The lock clicks and Flint appears, taking one look at my face before stepping aside. "Jesus, what happened?"
I burst into his apartment, the scent of a home-cooked meal hanging in the air. Lucy sits at their dining table, a spoon mid-air to feed their baby, Flynn.
"I need to spar," I growl. My hands won't stop shaking, and I can still feel Hannah's touch burning on my skin.
Flint's annoyed expression shifts as he studies my face. We've been through enough together that he can read the storm brewing inside me. His eyes soften with understanding.
"Lucy, I’ll do the dishes when I get back,” Flint says to his wife.
Lucy nods, concern etched across her features. "Of course. Me and Flynn will finish up eating."
"Thanks, babe." Flint crosses to the hall. "Let me change and grab my gear."
I catch the quiet exchange between them. Lucy's questioning look, Flint's subtle head shake. They don't need words to communicate, just like me and my brothers. I’m a jerk for busting in on them like this. But Flint is a good brother, and Lucy is a good sister-in-law. When I have my shit more together, I’ll thank them.
I stand awkwardly by the door as I wait for Flint. Lucy makes cooing sounds as she wipes Flynn’s face and then lifts him out of the highchair, cradling him against her chest. The sight stirs something in me, envy, maybe. Not of the baby, but of what Flint has found. Peace. Purpose beyond revenge.
Lucy catches my eye and gives me a knowing look. She's always been too perceptive for her own good. That's what made her such a dangerous journalist, how she first stumbled onto our family's history with the Keans. Now she's as much an Ifrinn as any of us by blood.
"He's getting so big," I say, just to break the tension.
"Growing like a weed." Lucy adjusts Flynn's position. "Can you thank Hannah again for me? She was such a big help with Flynn the other day.”
My jaw clenches at Hannah's name. Lucy notices, of course she does, but mercifully doesn't comment. And then it hits me.When did Hannah see Lucy and Flynn? I’m so self-centered that I know so little of Hannah’s life.
Lucy leaves the table and sits in a rocking chair with Flynn, humming softly. The happy scene before me is everything I once dreamed of with Meghan. Everything I've denied myself since losing her. Everything Hannah deserves but I can't give her.
Flint returns from changing, his gym bag slung over his shoulder. He drops a kiss on Lucy's head. Not long ago, I never would have believed my brother could find this kind of happiness. But Lucy gave Flint something to fight for beyond vengeance. Something to live for.
I watch them together, my brother, his wife, their child, and for a moment, I wonder if Phoenix is right. If Meghan would want this for me too.
"The gym should be empty this time of night." Flint grips my shoulder, steadying me. "Come on. Let's work out whatever’s got your boxers in a bunch."
The weight of his hand grounds me, reminds me I'm not alone in this mess. Flint, like my other brothers, has always been there, through the darkest days after Meghan, through every failed attempt at revenge. He knows exactly what I need right now, a physical outlet for this chaos inside me.
"Thanks," I manage to get out.
We head to the basement gym. Flint, thankfully, is quiet. It won’t last, but he’ll at least help me work out the physical aspect of my torment before trying to get me to speak about it.
In the gym, we put on gloves and move to the area with a large square mat so we can spar.
We bob and weave a bit. I throw a punch that he ducks from. Flint is the pro boxer in the family. But I’m no slouch.
“You’re getting slow, old man,” Flint taunts me.
I swing again, wanting to connect with something. Wanting to feel the force reverberate through my body and hopefullyforce out Hannah's soft moans replaying in my head. The way she felt around me, so tight, so perfect. Her complete trust in me as I took her virginity. Fuck.
What kind of monster am I? Taking her innocence when I can't give her the love she deserves. Using her body for my own pleasure while my heart still belongs to a ghost.
The guilt grows, claws at my insides. For ten years, I've carried Meghan in my heart, let her memory fuel my revenge against the Keans. Now I've betrayed her by finding pleasure in another woman's arms. Not just pleasure, because I’ve fucked women. It was more than that. Seeped inside her body, the sensations went beyond the physical, just like I was afraid they might.
I fucked Hannah and then hurt her again. Like I always do. And she let me. After showing understanding about Meghan, after letting me get lost in her body, she didn’t try to stop me as I ran from the room like a coward. The pain on her face haunts me as much as the pleasure I’d seen.
I throw another punch, and this time, it connects with Flint. But it does nothing to rid the sensation of her silky skin under my fingers. The taste of her on my tongue. The image of her coming apart, so beautiful in her pleasure. No woman has made me feel this way since Meghan.
Flint catches my chin, and physical pain is almost a relief compared to the war raging in my heart. I stagger back.
“So, what’s got you all keyed up?” he asks as I work to reset.
