“Mhm.” Not sounding anywhere near convinced, he continues working his fingers through my hair, and the ease that comes from his nearness and that touch is something I can’t explain.
My eyes flutter closed. What the heck are we?
This isn’t just friends. It definitely isn’t business partners, and yet we aren’t dating either.
He’s too safe, too comfortable. Too right.
Too right for any of my selfishness to feel wrong, at least in the moment.
“Stay up here,” I whisper, and I’m not sure if it’s a request or a plea.
I hear breath leave him. “Do you know what you’re saying, Calypso?”
I do. I do, and only that part—thatknowing—is scary.
“You make the other things quiet.” I don’t know if he understands what I’m saying. I don’t know if I can put it into any more words. To explain that his nearness makes my whole body both calm and excited, leaving no room for thoughts about anything other than the way he feels, sounds, and smells seems a little much for me to admit.
He leaves. His hand moves away, and I open my eyes to find his shadow heading back toward the couch.
Shame and pricks of fear wrap iron maws around my mind.
But then he’s trailing back over to me with his blanket. He climbs onto the bed beside me, and he isn’t the kind of guyto be shy, to perch himself on the edge as chastely distant as he can manage. No. He lies on the comforter right next to me, trapping me beneath it, and throws his blanket over both of us before pulling my body tight against his chest. His lips touch the top of my head, and he combs through my hair with his fingers, plastering it out behind me across the pillows.
My heart hammers, every one of his ministrations consuming every bit of my senses.
“Never been kissed,” he murmurs, the words melding with tired allure. “Yet you’re sleeping with a boy.” Lex tsks. “Can’t help it. I guess sugar gliders have separation anxiety.”
Casual. Like this is completely okay and normal and fine.
And it is, isn’t it? We aren’tdoinganything.
There’s no way this, at least just this, is wrong.
Closing my eyes against another onset of tears, I burrow my face close to his shirt and cling.
My Kenneth who has become my Lex.
I never want to let him go.
Not here. Not now. Not ever.
No matter who tries to take him away, I won’t let them.
No matter what.
Moments like this are mine alone.
I don’t know why I believe that so strongly. Maybe it’s because I know Jason is his only friend and he thinks about relationships in the same exhausting way that I do. Maybe I’m letting my delusions create a false reality.
Maybe it’s just a foolish hope.
Or maybe it’s love.
Lex
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake first, even though I have a feeling that isn’t normal. The mornings that I meet Calypso in the theater room to listen to her play, she always arrives first. And she isn’t driving direct. No. She’s taking the bus.
