She shook her head, feeling his heartbeat strong and hard under her palm. “I don’t believe you will.”
“Believe me. I have a history of it. Stone. The rest of the guys. My mom. Grandmother. Drew. That little gi—” He paused to swallow. “I’ve let them all down. What if I add you to that list? God, I don’t want to. I refuse to.”
“You won’t.”
He backed up a few steps as if he couldn’t bear for her to touch him. “There are things you don’t know about me. Bad things. Things I’m goddamned ashamed of.”
Her heart broke at the desolation and guilt rough in his voice. He was talking about his hospitalization. “Idoknow about it,” she told him quietly. “I’ve known since the first week we met that you tried to silence the horror in your head with a bunch of pills and booze.”
His face paled, and his gaze seemed even more hollow. “You know? How?”
“The rec center,” she said. “I overheard you talking to someone during one of the sit-in therapy sessions. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop—I was outside the room waiting for my grandfather to get out of bingo down the hall and…yeah.”
“You’ve known this whole time?”
“Yes.”
He blinked. “And you still wanted to be around me?”
“Of course.” She balked. “Jesus, don’t you see? Your past—good and bad—has shaped you into the person you are today. And I really,reallylike who you are, Leo. I like being with you. And I like who I am when I’m with you.”
“I really like you, too, Kaydee,” he said, and his words would’ve warmed her heart if it weren’t for his cold, hard gaze. “And I refuse to bring you down if I relapse or something. You deserve better.”
“No. I deserveyou.”
He shook his head. “You deserve someone you can count on. Someone who makes you happy and isn’t a burden.”
She smiled. “You’ve just described yourself, Leo, becauseyouare all those things to me. And more.”
He muttered a curse. “You’re not listening to me. I told you, I’m toxic. I unintentionally hurt the people I care about.”
“The only way you could hurt me is by shutting me out.”
His chin lifted. “Maybe it’s for the better.”
She frowned. “Better? For who? You?” Her heart slammed into her ribs, and she waved her hand at him. “Because it sure as hell isn’t better for me. Or our baby.”
Dammit. She hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that.
His head jerked back, then his whole body stilled. “Baby?”
Inhaling deep, she cursed her stupidity and nodded. “Yes. I’m pregnant.”
“Pregnant…” He dropped his toolbox back on the chair, shoved a hand through his hair, and held the back of his neck as he blew out a breath. A long one, then he blinked and straightened before his set his focus on her. “How are you feeling?”
Warmth broke through the chill that settled over her chest. How could he not see how much he really did care about her?
“Tired and a little queasy, but otherwise, I’m okay.”
He nodded but remained silent, stunned expression still glued to his face.
She folded her arms across her chest to keep from reaching out to touch him. “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you. I’m sorry. But it feels like you’re about to walk out on me and I thought you should know.”
Again, he nodded but remained silent. God…he really was about to walk out.
The chill returned to her body with such force and so fast her chest felt like it had caved in on itself.
Somehow, she managed to find her voice. “Look, the last thing I want is for you to feel obligated to stay with me now.”
