I shake my head, feeling confused. “Is it wrong to want to be a good wife? To have my husband want me?”
“Yes—”
Sophia glares at Katie. “No. Whatever you want is right for you. But being a good wife doesn’t mean you have to give up your hopes and dreams.”
“And you can’t make someone want you,” Maria, who plans to study psychology, says. “If he’s not invested in the marriage, why not pursue what you want?”
I think about how out of nowhere, Ash had kissed me. Touched me. Made my body explode with pleasure I’d never even imagined. My body tingles at the memory of it. But it's not just physical attraction drawing me to him. There's something deeper, hidden beneath his cold exterior. Except for when he touched me, I haven’t seen warmth from him, but I still sense it. Or maybe it's wishful thinking. After all, he ran out like I had cooties or something.
What I want isn't just physical intimacy or even basic acceptance. I want him to see me. Not as a bargaining chip or an obligation, but as a partner. Someone he can trust, confide in, maybe even care for.
This Meghan person clearly holds a piece of his heart. I don’t know how I’ll compete with her, but I have to try. If I’m going to have any peace or happiness, I have to try to make this marriage work.
“The thing is… I feel something for him. Probably not love, but a connection. I think he feels it too but doesn’t want to.”
“Then that’s his answer.” Katie isn’t having any of my attempts to make my marriage work.
“If he felt it too, he wouldn’t have left,” Maria says gently. “He wouldn’t be saying he can’t follow through with the marriage.”
She’s right.
“And yet, he says you’re house hunting. That doesn’t sound like a man who’s not following through,” Sophia says.
She has a point.
"What do you really want, Hannah?" Sophie asks.
I know what I don’t want. I don’t want what my parents want. Not what society expects.What do I want?
"I want this marriage to work." The words surprise even me with their conviction. "I know it sounds crazy after everything I just told you, but… there's something about him. When he letshis guard down, when he forgets to be cold, I see glimpses of someone worth fighting for."
"Are you sure?" Maria squeezes my hand. "You don't have to settle just because of what your parents say. It shouldn’t be just up to you to make the best of a bad situation.”
"I'm not settling." The certainty in my voice grows stronger, although I don’t know where it’s coming from. “He’s in the same situation as me. His family needs my family too.”
My friends exchange looks. It tells me they probably suspect the sort of families we come from.
“I don’t understand your family, but it seems to me that you’ve only just met, right?” Sophie asks. “It’s not like you’ve dated and gotten to know each other.”
I nod.
“Then you need to get to know each other.”
Katie perks up. “Yeah. Show him you’re better than that Meghan bitch.”
“Fight for your man, if that’s what you want,” Maria agrees.
Their words stir something inside me. That fierce spark I used to feel before my parents stamped it out with social obligations. The girl who painted wild storms and danced in rain puddles is still here.
"You're right." I straighten my shoulders. "I'm going to that house showing. But I'm going to have opinions. Real ones. Not just nodding and smiling at whatever he picks."
“Yes, girl. You make the rules.” Katie shoulder bumps me.
The rules. I’m already thinking of several I want to set, most of them around his mistress.
"So, what's the plan?" Katie leans forward, eyes sparkling with conspiracy.
"I'm going to show him that I'm more than just part of some arrangement. That I can be a real partner." The ideas startflowing faster. "And I'm not going to let him push me away or ignore me."
