It wasn’t a question, and it confirmed my connection to Roderick was known to the king. “The two argued for days over his inclusion. Wilhelm Hollen must care deeply for his son to have held up everything over such a small provision.”
Small? It was the most important condition of the agreement.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Father said. “I only meant Roderick and you could find a way to meet somewhere else. On its face, this is trivial, but it tells the king the importance the chancellor places on his son’s happiness.”
In that way, my father and Roderick’s were cut from the same cloth. “If he knows I’m the one, why isn’t it my choice?”
“Setting aside I’ll never let you sacrifice yourself, the king never recovered from Adelais’s death.”
Judging from how Father spoke of her, she must have been extraordinary. “How does condemning the world make his pain any less? Or lessen how much he’s hurting me?”
“He’s not thinking with his mind—this is his heart taking control. He’s doing this out of love.”
My grandfather and I had once been very close. He nicknamed me his “little firebird.” Then something changed, and he turned into a bitter phoenix. Father was the only one who could reason with him, and his influence was extremely limited. “He’s not doing this out of love for me. If love was truly his motive, he’d listen to the facts. Something changed. Now he speaks like his pride was hurt. First because he wasn’t consulted beforehand, and second when Adelais chose Katarina and the world over him. I will find a way to break his spell, even if he banishes me for my action.”
Father watched me in a way that suggested I’d crossed a line too far. He raised his hand and put it on my leg. “Never say that where he can hear you. The king’s magic is strong, and he’ll use it to bind you. He’s already suspicious of this delegation. He believes Otto is meant to distract him while Bartholomew finds a way to let you and Roderick bond.”
Which meant Roderick and I needed to be extra careful. “Thank you for letting me know.”
“Of course.” He watched me like I was a fledgling phoenix again. “How certain is Bartholomew the new Great Ward can be created without you and Roderick sacrificing yourselves? Because in this, the King and I agree, we don’t want you to die to save the world.”
I’d heard my grandfather rant many times in recent decades about how a phoenix would never sacrifice themselves for the world again. He found humans and other shifters selfish and unworthy of what Adelais did for them. Now that anger blinded him so much he wouldn’t listen to facts.
“He’s wrong,” I said. “We won’t survive if the Ward fails. No one will. The mages and other beings took the brunt of the demon attacks. If they fail, we might not die, but we will wish we had. I’ll not be the pet or plaything of a demon prince.”
“None of us want that, least of all your grandfather.” Father picked up a rose petal and set it on the bench. He collected them whenever he walked in this garden and gave them to Mother. “Which is why I asked what proof does Roderick’s brother have you two won’t die creating the new Ward?”
“What proof does he need?” I struggled not to shout at my father. He was an ally, but only to a point. “The spell to create the Ward is not complicated. What killed Adelais was forcing the demons back to their realm. We’ll only have to die if we don’t do this soon. Once the Ward fails, demons will flood the world. If that happens, we’ll need to use the second part, andthatwill kill us. Why is he trying to kill me? Roderick and Iwillbond, and wewillhelp create the new Great Ward. He can’t stop us. The only question is will Grandfather force me to die to save everyone else.”
Father searched the area because I’d failed to keep my voice down. “He’s doing this because he doesn’t want you to die.”
I might have misjudged my father’s loyalty. Grandfather’s actions weren’t about saving me, not anymore. This was about pride. His pride. “If you think that, then he’s fooled even you. This is about him feeling slighted. The king wants the world to come begging for his help before he lifts his spell. By that point, it will be too late. His stupid pride is going to kill me, and you’re going to help him.”
I stood, but before I could walk away, he grabbed my hand. Snatching it away, I refused to look at him. No one cared if I died, so long as the phoenix achieved the lofty status of the other beings who anchored the Great Ward.
“Cinaed, stop!” Father rushed ahead of me and put his hands on my shoulders to keep me from fleeing.
I considered shifting and letting him chase after me, but eventually I’d have to continue this conversation. “What else is there to say? Do you want me to beg on my knees to lift the spell? I won’t give either of you that satisfaction. We’ll find a way to defeat his spell.”
We stared at each other, and I saw the tears pooling at the edges of his eyes. He’d always been a parent first, even when it conflicted with the king’s will. My accusation struck at the core of who he was, but this wasn’t about his heart. Grandfather had manipulated him into thinking he was acting in my best interest.
“I’m sorry you think I wouldn’t die to protect you.” He swallowed loudly. “I don’t agree with the king’s method, but I know in his heart he thinks he’s protecting you.”
“Father, I know how much you love me, but you’re too close to see the truth.” I took his hands gently from my shoulders and clasped them. “Grandfather’s heart isn’t guided by love for me or anyone else anymore. He’s not the same phoenix who doted on his grandchildren. He’s been poisoned by anger and resentment. Ask Mother, your siblings, or your other children if you doubt me.”
I watched his face hoping for a sign he was listening. “If you can’t see the truth, you will aid in my death. Those aren’t the words of a bitter child. I love you as deeply as you have loved me, and I say that to save you from the self-recrimination you will feel the rest of your life when I’m gone.”
He shut his eyelids tightly, and his skin grew warmer in my grasp. My words challenged two pillars of his life. The choice between loyalty to his father and king, or the love for his child. Sadly, he couldn’t remain true to both, and whichever he rejected would haunt him.
I squeezed gently to prevent him from instinctively shifting. “I’m sorry. After Grandfather rejects the mage delegation’s proposal, I won’t make you choose between which duty you value most.”
“No, you won’t.” When he opened his eyes, there was a clarity he’d lacked before. “My choice was made the day you were born. I’ll do everything I can to save you, but for now, this conversation must stay between us. Not even your mother should know what was said here.”
My nose tingled, and I sniffed loudly. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“Always, my beautiful boy. Always.” He kissed my forehead like he had when I was a boy. “You should regenerate before the delegation arrives. You’re fading. Each time I see you, your fire burns a little dimmer.”
“I’m fine,” I said, but the lie tasted like ashes.
