Bentley
I’m a fucking wreck when I walk into work an hour later. After showering at the gym I dressed and drove here, only to sit in the parking lot for another ten minutes trying to gather myself. I feel so fucking stupid being this upset about Alex going on a date, but I can’t help it. I knew he would get back out there at some point, I just never expected it to be with a guy. And the worst part is, I’m already upset at whoever this guy is for taking my Alex time away. If they keep dating and it gets serious he’ll have far less time to spend with me than he does now, and as it is we only see each other a few times a week. I know that’s fucking selfish, and that he deserves to go on dates and enjoy himself. I just wish I could be the one making him happy, sitting with him at a restaurant, or a movie, or wherever the fuck he wants to go, because I’d do anything with him just to get to spend more time together. But now, it’s my job to support him while he dates someone else, and I will, because I care about him, but fuck if it’s not going to hurt something awful.
I suppose it’s a good thing I won’t see him for a few daysbecause that will give me some time to wrap my brain around all of this and hopefully be a supportive friend when he talks about how his date went.
“Morning, bestie,” Peyton chirps when I walk through the door. My gaze doesn’t meet hers right away but when it does, the tears start all over again, and she jumps up from her seat behind the receptionist desk.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asks, and I’m sobbing as her arms come around me. I pull away when I realize I’m getting tears and probably snot on her fancy blouse.
“Sorry,” I say, sniffling. “This is so unprofessional.”
She snorts and then grabs a tissue off the box on the desk and hands it to me. “Hon, you know I will lock this place down and cancel every single one of your appointments if I have to. You don’t have anyone for half an hour anyway, and you know better than to think you have to be professional with me. What happened?”
I wipe my nose with the tissue and then my eyes with my fingers, sucking in a breath. “Alex has a date tonight.”
She frowns. “What?”
I nod. “With a guy. Apparently he’s into guys, just not me. If he was dating a girl I wouldn’t be so upset. I mean it would still suck, but fuck, him dating a guy hurts so much worse.”
She sighs. “I am not wrong about this. He’s probably doing it because he thinks you don’t have feelings for him. You need to say something.”
“It’s too late now, Pey, I’d just make a fool of myself. He’s letting me down easy, I guess. Not telling me to my face that I don’t stand a chance. And at least he’s keeping me in the friend zone.”
She sighs again. “You want me to cancel your appointments and we can play hooky?”
I shake my head. “No, I can’t afford to do that. Besides, it'll be a good distraction.”
I manage not to sob onto my clients while I’m massaging them, or tell them all about how broken hearted I am.
It only makes things worse when I run into Alex leaving for his date as I’m unlocking the door to my apartment.
“Hey,” he says, smiling at me. “How do I look?” He spreads his arms and spins, and it's all I can do not to start crying all over again. He’s wearing chinos, and he has a blazer on over a plain white shirt. His hair is perfectly tousled and I ache to run my fingers through it.
“Amazing,” I tell him, managing to force a small smile.
His grin turns to a frown. “You okay?” he asks, stepping closer.
“Yeah, of course,” I lie, plastering another smile on my face. “Just tired. Long day. Have a good time.”
He bites his lip but nods. “See you later.”
I turn and stumble into my apartment before he sees me fall apart.
I want to cuddle with Marble but I feel weird about going into Alex’s apartment now for some reason. And that makes me realize that if he’s got a steady boyfriend I probably won’t have the same “walk in whenever you want to” privileges. Things are going to change a lot, I think, and it makes my chest ache and more tears spring to my eyes.
I don’t feel very hungry so I just eat a protein bar for dinner. I try to watch someSupernaturalbecause it’s always been my comfort show, but I can’t because it only makes me think of Alex.
I have a sick feeling in my stomach the entire evening, thinking about him being on a date with someone, flirting with them, kissing them, maybe even getting fucked by them.
Shit, I don’t know how to accept this, and I know I’mthe worst friend in the world for even thinking for a second that maybe his date will suck, and he’ll be mine again, even if it’s just for a little while.
Alex
I take a deep breath and let it out. I’m sitting in the parking lot of the restaurant where Greg said he would meet me. And all I can think about is that I’m missing out on time with Bentley. I could be sitting on his couch right now, watchingSupernaturalwhile he knits something and Marble snoozes between us. I could be in sweats and a T-shirt instead of chinos and a dress shirt. I could be surrounded by his smell, his laugh, his smile.
But I told myself I was going to do this so I could let these feelings for Bentley go, so even though I don’t want to, I climb out of the car and head inside. I told Greg on Grindr that I was new to dating guys, so he isn’t blindsided by me, and he didn’t seem to mind. He was very polite and sweet when we talked, and said he wasn’t interested in one night stands either, so there was no pressure for sex. Just getting to know each other.
It’s warming up, and there’s a pleasant breeze in the air as I make my way inside. I spot who I’m pretty sure is Greg sitting at a table sipping on wine, and inform the hostess that I’m here with him.
