My back is aching and my knee is sore. I’m finding it's bothering me more and more lately, and I’m having to ice it and take meds on a daily basis. I hate that I feel so fucking old. And I’ve had to tell Charlie that there’s certain…um, positions, I can’t get into sometimes because of it. Especially if I’ve been doing a lot of kneeling and crouching at work already. I’m always embarrassed, but he never seems to mind, just goes with the flow. He’s good at that, which I appreciate. I get more frustrated with my broken body than he ever does. I’ve fucked him from behind while we’re both on our sides more often than not because kneeling is painful, which also means we’ve had to come up with new and interesting ways for me to blow him. Lately, instead of me kneeling, he’s been on top of me when I take him down my throat, and it works, it’s just not ideal. And honestly I miss kneeling for him. I think he likes the idea of me on my knees, and so do I. I know it’s not my fault and he doesn't blame me for it. We have to work with what we’ve got, and we still get to be close, but I can’t help resenting my own body, and being angry that it won’t do what I want it to so that I can give Charlie all of myself. There’s a huge part of me that still wonders why on earth he wants to be with someone so much older than him, dealing with all of this when he could have anyone he wants. Someone whose body isn’t falling apart. Someone who isn’t sporting gray hair and using ice packs every night. Someone who doesn’t groan every time he stands or use antacids on a daily basis. Someone who can go two rounds in a night like he occasionally wants to.
I hate when I have to turn him down because I can’t get it back up like he can. But he never pressures me. And sometimes I do jerk him off if he’s especially horny and I’m not ready to go again. Honestly, those moments are special too, because I get lost in him completely when I’m not focused at all on my own pleasure, and I get to see the look on his face, hear his whimpers and moans and feel his warm length in my palm. I get to watch him fall apart for me without a single thought for myself, and it’s overwhelming sometimes to know that my touch affects him the way it does, that he craves it the way he does, and that his body responds to me so strongly. Having my full attention on the way he moves and breathes, the way his mouth falls open and sweat clings to his skin, the way his hands grip the sheets, the way he says “Papa Bear,” like no one could ever give him what I do. I find myself overcome by the fact that he wants this from me, that I get to be his lover.
I still haven’t said anything more about Trey to Charlie. I’ve decided not to until after the wedding, just to be safe. I don’t want anything to ruin Rachel and Colin’s day, and if Charlie doesn’t respond well, it just might. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. Maybe I’m just scared out of my fucking mind.
I don’t realize how much I’m in my own head until I hear Carlos saying Charlie’s name, and I turn to see my favorite person walking towards us, hips swaying as he carries a to-go container full of Starbucks cups. I set down my trowel and stand, grunting once again, but can’t hide my smile at the sight of him.
“Charlie!” Aaron shouts, a wide smile on his face.
Another coworker, Melissa, beams as well. She met him at the Halloween party.
“Hi everyone,” Charlie says, giving us all an award-winning smile. He winks at me, causing my cheeks to heat. I step forward and kiss his cheek and we hear the “oohs” and “ahhs” from everyone else.
“Shut up,'' I mumble, then turn back to Charlie. “What are you doing here?” He’s dressed in his white skinny jeans and a black sweatshirt that falls off of his shoulder on one side and has a large rainbow-colored heart on the front. It’s sexy as hell on him. Today his eyeshadow is bright pink and so is his lipgloss. His cheeks are rosy from the blush he applied, and his foundation makes his face appear almost flawless. On his feet are the boots I bought him at Macy’s.
“I just had some time on my hands, and I thought I’d bring you guys some hot chocolate,” he tells me.
“Ooh, yummy.” Melissa reaches for one and Aaron and Carlos follow.
“Thanks, amigo,” Carlos declares. I raise an eyebrow at Charlie.
“You’re trying to get out of doing your GED work, aren’t you?”
He pouts. “It’s giving me a headache.”
I chuckle but take the last cup of steaming hot chocolate and press my lips to his. He grins at me, wiping his lipstick from my lips with his thumb.
“It’s okay to take breaks,” I tell him. “You’ve been working hard, Charlie. Besides, I’m always happy to see you. You don’t need an excuse to come down here.”
He looks around. “This place is amazing.”
I smile. Having someone acknowledge our work always makes me feel good and like all the aches and pains are maybe worth it. “Wanna stay for lunch?”
He beams at me. “Can I?”
“Sure. I was just about to take a break.”
We eat together, and it’s wonderful to share my lunch break with Charlie. I can’t believe that in all the time he’s lived with me we’ve never done this. My coworkers join us and we joke and laugh and it feels absolutely amazing. When it’s time for him to leave, I give him another quick kiss and he waves at everyone.
“So, you and Charlie, huh?” Carlos says, once Charlie is gone.
My anxiety spikes immediately but I try not to show it. “Yeah,” I say, praying I won’t have to deal with any more judgment. I’m really not in the mood, especially not from someone I work with and have to see every day.
“I thought you two might be together at the Halloween party but I wasn’t sure. Glad to have it confirmed.” He claps me on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you happy, man.”
I smile and my body relaxes, the tension leaving me. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
“You guys doing anything for Thanksgiving?”
I blink. “Oh, um, no, I don’t think so.” I hadn’t given it any thought honestly. Last year I was by myself, and honestly, the past several years I haven’t really cared to celebrate. Haven’t really felt like I had much to be thankful for. This year, though, things seem a little brighter, thanks to a certain red-haired, freckle-faced boy that stumbled into my life.
“You guys should come to our place. We always have more than enough food. And Charlie and Diego hit it off the other night. He’s been asking about hanging out with him.”
“That sounds great. I’ll talk with Charlie about it.” I smile and we get back to work.
Turns out Charlie is elated about the idea of Thanksgiving with Carlos’s family, and two weeks later we’re in their home. Salsa music is playing.The house is packed with people. Carlos warned me it would be, so I’m not surprised. They’re all dancing together and I see Charlie’s eyes lighting up like a kid at Christmas.
Food covers the kitchen countertops, but it’s not the typical American food I’m used to seeing and grew up eating—mashed potatoes and stuffing and turkey. This is Spanish food, and it looks amazing! I don’t recognize a lot of it but the churros I do recognize, along with the flan. There’s also something that looks similar to stuffing. Carlos tells me it’s called “pastelon,” and has plantains, onions, and different kinds of ground meat and veggies. There’s Spanish deviled eggs which are to die for, and ham and cheese empanadas and carnitas. And that’s just the stuff right in front of me. God, I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. This will totally be worth the Tums I have to take later. I can’t believe it when Carlos tells me this is just the beginning and the main meal will be in a few hours. He laughs when my eyes bug out of my head.
