Danny stayed in the kitchen with Nav, saying they needed to talk about club shit and that I should go first. I wasn’t upset. In fact, I didn’t know how I felt.
“Haizley, can I ask you a question?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“How did you feel?”
“About what?”
“When you killed Greg?” I asked as she stiffened.
Dr. Haizley Walker was many things but I would have never pegged her for a killer. She was too calm, too relaxed, too stable enough to do something like that, so it was a shock when I heard her say she killed her intruder.
Not that I blamed her.
I would have done the same thing.
“I’m going to be honest with you, Dante. I struggled with not feeling guilty about what I did,” the woman admitted. “Greg had been hurting women for months. He made it clear what he had planned for me. But more importantly, he made it clear he wouldn’t stop. And he told me he would never leave another witness. In the moment, it was about saving myself. But afterward, when I really thought about what I had done, I realized the countless number of women that would be saved with him gone.”
“So, you had no choice?”
“We always have a choice. Sometimes the choices we are given are not a simple black and white. Right or wrong.”
“I had a choice. I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway.”
“You’re talking about the woman you saw Danny with?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I never liked her, nor any of the women Danny was with. I knew he was bisexual. That he swung both ways, but something about that woman just really rubbed me the wrong way. And when she laughed at me, I lost it. I just killed her. Why did I do that?”
“The mind is a complex muscle. Sometimes you only have a split second to make a decision. It might not always be the right one when we process it later. We all like to think we will always make the right decision when given a choice, especially in the matter of life and death. But until we are faced with the situation in real time, there is no way to know for sure what choice we will make. When Greg broke into my house, I thought I could talk him down. I assumed that years of education and training would be enough to reach him on a human level. I was wrong.”
“But I didn’t even try to talk to her. I just killed her. My rage at seeing Danny crumpled on the floor, his mind in torment, and her insidious laughter snapped something inside me. Before I even knew what I was doing, I shot her.”
“And how do you feel now?”
“I’m still angry at her. At Sinclair for putting her in Danny’s path again. At myself because I let my anger take control.”
“But not at Danny?”
My eyes snapped to hers as I shook my head. “He didn’t know.”
“Danny was in a vulnerable state, yes. It is important you understand that anger is not a bad thing. People often try to make us feel bad for getting angry. But it is a natural emotion, like love,” Dr. Walker said, her voice soft and steady. “It can be a driving force, a motivator, but it can also be destructive. And like love, it can be used to hurt. But it can also be used to protect.”
I looked away, a weight settling in my chest as I thought about Danny.
“I hated her,” I stated. “I still do.” My voice carried a hint of sadness. “And I was angry. At her, at myself, at the world.” I thought back to the night I killed that bitch. My anger had been a wildfire, consuming me, clouding my judgment. But in that moment, I had felt justified, my actions driven by a deep-seated rage that I had only just begun to understand.
“Do you regret it?” I asked, my voice quiet. “Killing Greg, do you regret it?”
Dr. Walker was silent for a moment, as if considering her answer. “No,” she finally said. “I regret I wasn’t as careful as I should have been. But when I think of what he had already done and what he wanted to continue to do. Knowing he came after me because he couldn’t have access to another woman prevents me from regretting the actions I was forced to take.”
“Then maybe,” I began, my voice steady, “maybe I shouldn’t regret what I did either. Maybe it was my protective instinct kicking in.”
Dr. Walker gave me a small smile, one that held both understanding and a hint of sadness. “Protection comes in many forms,” she said. “And sometimes, it’s not always pretty. But it’s important to remember that our actions have consequences, and it’s how we deal with those consequences that define us.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Danny
