Page 23 of Deviled Eggs


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God, I want it, and that’s why I can’t have it.

“Don’t,” I whisper in a plea, just before his lips find mine. “Don’t pity me. Don’t…” Using the last bit of self-control I have left, I put space between us as his wary eyes follow mine. “Don’t give me crumbs of your affection because you believe I’m so hungry for it that I will allow you to pretend.”

“This isn’t pretending, Micah.”

“Maybe not, but it isn’t real, either. Do not insult my intelligence by leading me on with counterfeit promises. People don’t like me. They don’t enjoy my company, Xalreth, and they don’t want me around. That includesyou, and I have already suffered too much humiliation by your hands. I will not put myself in a position to be rejected again.”

Guilt grows heavy on his face as he shakes his head. “It’s not that they don’t like you…”

“Please,” I snort with a scornful laugh. “No one has ever made any attempt to hide their feelings about me. You think I don't hear them mocking me behind my back? That I cannot feel that hatred clawing at my skin?”

“What do you mean, feel it?” he asks, and I clench my teeth. “Micah, come on. Talk to me. What you mean by that?”

“Archangel sense emotions. We understand intent. How do you think it feels when every horrid thought carves its way into your skin, regardless of whether you want it? Whether youaskedfor it or not?” An unamused laugh punches loose as I shake my head. “All that hatred, shoved down your throat every minute you are awake.”

“I… didn’t know.”

“Few do,” I say, dismissing him by waving my hand as I try to fight the tightness in my throat.

Xalreth’s lips pull tight, and it’s telling that he can’t meet my eyes. “I didn’t realize it bothers you when they talk.”

“You didn’t realize that ridiculing me would hurt? While I might be old, I am not invincible. Don’t insult either of us by playing dumb.”

He shifts uncomfortably between his feet, and the satisfaction that I once found in his discomfort is missing. In its place is the need to calm him… to tell him it doesn’t matter. To not worry about me, because no one ever does. “Things are different now,” he finally says. “I didn’t know you then.”

“You don’t know me now, either.”

“But I want to.”

My chest grows tight at the whispered confession, and I heave a tired sigh as I risk a glance in his direction. “Nobodywantsto know me, Xalreth. Theyhaveto tolerate me. That is the Archangel’s curse.”

“Is that why you’re so closed off? Why you make yourself so hard to talk to?” I avert my gaze, not answering the question, but I suppose my silence is enough. “By pushing everyone away, you’re shielding yourself from hurt. Can’t lose what you never have, after all.” He leans closer, and I catch a whiff of his smokyamber scent on the wind. “Isn’t it exhausting, Micah? Aren’t you tired of carrying all that weight alone?”

I am tired, I think.

Exhausted.

But instead of letting that confession cross my lips, I do my duty and stay silent. Sunlight warms my face as I close my eyes, and I take a minute to stitch up all those seams that he just ripped apart. When I open my eyes again, I’m put together once more. Cool and collected, with those cracks in my armor mended, at least for the moment.

“We have a mission to accomplish,” I say quietly. “Can we keep this professional?”

“Is that what you want?”

No.

“Yes. It’s how it has to be.” He reaches over, his pinkie tracing a line along mine, but I don’t return the touch. A charged silence follows, a suffocating tension that compresses us both. He shoves his hands in his pockets, and we both stand there with the unsaid words cutting our tongues as we hold them in.

It’s how it has to be.

Chapter 8

Xalreth

The outfit hanging in front of me ismonstrous.

“You’resurethis is right?” I yell through the door for what has to be the tenth time as I stare at the shiny black material, and like always, Micah takes his fucking time responding.

Three must be his magic number, because once again, I waited through three days of silence after our trip to the human park. I’d foolishly thought our relationship had shifted there.