“Boss, I’m hungry,” Donut whined as he stared at my woman in horror. “She found my snacks last week. Didn’t even leave me a crumb.”
“Mine too.” Braveheart grimaced as my woman bit into a turkey leg.
“Have Juju whip you up something,” I said, my eyes glued to the scene before me.
“Ju said he ain’t cookin anymore,” Thore advised. “Not until she has those babies and acts like a normal person.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle, though it was a nervous sort of laugh. My woman, determined and unstoppable, had now moved on to the bread rolls, stacking them like a small fortress on the edge of her plate.
“Boss, are you just going to sit there and let her do this?” Donut whispered, his voice full of disbelief. “I mean, she took the last of the rolls. The sacred rolls.”
Sacred wasn’t the word I’d use, but I understood the sentiment. They were Juju’s prized creations, baked fresh every morning, fluffy clouds of buttery perfection. And now, one byone, they were disappearing into her grasp like an offering to some ravenous deity.
Braveheart leaned in closer, his voice low. “We need a plan. A distraction. Maybe we can lure her outside with—”
“She’s pregnant,” I interrupted, my tone leaving no room for argument. “She can eat whatever she damn well pleases. Even Juju’s rolls.”
Donut threw his hands up in exasperation. “Boss, this is nuts. I’m tired of eating out. I want Juju’s food. The food he cooks for us. Not her!”
“Yeah,” Braveheart muttered, casting a wary glance across the table. “She ain’t no brother.”
I raised an eyebrow, letting their grumbling wash over me like the distant murmur of a storm. “You all act like you’ve never seen a pregnant woman before. Do you want to be the one to tell her no?”
Braveheart and Donut exchanged a look, their bravado deflating like punctured sails. Braveheart recoiled slightly, shaking his head. “Not me. I value my life.”
Donut sighed, sinking lower into his chair. “She’s mean.”
“She scares me,” Thore muttered.
Hell, I had to admit. She scared me too. And while I was hungry, I wasn’t about to touch a damn thing on the table in fear she’d bite my hand off.
The tension in the room thickened, the aroma of Juju’s heavenly rolls mocking us all. Braveheart shifted uneasily, his fingers drumming the table in a rhythm too quick to be casual. I could almost see him calculating, scheming, as if the rolls were a treasure waiting to be liberated.
“Alright, alright,” he muttered, leaning back with a resigned sigh. “What if—hear me out—we bribe her? Maybe chocolate? Pregnant women like chocolate, right?”
Donut scoffed, his face twisted in disbelief. “You think a single bar of chocolate’s gonna stop her from devouring every roll in sight? You’ve lost yer mind.”
“Better than sittin’ here whinin’,” Braveheart shot back, his voice rising in frustration. “Unless ya got a better idea?”
Thore, usually the quiet one, raised a tentative hand. “What if we just... ask Juju to make more?”
Silence. The absurd simplicity of the idea hung in the air like a fragile soap bubble, daring anyone to pop it.
“That’s ridiculous,” Donut snapped, waving the suggestion away. “We’d still have to wait hours. And she’d probably eat those too.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, my patience wearing thin. “Look, we’re not stagin’ a coup over bread rolls. If she wants ’em, she gets ’em. End of story.”
“This is madness,” Braveheart groaned, burying his face in his hands. “We’re doomed.”
“Boss, we gotta do something,” Donut pleaded, his desperation reaching new heights. “At this rate, she’ll eat everything.”
“We’re all gonna starve to death,” Thore whined, rubbing his stomach.
I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms as I watched the scene unfold. “Donut, Braveheart, Thore. Let me remind you all—she’s pregnant. With triplets. She can eat the pie, the rolls, the turkey, the universe if she wants to. And if Juju has a problem with that, he can take it up with me.”
The table fell silent, save for the sound of rolls being devoured with unwavering gusto as Worm walked in carrying a large pizza. Laying it on the table, he flipped the box open, leaned forward, took a deep breath and smiled. “God, I love a good pizza.”
Reaching for a slice, he folded it in half and took a big bite as we all gaped at him.
