“It won’t be long before this is you,” Lucy says to Jenna, who smiles and rubs her belly. It’s only then do I notice it’s a bit round.
“You’re pregnant?” I ask.
She nods. “Yes. Just about five months.”
“Congratulations.” Something inside me aches at seeing Jenna happy in her pregnancy, Lucy blissful in motherhood. Even before my parents arranged this marriage, I'd dreamed of having children. But it’s clear that won’t happen with Ash.
"Little Flynn is going to have a cousin soon." Lucy leans over and kisses Flynn’s head.
"What about you, Hannah? Do you think you and Ash will have a family?" Jenna asks.
I feel teary because I know we won’t. "I… I'd love children someday. But Ash and I aren't exactly…" I trail off. How can I explain that my husband won't even sleep in the same room as me? That the mere thought of touching me seems to fill him with guilt and revulsion?
“Well, you’re only just married. And the circumstances are a bit different.” Jenna’s comment is probably meant to take the pressure off, but it only serves to highlight that I’m not the woman Ash wants.
Lucy shakes her head. “I find the whole thing archaic.” Her eyes widen at me as if she realizes she might have just offended me. “I’m sorry. It’s not you. Just the idea of a young woman forced into a marriage… You’re eighteen, right? Is this what you planned for your life?”
Jenna gives me a sympathetic look. “Lucy didn’t grow up in a family like yours.”
As if she realizes she could have offended me, Lucy says, “I’m sorry. Jenna is right. I don’t understand how in this day and age…” She blows out a breath. “But it’s not for me to say and I understand you did agree.”
I nod, even though I really didn’t have a choice. “I wouldn’t mind going to college, but having a home and a family appeals to me too. And Ash says I can have my art tutor, and art is what I really love.”
“So, you’re happy?” Jenna asks.
“Of course,” I lie. “Did you grow up in a family like this?”
Jenna shakes her head. “Not like you. I grew up around it. My mother was the gardener for the Ifrinns and later the Keans. I was the Keans’ gardener when Blaise… well… I grew up around it, so I know a bit of how things work. Although…” She looks down, and I see sadness cross her face.
Lucy reaches out and pats her hand. “Blaise loves you. We all do. It’s their own fault for being so patriarchal and misogynistic.”
I’m completely lost, but don’t feel I should ask what they’re talking about.
Jenna gives me a wan smile. “I once believed in the Keans and later learned I was manipulated to help them…” She bites her lip as tears form.
“It’s not your fault.”
I scan my brain for what I know about the Keans and the Ifrinns. As a young girl, I remember going to the estate when the Ifrinns lived there. I even remember when I was eight years old, my father driving by the home after it burned. It gave me nightmares for months. After the Keans rebuilt, I’d been to their home just a few times.
Then I remember an article that suggested the Keans were involved in the fire. My gaze goes to Lucy as I begin to put the pieces together. “You wrote the article about the Keans.”
Lucy smiles. “I did.”
“I think it’s why my father made the marriage deal. That and Ronan was killed. I was supposed to marry him.” Am I revealing too much?
Jenna shudders. “I imagine life with Ash is no picnic, but it’s better than being with Ronan. Of that I’m sure.”
I try to smile, but life with Ash is nowhere close to a picnic.
"How are you settling in?" Lucy asks with concern in her voice.
“Fine. The new house is beautiful. Ash is letting me decorate it however I want. We move in next week."
“And Ash is… kind to you?” The way in which Jenna asks it suggests they don’t think he’s treating me well. I suppose the way he couldn’t stand to look at me at dinner is a dead giveaway.
“He’s… adjusting too, I suppose.”
"These Ifrinn men, they're… complicated. But they care deeply once they let themselves,” Jenna says.
