He runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck, Charlie, did he have one?”
“Who?” I say, even though I know exactly what he’s talking about.
“Don’t play dumb with me,” he almost shouts, and I flinch. “This is serious, Charlie. Did he have one?” My cheeks flame and I shake my head.
His eyes get wider than I thought possible and he fucking snarls, his nostrils flaring.
“It’s no big deal,” I say, waving him off with a smile. “I’m fine.”
“God damn you, Charlie, what the fuck were you thinking? Why would you do that? I got those for you for a reason. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?”
I narrow my eyes at him because now I’m pissed. “I’m fully aware of the risk, thank you, and I don’t need you parenting me or berating me.”
He sighs, his anger dissipating and an expression of hurt washing over his handsome features. “I’m not trying to berate you,” he says earnestly. “I just care about you and I don’t want you to get sick. I couldn’t…” he glances down and then back up at me, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
I blink at him because how can someone who’s known me for only a few days care for me enough to make sure I’m being safe when it comes to sex? The fact that he’s having this conversation with me means he’s more invested in me than my own parents were. And he’s not making it about the ethics or morals of sex with strangers or sex outside of marriage or anything else but my safety.
I swallow. “They pay more if you let them go bareback,” I say in barely a whisper. I hate telling him this, and my gaze shifts to the floor as I stuff my hands in my pockets and shuffle my foot. The next thing I know he’s taking my chin in his hand and bringing my gaze back to his. I would say he’s forcing me, but he really isn't. I go willingly.
“Please,” he says, as tears fill his eyes, making my breath catch in my throat. “Please don’t do that again. It makes me sick to think of you putting yourself at risk, especially knowing you did it to make money to pay me back. I never wanted that. I will never want that. Please—”
I step forward and wrap my arms around his neck before he says any more. He’s tall enough that I have to stand on my tiptoes. His arms come around me, holding me to him. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m sorry.” Shit, now I’m crying. His arms tighten around me and I breathe in his scent. God, it feels so good to be held, his arms encasing me as I draw on his warmth and comfort.
My breath hitches when I feel his lips brush against the side of my face, and my heart skips a beat.
“Promise me,” he whispers, his warm breath ghosting over my ear, his arms tightening around me even more until I think he might crack my ribs. Let’s face it, there’s not much of me there.
I pull back and peer at him. God, he looks wrecked, and not in the fun way. “I promise,” I say, and I mean it more than I’ve ever meant anything in my entire life. Seeing him like this, the pain he’s in, I can’t cause that again. It’s just hard for me to believe that anything I do could cause him pain. Because that would mean I mean something to him, that my actions and words matter to him. That I matter to him.
My gaze lowers to his lips for the briefest of seconds before I reach up and press a kiss to his cheek. I taste the salt from his tears there and feel his chest heave against mine ever so slightly.
“Was it just this one?” he asks, rubbing my arm with his big, rough hand, and I can’t lie to him, so I shake my head.
He nods, and sniffles. “We need to take you to get tested,” he says matter-of-factly. “Tomorrow.”
I bite my lip. I’m not overly fond of the idea, but he’s right. I’ve been risky and I should get checked out. I don’t have symptoms of any STIs that I’m aware of, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have any. I’ve been with my share of guys in the past several months. Probably half didn’t use a condom, and I was so stoned to try and ignore what was happening to me that I might be off on that number too. “Okay,” I say, and he leans over and presses another kiss to my hair.
“Can we watch something, or…?” I trail off because I wonder if he’s too upset with me to want to be around me right now. He nods, though, and heads into the kitchen to get a snack, and I follow. He grabs an orange while I head for the pantry and grab Pop Tarts. I’m relieved to see him crack a smile when I tear them open and take a huge bite without toasting them. What? They’re better this way, and I’m impatient.
He takes his spot on the couch, lying down like usual. A big part of me wants to join him on the couch and maybe even snuggle up next to him, but I worry that maybe that will be taking things a little too far, so I plop myself down on the chair instead. It doesn’t feel right though. I’m aching to be close to him. Maybe because we just had a really intense conversation and it was kind of…intimate. I don’t want to be separated right now, not even by a coffee table.
Screw it. I get up from the chair, and taking my blanket with me I make my way over to the couch and nudge his leg with my foot. “Scoot over.” His blue eyes meet mine and I can tell he’s a little stunned at first, but then he sits up and makes room for me, a smile on his face as I sit next to him. I’m not quite in his lap but I'm as close as you can get without actually being. I love that he doesn't hesitate to put his arm around me as I curl into his side. He’s only eaten a slice of his orange but it’s left sitting on the plate that he has for it, because of course he has a plate for a fucking orange. Oh, Papa Bear. My heart swells because I know he must be hungry, but he’s using his hand to grip my shoulder instead of peeling his orange, and for some reason it makes me really stinking happy.
“What are we watching?” I ask as he makes his way through Netflix.
He lands onDiehardand I groan. He gapes at me. “You don’t like my man, Bruce?”
I laugh. “Does someone have a crush?”
He shrugs. “I dare you to find a man on this earth who doesn’t have a crush on that man.”
I raise my hand. “Okay, that’s it. Get out,” he says, and I laugh, throwing a pillow at him.
He returns the gesture and then asks, “What do you want to watch?”
I take the remote and start searching. I grin widely when I find what I’m looking for. To my surprise he doesn’t balk like I’m expecting. “No complaints?”
He shrugs.
