Not to say I did either, but I’ve never at all professed to be a lady.
My gaze drifts to the window, the silent murmur of students shifting classes beyond.
Will that feeling this morning last through break? Will I be able to manage all that free time at home? I still haven’t been able to get the courage to check my phone. I still haven’t been able to face whatever awaits me there. Maybe Mom is right. After all, aren’t I acting like a scared child?
I wasn’t scared in his arms.
I didn’t feel like a child there.
My face warms, and my fingers find their way to the braid he did so naturally. Like we’ve done our morning routine together every day since we met.
Since we met a semester ago.
I swallow, and my stomach tightens at the reminder of what weighs on our entire relationship.
The play.
The play is only one break and one semester away.
At the least, Agatha hasn’t been able to antagonize me past cheap shots and sneers. At the least, she hasn’t discovered any part of the truth—about the play or about Lex and me.
As far as I know, she has nothing to work with against me.
Still, I don’t want to rely on feeling safe until this whole thing is over, because if I know Agatha, she always gets her way. The world works in her favor.
Never been kissed.
The thought comes unbidden, breaking up my anxiety concerning Agatha, and launches me into a different set of emotions. After break, we’ll be rehearsing the ending acts. After break, I’ll be kissing Kenneth.
And if I don’t get the courage to go through with opening night?
Agathawill be kissing Kenneth.
Stunned silence fills every cavity in my chest for a painful instant where everything around me is a world away. I can’t feel the hard plastic chair beneath me. I can’t hear the clacking keyboards of other students’ laptops. There’s nothing outside of that harsh realization.
After break, I’ll be kissing Kenneth.
And if I never want to know Agatha has kissed him, I have to perform opening night.
Nothing else could possibly come close to inciting this much resolve.
~*~
Seven missed calls. A dozen clipped texts.
Guilt pours through my veins, tightening in my lungs like acid. I read over the worried messages. Mom went so far as to call my dad. She never calls him. But I guess my being with him was the best case scenario for her to think of. Finding out Iwasn’t sent her spiraling.
I still have no idea how to deal with her.
Or the fact my dad hasn’t thought it important enough to check in with me himself. After learning from her that she doesn’t know where I am, he didn’t call or text. Not even once.
Overbearing and underbearing.
Which hurts more?
“I should take you home tonight.”
My heart thumps, and I jolt upright, whipping my attention behind me. When did Lex get here? We don’t have any mutual classes today. And I’m not in our usual gazebo spot. Not yet. I branched off outside the cafeteria to check my messages and see what I’ll be dealing with once Mom gets home from work and we collide again.
