“Forgot to,” Tiiran admitted, and hoped Nikoly could guess the reason why so Tiiran didn’t have to say it. “Was embarrassed to,” he added, smaller, “as I should have been.”
Nikoly was apparently gentle with fools. “You were right to choose that poem for him. He’d like it.”
“You’re the expert on him now?” Tiiran muttered, taking a drink to drown his bitterness.
Nikoly sighed heavily. “Because it’s fromyou, Tiiran. He’s so fond of you. He calls youkitten. You didn’t realize that means he likes you?”
“I’m sure he has a name for all of his partn….” But Tiiran wasn’t a partner. “For the people he is friends with.” Which included Tiiran, but not at all how Tiiran meant it. “And I’m sure he’d be kind if I handed it to him. But I misjudge situations. It’s happened before, so I should’ve known. I know now, anyway, and I wouldn’t embarrass him with it.”
“Tiiran.” Nikoly sighed again, slower and sadder. “So what are you going to do with it? You said you don’t care for poetry.”
Tiiran shrugged. “Put it away as another copy.” Keeping it would be a painful reminder. “It isn’t as if I would read it for fun. That wasn’t the sort of education I received.”
“I could… well, no, Icouldn’tteach you about poetry, but I could discuss it with you if you wanted.” Nikoly looked hopeful when Tiiran raised his head. “It’s not my favorite but I can listen. So could Mattin. And Orin when he returns.” So Orinwasgone. Tiiran kept his questions to himself. Nikoly continued. “He told me he didn’t used to work this close to the capital, but that he was glad to when the need arose because there is something here he wants to return to.”
“When did you have the time to talk?” Tiiran wondered snidely, then gulped and glanced up. He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Nikoly’s gaze was light, his eyes nearly crinkling at the corners with some secret pleasure.
Tiiran stiffened, his spine utterly straight. As if he needed more sleepless nights imagining what the two of them had done together. “Forget I said anything. I’m sorry.” He meant that. “I don’t want to know.” That was a lie. “Orin is always busy. I’m glad he found something worth coming home to.”
Nikoly was practically glowing. “Are you jealous again?”
“I was never…” Tiiran stopped mid-denial, a horrifying flush spreading through his face and neck. He grabbed the cup with both of his shaking hands. “Because it’s so funny. Because I’m forever a joke.”
The smile disappeared from Nikoly’s face. “What? No. Tiiran—”
“Sorry I’m not noble, or experienced, or handsome!” Tiiran shouted, or tried to shout, but a tickle cut off his last word. Instead of a sneeze, it was a cough, first one and then a series of them, leaving him hunched over and gasping.
Nikoly’s hand was warm and steadying at his back, the rest of him close enough for Tiiran to lean against in sudden exhaustion. “Take a sip when you can,” Nikoly instructed in a soothing voice. “That’s it. Then breathe. Another sip please. For me.”
Tiiran sipped and breathed and finally looked up at him, afraid to speak. Partly from fear of the tickle in his throat returning, and partly from wariness over the return of Nikoly’s stern expression.
“That is enough,” Nikoly declared when their eyes met. “This isit. No more, Tiiran. It turns out I do not have Orin’s patience. But I’m not going to ask forgiveness for that.”
Tiiran moved his lips but not a sound emerged.
“Enough.” Nikoly bent down to look Tiiran in the eye from much closer. “You won’t ask for anything for yourself?”
“There’s no one to ask,” Tiiran answered, tired and bewildered. “What does that even mean?”
Nikoly stood up again to frown at him, then the rest of the room. “You take over an office but don’t light a fire for yourself? You don’t even ask anyone for logs?”
“No one has time to fetch any.” That Nikoly had taken the time today was a side issue. “There are no logs in my bedroom either. It’s rarely a concern.”
“Even in winter?” Nikoly spun back to him on the furious question. “The housekeepers are supposed to attend to that. Have they forgotten you?”
Tiiran had no reason to feel guilty. “I suppose so. It been a while since I dealt with them. When there were others in the room with me, probably.”
“How long ago was that?” Nikoly didn’t let him answer. “Do they think your room unoccupied? Tiiran…”
“Don’t tell Orin,” Tiiran heard himself saying. “Please.”
Nikoly grew even more incredulous, and then, suddenly, calculating. “He won’t be pleased. But perhaps you need his disfavor.”
“Nikoly!” Tiiran gasped and then had to drink more tea to keep from coughing. Nikoly didn’t soften.
“In almost all matters, I would take your side over his, Tiiran.” He was so serious. “But in this, I would stand with him. You deserve better. Please let us help you achieve that.”
