And my father nearly took her away from Ash as well. God, no wonder Phoenix hates all of us.
“It’s not quite the same, though, is it? I mean, I won’t find another love because I’ll be married to Phoenix.”
“Yeah, that sucks,” Lucy says, shaking her head.
"The worst part was believing I caused his death. All their deaths. That my love for him was what killed him." I take a shaky breath.
"Did you ever try to tell him the truth?" Jenna asks.
"Would you believe me if you were him?" I counter. "After ten years of hating me? After believing I helped murder his parents?" I shake my head. "Besides, he's not interested in the truth. He wants revenge. He wants to make an example of me."
"So why go through with it?" Lucy challenges. "Why marry him?"
“You aren’t from our world, are you?”
“I live on earth in the Twenty-First Century.” Lucy purses her lips at me.
“Yes, well, our world is more archaic. The truth is, I didn’t have a choice.”
“God, when I saw you at dinner… The way you kept your head held up high, I thought you were amazing,” Jenna said. “You don’t have a choice but you weren’t going to let him bring you down.”
“I liked it when you threw your champagne in his face.”
I smile. “Yeah, well, that sort of behavior isn’t smart.”
“It’s Phoenix who isn’t smart. I imagine if he’d see the truth, you and he could have something special,” Lucy says.
I shake my head. “When pigs fly.”
“I don’t know. I mean, I never thought Ash would be anything but cold and difficult,” Hannah says.
"What changed?" I ask, almost afraid to hear the answer, afraid to hope.
“Patience. Eventually, he had to make a choice between holding onto his pain or reaching for something new." She smiles, her hand moving to her belly where her child grows. "He chose life. Chose love."
Could Phoenix make that same choice? Could I? It seems impossible.
"I don't know if Phoenix can let go of his anger at my family. Even if he could see I wasn’t a part of betraying him, he can’t look at me and not see a Kean.”
“Well, then he’s an idiot.” Lucy flicks her hand like she’s swatting a gnat away.
“Let’s talk about something else. Tell me about little Flynn, and Jenna and Hannah, about your pregnancies.”
I’m relieved when they eagerly change the subject. I’m grateful for their kindness even if I’m still wary of it. Having female friends feels odd after years of isolation. My marriage will be a cold and difficult one, but these women as sisters-in-law could be a bright spot. They won’t replace the emptiness I’ll feelwhen Brigit is gone, but they’ll be a distraction. A way to cope through a long, unhappy life with Phoenix.
20
PHOENIX
The first time I walked into the downtown offices of my father’s business, I was four or five years old. He stood me by the window overlooking the city and told me that as the oldest son, someday, this would all be mine. He explained the responsibilities of being the head of the family that not only included running the business, but also taking care of my brothers.
I was thrust into the role of leader of the family at twenty-one, not quite ready but fueled by loss and anger. I succeeded. As I look out that same window now, I hope my father is proud of me. My brothers are happily married, one with a child and the other two with babies on the way. I’ve taken back the business. Granted, he might not like my marrying Keira or how I’ve treated her, but I also think he’d understand.
“He really did want to inhabit Dad’s life, didn’t he?” Flint says as he enters the office. It’s the first time all of us have been back in ten years. “He built nearly the same house over ours and this place hasn’t changed a bit.”
I turn to greet him. “It’s ours now. Like it should have been.”
Blaise and Ash follow him in, and I sense the same feelings of satisfaction, of feeling Dad looking down on us approvingly, in them as I feel.
