“Can I ask you one more question?” he says. I nod. “Who was Dylan? Was he a friend of Trey’s?”
I nod again. “He tried to help him after he left, I think, and he did for a little while, but Trey got so addicted to drugs Dylan couldn’t save him, and he blames us. Rightly so.” I sob quietly as Charlie holds me.
“Don’t ever leave me,” I say, gripping him tightly. “Please. I need you.” He lies on his back and pulls me to him. I rest my head on his chest and drape my leg across him, pinning him in place.
“Sleep,” he tells me, and I feel his arms closing around me.
“Charlie?” I manage before I doze off.
“Hmm?”
“I love you, too.”
“I know,” he says. “You told me in the hospital.”
“What? When?”
“When you were drugged up, you told me you were in love with me.”
“Oh, sorry.” I want to move my head and look at him, but I can’t. I’m so exhausted.
He laughs. “Don’t apologize for it.”
“No, I’m sorry I’m telling you I’m in love with you twice now when I’m drugged up. I was planning on it being more romantic than that.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, pressing another kiss to my hair. “This is romantic as hell, old man.”
CHARLIE
“Rise and shine, sleepy head.” I stroke Paul’s stubbled cheek and he stirs, blinking his eyes open. Normally I would let him sleep in on his day off, but I can’t wait any longer. It’s Christmas morning and I want to give him his present. He’s had a rough few days. It’s been a week since he came home from the hospital. He’s doing better physically after passing the kidney stone, but his anxiety has been through the roof since our conversation about Trey, and he still looks at me every day like he can’t believe I’m still here. Despite my assurance, he seems convinced I’ll change my mind any moment and bolt. I wish he could see himself the way I see him, as the strong, beautiful, amazing man he is. Someone who messed up and grew and learned from his mistakes, who continues to learn and wants to do better. Someone who changed my life and made me better. I will always love him for that. He’s the best person I know.
“Happy Christmas,” I say and press a kiss to his nose, trying to cheer him up. He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I love you,” I add, and stroke his cheek. I think it’s still hard for him to hear those words, but I won’t stop telling him.
His eyes are filled with so much grief and anguish still, so much self-hatred, it breaks my heart. “Are you sure this is what you want, Charlie?” he asks me. “You could have anyone. Someone who isn’t broken mentally or physically. Someone who can keep up with you in bed. Someone who doesn't need you to bring them ice packs and ibuprofen every night and give them massages all the time. Someone who didn’t lie to you for months.”
I press my finger to his lips to silence him as his eyes fill with tears.
“Let me show you how sure I am. I’ll be right back.” I press a kiss to his head and then slide out of bed, moving out to the living room where his gift is waiting under the tree in the early morning light. I grab the white envelope with his name on it and bring it back to him, kneeling on the bed. He sits up, blinking at me, and I hand it to him. He sniffles and wipes his eyes.
“What’s this?”
“Your present. Open it.”
He tears it open and pulls out the paper. He unfolds it and his eyes rake over it. I bite my lip as I try to keep the smile from forming on my face. His eyes meet mine and he’s crying all over again, but I’m hoping these are happy tears.
“These are your test results?” He’s shaking. Oh, god, Papa Bear. I nod. “You’re STI free? For sure?” I nod again, barely able to contain my excitement. I shuffle closer on my knees and take his face in my hands.
“This is how sure I am,” I tell him. “I want this. I want us, making love, without any barriers, because there’s no one else I will ever want besides you. You are my everything, Paul Richards. You are my savior. You are my world. And I will never not love you. I will never not want you.”
He tosses the paper aside and takes me in his arms, falling onto his back as our lips meet.
He is my everything, and I know I’ve found my forever, my home, the place where I belong, and it’s right here, with him. No matter where life takes us, no matter where the road leads, we will walk it together, two imperfect, broken souls who are slowly but surely putting each other back together. And I can’t imagine anyone else I’d rather be on this journey with than him.
“Charlie,” he whimpers, as we undress each other. Moments later he’s thrusting into me, my knees hooked over his broad shoulders, his bare cock deep inside me as I stroke myself, whining his name.
“Oh my god, Charlie,” he tells me. “Fuck, I never knew it could be this good. You feel amazing, sweetheart.” Tears fill his eyes as he gazes at me, and I’m a goner. I take his face in my hands and bring his mouth to mine, kissing him tenderly, our tears mingling with each other’s as his thrusting slows and we rest our foreheads together for a moment, just breathing each other in, savoring this sweet connection, our oneness, our unity, our love.
“Okay, I need to move,” he says, and I nod. He kisses me as he begins to thrust again, and we both moan, our heads thrown back, each other’s names on our lips.
