His gaze leaves mine and his fingers play with the creases in the blanket draped across him. He has an IV in his arm and a blood pressure cuff around his left bicep. A pulse oximeter is on his left index finger. I hate seeing him with so much stuff strapped to him, even if he is technically okay. It makes the reality of what could have happened to him hit so much harder, and I hate that I was so stubborn and stayed away for so long. If anything had happened to him while I was gone and I hadn’t been there…Hearing that he was in the hospital, that he was sick, that I wasn’t there when he needed me. Nothing felt worse than that. And I don’t ever want to feel like that again. “I didn’t think you’d care.”
I sigh. “Just because I’m upset doesn’t mean I don’t care.”I care more than anything. That’s why you keeping things from me hurt so much. I want you to trust me. I want you to be honest with me. I fucking love you.
He looks at me again. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I should have told you about Trey sooner. I should have told you a lot of things sooner. I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you.” He takes in a breath and continues, his voice soft. I scoot closer and take his hand and he trembles. “You’ve changed my world Charlie. I never expected to fall in love again, and then you bulldozed into my life and I fell for you so hard and fast, and it scared the shit out of me. But the idea of losing you scared me more, and I just couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t have you thinking less of me because of what I’d done. And then I lost you anyway, and I…” Tears are filling his eyes now and sliding down his cheeks as his chest heaves, and I stand, moving to his side.
“Shh,” I say, stroking my fingers through his hair. “Rest, Papa Bear. You didn’t lose me. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. We can talk later, okay?” I press a kiss to his head and he nods. I squeeze his hand and then I lie down in the bed with him. His breath hitches and I look up at him.
“This okay?” I ask. “Does it hurt?” He shakes his head and drapes his arm over me, closing his eyes.
I never expected to fall in love again.His words echo in my mind as I doze off. I wonder if he realizes he just told me that he’s in love with me, or if it’s the morphine.
ChapterFifteen
PAUL
I wake up, I’m not sure how much later, to the blood pressure cuff on my arm going off for the billionth time, squeezing the daylights out of me. That thing fucking hurts, and I’m tempted to just rip it off. I grunt at the weight on my chest and start to panic a little, before I remember that it’s Charlie who is on top of me, his head resting against my chest.
I settle back and breathe normally, running my fingers through his hair. I can’t believe he’s here. I just wonder how long it will last. I take a deep breath and let it out, but just as I’m about to wake him, the doctor walks into the room and does the job for me.
“How are you feeling?” she says, causing Charlie to stir.
“I’m okay,” I say. “Pain has gone down quite a bit. That morphine is pretty good stuff.”
She chuckles. “Yes it is, but you can’t stay on it forever, I’m afraid. Do you feel like the pain is manageable enough that we can send you home with pain meds and see if you can pass this on your own? We’ll give you something to help make that part a little easier and we’ll give you a strainer to use as well. You’ll need to take it with you each time you use the bathroom, in the hopes of catching the stone so you can take it to the urologist when you see them. We’ll have you follow up with them in a couple of weeks. Also, make sure you are drinking lots of water.”
I nod. “I think I can do that.”
“If you feel worse you can always come back,” she tells me. “I’ll get your discharge papers and be back soon.”
“Thank you.”
Charlie sits up and yawns. “Going home?”
I nod.
“Good. I’ll drive you.”
An hour later, we’re home and Charlie is guiding me up the front steps and into the house. He helps me change into sweats and a T-shirt since I’m still a little loopy from the drugs, and then tucks me into bed.
“I’m going to go pick up your meds,” he tells me. “I’ll be right back.”
“Charlie, you don’t have to do all of this,” I tell him.
“Someone has to do it. You can’t be driving right now. Besides, I want to. Now shut up.” He kisses me on the forehead and then leaves the room.
I wake to pain in my side a while later and start to regret ever leaving the hospital. It’s not as bad as it was, but it’s definitely not pleasant. It’s gone from “I want to die right fucking now” to “yes, some pain meds would be nice, please, thank you.” I climb out of bed, wincing, and slowly make my way to the kitchen for the meds. Charlie sees me from his place on the sofa. I’m a little surprised he’s still here. I wasn’t honestly expecting him to be. Not because I think he’s a jerk, but because I am, and I don’t deserve him. But he did say he wasn’t going anywhere, and I guess he meant it.
“Shit, are you in pain?” he says as I shuffle through the kitchen gripping the countertop.
I wince. “What gave you that idea?”
“Sit down, dumbass.” He jumps off the couch and tosses his book aside.
“I’m already here now,” I argue.
“Do I need to manhandle you?” He crosses his arms over his chest, and I can’t help laughing.
“Now that would be entertaining.”
