She startled and laughed. “Just thinking, that’s all. Dad would never in a million years have done what you just did. He could have been standing right next to the coffee pot, and he still would have expected Mom to refill his cup for him.” Hershoulders lifted as she hunched over her mug and took a sip. “It’s funny, because I used to worry you’d turn out just like him.”
I froze, my fingertips turning white from gripping my mug. There were twelve years between us, so we had never been particularly close growing up. Amy had been eight when I graduated from high school. College had been like a breath of fresh air, and I spent as little time at home as I could, given that Dad still controlled my finances. But I had always made it a point to spend time with her when I was around. Hearing her say she thought I was like him in any way scraped me raw.
“I’m not like him,” I said, hating the uncertainty in my voice.
“That’s what I’m saying. I mean, sometimes you talked like him, and it always caught me off guard. Remember in college how you were the second-string quarterback, and Dad was so mad because of course his son should have been the starting quarterback, and he said it was the coach playing favorites?—”
I winced. “Yeah, thanks, I remember.” I remembered breaking the news to my dad, how his anger fed mine, and said something to Julian that was so out of line I couldn’t think about it now without feeling like I was on fire.
And I remembered Julian proving me wrong every damn day. When he was one of the first draft picks in the NFL, I wasn’t surprised. But did I learn my lesson?
Not a fucking chance.
“You’re not Dad, Steven,” Amy said quietly. “Dad was mean and angry. You were angry, but you were never mean.”
She meant to make me feel better, but I only felt worse. Amy didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know what happened with James, that she had gotten hurt because of me. And I sure as shit wasn’t going to tell her.
I nodded toward the map she had spread out on the table. “Where are you headed?”
“Estes Park with my friend Lila. The aspens are all gold now and the elks are bugling.”
“You’ll be back in time for dinner? I told Terry we’d be there at six sharp,” I reminded her. Terry had invited us for Sunday dinner, and I only said yes because Chloe wouldn’t be there. He still didn’t know that I had history with his daughter, and I wanted to keep it that way.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be home in time to shower and change,” Amy said. “We’re not doing a big hike, just getting lunch and taking in the scenery. Actually, I’ve got to get going.” She scraped back her chair and pushed to her feet.
I stepped back to let her pass, but she caught me by the elbow, rolled up on her toes, and kissed my cheek. “Thanks, big brother.”
My hand flew to my face. We weren’t a touchy-feely family. We didn’t hug. We sure as hell didn’t give cheek kisses. “For what?”
“For the coffee. For…everything.”
I stayed rooted to the spot long moments after she had disappeared into her room. The way she had looked at me, with all that love and trust shining from her eyes that looked so much like our mom’s…it made my chest hurt.
I wondered how she’d look at me if she knew the truth.
10
CHLOE
Mom
Good news, your brothers will all be home after all. It’s been too long since we were all together.
Chloe
Great, can’t wait to see them. Six?
Mom
Could you come at five? We have company coming. Terry invited his new partner. I could use an extra hand.
Chloe
Sure, no problem. Are you feeling okay?
Mom
Don’t worry about me. It’s a good day. :)
