have a safe and happy life away from here.
“You want something. I know you do. Why are you hiding it from me?” His voice is even-keeled, but I know he’s not asking. He now has that air of authority that leaders have.
I don’t say anything.
“Where were you sneaking away to the other night?”
I laugh again, and he doesn’t like it if the flash of anger in his eyes is any indication. “Not to see a lover. Why are you so intent on believing that?” I start to walk away, tired of this game we play.
His jaw tightens as he reaches out to take my arm, preventing me from moving. “Where were you going?”
Incensed, I stare into his blue eyes. “To see Brigit. To make sure she was okay.” There’s no reason to hide my intentions that night any longer. He knows she’s here. He made her a sandwich, apparently.
He releases me, surprise etched in his expression. “Why hide her? Do you think I’d hurt a child?”
I throw up my hands in exasperation. “The house was invaded, Phoenix. Guns firing. People were dying. Of course I’m going to put her somewhere safe.”
“Right.” He steps back as if he only now realizes the implications of what he did. He takes in a breath. "Brigit. Your parents asked about her. They seemed… unusually concerned for her wellbeing. More so than for yours, actually."
I force a casual shrug, though my mind is racing. I can only think my parents are trying to figure out a way to use her to save themselves. All the more reason to get her out of here and away from all of them. "She's their god-daughter. They've always been fond of her."
