“Thank you. So are you.”
He smiles and kisses me. I finish with my makeup and he takes my hand, leading the way to the sanctuary. I take a seat in the front and he makes his way back to find Rachel. I think him walking her down the aisle to her new husband is probably the strangest and sweetest thing on the fucking planet.
My phone buzzes and I see that it’s a text from Paul.
Hot old guy:can you come back to Rachel’s room please? We need your help.
I stand and make my way back to where she was when I left her. I knock on the door, wondering what could possibly be wrong. Is her makeup messed up? Is something wrong with her dress? What could I possibly help with?
“Come in,” I hear a male voice say that isn’t Paul’s. Colin, no doubt. I open the door to see Paul and Colin trying to soothe a clearly panicked Rachel. She’s pacing the room and shaking her hands. I have a feeling she'd be running her fingers through her hair if she could be.
“What’s going on?” I ask, shutting the door behind me.
“Our flower girl is sick,” Colin tells me, and my eyes widen. “She’s got some sort of stomach bug and she can’t make it.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I feel terrible for them but I’m not sure what—
“Will you do it?” Rachel blurts, her brown eyes pleading as she holds her hands up to her mouth as if in prayer. “Please, Charlie?”
My eyes widen further. “Me?”
She nods and takes a step closer to me, gripping my hand. “I’d be honored.”
I don’t know what to say. She really wants me walking down the aisle at her wedding, in front of everyone? “Are you sure? I’m not exactly the traditional choice.” I laugh a little as I feel tears stinging at the corners of my eyes.
“Fuck tradition. You look amazing in that dress and you deserve to show it off. And I don’t care what other people think. What do you say?” She squeezes my hand and I find myself smiling from ear to ear. I nod, and she squeals before giving me a bone crushing hug.
“Okay, we better get out there,” Colin says. He squeezes my shoulder and gives me an appreciative nod before leaving the room. I head out with my flower basket shortly after, and wait for the music to start playing before I make my way down the aisle, tossing petals on the gold runner. It’s obvious some people are confused to see me instead of an eight year old girl, but there are a lot of smiles as well, and damn it, I enjoy myself.
I find my place at the front as the music starts for Rachel and Paul to come down the aisle. Rachel is beaming the entire time and so is Paul. I look over and see tears in Colin’s eyes as he stands with his groomsmen, and my chest starts to ache. I wonder if I will ever have this. Is this in my future? This love, commitment, and trust? This level of devotion? I want it to be, so badly.
My gaze lands on Paul, and I know more than anything that I want all of that with him, and only him. I just wonder if he wants it with me, too. I’ve been dying to tell him how I feel, how I’ve felt since the moment he took me into his home, into his life, but I’ve been so afraid that if I say anything I’ll scare him away. Which is also why I haven’t brought Trey up again. I can’t risk losing him, or pushing him away. I’ve experienced too much rejection in my life, and being rejected by him would be more than I could bear. It’s too soon to tell him that I want us and only us forever, no matter what. That he’s the only person for me, and there could never be anyone else. No one sees me the way he does, understands me the way he does, cares for me the way he does, makes me feel worthy and deserving the way he does. I can’t imagine my life without him. Being with him the past couple of months has given me so much. Not just a home, a safe place to rest my head, food, and a chance to better my future; it’s given me healing. A chance to talk and cry and feel, and things I never gave myself permission to do before, to feel safe not just physically but emotionally as well, knowing he won’t judge me for my tears or heartache or grief, or anger. He’s been my harbor, and I can’t lose that, but I hope that in some way, he’s come to need me too.
ChapterFourteen
PAUL
I can’t get over how devastating Charlie looks tonight. His dress is exquisite and his make up is flawless as always. His smile is radiant. I can’t help myself, I have to have him in my arms. And even though I know I’m not the world’s greatest dancer, I scoot out of my chair where we’re seated at the reception and hold my hand out to him.
There is live music playing, slow and romantic. I want this moment with him. I need it. His gaze meets mine and he smiles, then scoots out of his chair and picks the hem of his dress up off the floor to keep it from dragging. I don’t know what it is about seeing him in a dress that I love so much, but I really do. He holds it in his hand as I take him in my arms.
“Having fun?” I ask him as we sway. He nods, the smile never leaving his face.
“I don’t know when I’ve enjoyed myself more.” We dance for a moment longer, gazing into each other’s eyes, before I speak again.
“You really do look incredible, Charlie,” I tell him, and he blushes beautifully. “I think you might make the bride jealous.”
He chuckles then. “Not possible. Rachel is radiant.”
“Well, thank you,” we hear, and turn to see her standing there. We stop dancing and she gives Charlie a big hug.
“Thank you again for everything today,” she tells him.
“Of course.”
“Do you mind if I cut in?” she asks, and I’m about to take her into my arms as Charlie steps back when she says, “no, not you, I want to dance with Charlie.”
My eyes widen and she laughs. “I won’t hurt him, I promise.”
