Sitting on the couch with Danika in my lap, we both stared at the Christmas tree. The presents I bought her still lay under the tree, unopened. Some Christmas cartoon played low on the television, though neither one of us were interested in watching it. I didn’t even bother starting dinner because I knew neither one of us would eat it. Instead, I figured if we got hungry, I’d just make us some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches instead.
This was supposed to be our first Christmas together as a family, but neither one of us felt like celebrating anything. The merriment I dreamed of, wished for, was gone, and until he returned, I knew both of us would live in some kind of limbo.
It wasn’t a way to live.
I knew that, but I was tired of pretending to be happy when I wasn’t.
Danika’s small fingers clung to my shirt as she nestled closer, seeking warmth and comfort. Her bright eyes, typically filled with joy and curiosity, now looked dull and lost. I could feel her tiny heartbeat against my chest, a rhythm that echoed my own sorrow.
The silence in the room was palpable, broken only by the occasional crackle of the fireplace. I glanced at the photographs on the mantelpiece, memories of happier times that seemed distant and unreachable. Each image was a stark reminder of what we were missing, of the piece of our lives that felt so achingly absent.
We needed him back. His laughter, his strength, his love. He was the glue that held us together and without him, we were fragments of a family, drifting in uncertainty. I kissed Danika’s forehead, a silent promise that we would get through this together, no matter how long it took.
As the hours passed, the glow of the Christmas lights blurred and the room darkened, but hope lingered like a flickering candle in the night. We would not give up. We would wait for him and when he returned, our hearts would find their way back to joy once more.
King
Silver Shadows’ clubhouse, Diamond Creek, Nebraska.
It was late in the afternoon when I pulled the girls aside to give them each one more present. I hauled Tabby up on my lap and Chrissy and Charlie sat on the couch next to me.
I handed each little girl a gift and watched as they opened them.
“A puppy!” Charlie cried. She hugged the soft, stuffed black and white dog to her chest. “Thank you, Papa King.”
I held back my groan at the ridiculous name.
“A kitty! Look, Charlie, our stuffies can be best friends like us,” Chrissy said, throwing her arm around Charlie. “Let’s go.”
The two little girls took off to play with their new toys. They set the stuffed animals on the floor next to them, quickly forgotten.
I wasn’t offended, though.
The truth was, I bought them for the girls because I didn’t want to draw attention to the present I bought for little Tabby. I held the box while she unwrapped it. Inside was a light brown stuffed teddy bear.
Tabby lifted the bear out of the box carefully. She pulled it tight to her chest and then looked up at me with a big smile.
“Sweetheart, I need you to take extra special care of this teddy bear. Can you do that?”
Tabby looked at her bear and then at me.
She nodded.
“This teddy is special, like you. He carries secrets that no one else can know about. Do you think you can keep him safe?”
She looked at me solemnly and I knew that if Ryder ever found out what I had given his little girl, he might actually kill me. I was taking a chance, but no one other than me would ever know what I hid inside the stuffing of this bear, so Tabby wasn’t in any danger.
“You can’t leave him alone, Tabby. He’ll get scared if he isn’t with you. It’s your job to protect him and keep him safe. Like Mama and Daddy keep you safe.”
I was a fucking asshole, manipulating this little girl and playing on her emotions. She was only three fucking years old, but I knew she wouldn’t tell a soul.
Tabby pulled the bear tight against her chest again and nodded, telling me she would guard the furry toy without question. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and kissed my cheek and I felt about two inches tall.
I told myself I didn’t have a choice. The information Sypher trusted me with needed to be hidden somewhere it would never be found. And God forgive me, but I knew not one single person would ever think to look inside a little girl’s stuffed teddy bear.
It was common as fuck for little kids to have a security blanket or toy. No one would think anything of her carrying around the bear everywhere she went. Especially given the trauma that kept her from talking out loud.
She climbed off my lap and ran to her mother, who tried to hold the bear to look at it, but Tabby hugged it tight and shook her head. When her mother picked her up and set the little girl on her lap, Tabby looked over at me and I winked at her. She rewarded me with a proud smile, letting me know she understood how serious our talk was.
