“Yes, Orin,” Tiiran echoed doubtfully, as if he hadn’t shivered on the words. “If that’s what your ducklings do.”
“And now, there isthat.” Orin considered Tiiran for another moment, tipping Tiiran’s chin up even higher, until Tiiran nearly went onto his toes. It should have been uncomfortable. Itwasuncomfortable. Yet Tiiran was so warm now he almost forgot about the tangle. “Ducklings?” Orin pressed.
“Yourfriends.” Tiiran swallowed. “Or at least, what the other outguards called your lovers who… do as you say. They said, well, they implied you have others—which of course you do. You have others even here, I’m sure. They called them your ducklings.”
Orin looked briefly contemplative. “How kind of my friends to make it sound as if I collect pretty things on my travels.”
Tiiran suspected his expression was as sour as Niksa’s on a rainy day. “I’m sure you do. You don’t need to pretend you don’t.” They were probably all as pretty as Nikoly and just as eager.
Orin released him, then smiled with just one corner of his mouth when Tiiran didn’t step away. “Ducklingsimplies youth. But I don’t go around taking only lovers who are younger than me. Myfriends,” he said the word as if they were not his friends at all, “call these ‘others’ ducklings because they like to follow.”
“They like to do what you tell them to do,” Tiiran corrected. “I know that much from how you are, and what Nikoly said.” He shook his head quickly, stepping back at last before he was even more foolish. “You like telling people what to do, in this manner at least. It pleases you, even with someone like me who doesn’t understand. Your others are probably much better. You’re very patient with me.” Even Nikoly had seen that, and Nikoly and Orin hadn’t met. Tiiran should be grateful that Orin bothered. He cleared his throat. “I ought to go downstairs and check on things, though I’m sure Po has it all handled. I could bring you some food and tea, if you like.”
“Tiiran.” Orin’s tone more than his use of Tiiran’s proper name stopped him. “There are quite a few ducklings out there in all the territories in the country, but there is only one kitten—and not all of those ducklings are interested in me, although I thank you for the compliment.” Tiiran was blanketed in warmth even while he could hear the affectionate amusement in Orin’s voice. “I am happy to give them what they want, but what I do with them would never be like what I do with you… or what I wouldliketo do with you.”
That was an invitation for Tiiran to ask, if he had more questions, which Orin surely knew he did. Orin seemed to be able to read what was in Tiiran’s mind and in his heart without any trouble, even though Tiiran had looked away so the color of his eyes would be hidden.
If Tiiran asked Orin about the things he did with others, or perhaps even how that made Orin feel, Orin would tell him. If he asked what Orin wanted to do with Tiiran, Orin would answer that too.
“Have I pushed too much?” Orin asked when Tiiran didn’t speak. “You’ve come so far, but I can wait longer.”
Tiiran shoved his hair behind his ears. “Aren’t you tired of always doing these things for… for others? It’s not exhausting for you?”
Orin didn’t answer right away, and when he did, his words were slow. “Admittedly, at times, I’m not interested. Or yes, I’m tired and not capable of giving what is expected of me. But I like being asked, and I like providing—most of the time. Look at me, kitten.”
Tiiran raised his eyes.
Orin’s approval was exactly like sitting in Orin’s lap, held tight in his arms. “For me, it’s beyond pleasurable to give them what they want, to hurt them as they plead for me to, as they cry or beg or finish at my command. Is that what you want to know? Dear Tiiran, you’re the only one to ever ask if I am taken care of.”
Tiiran put his hands to his cheeks. “I know you aretaken care of.” He wanted to shout it. “I’m sure they leap to suck your cock or take you inside. I meant…”
“I know what you meant, and I’m telling you, there’s no need to worry over that too. Tiiran,” Orin spoke the name the way he spoke of poetry, “I have never felt less than cared for with you, even when you’re hissing at me.”
Tiiran stared up, barely blinking, his face so hot he might have been standing in the noon sun.
“Hissing,” Tiiran repeated, unsurprised at the less than flattering description of himself. “I do hiss. And I scratch. I even bite, on occasion.” He touched his tongue to the edge of his tooth. “I’m not like you and I’m not like…. Orin,” he looked up again, only vaguely concerned with what shade his eyes might be, “I think I know a duckling.”
“You have known several if the library tales are true,” Orin returned immediately. He was teasing now, trying to make Tiiran smile. Then something went through his eyes and his smile changed. “You think you know a duckling.” He nodded slowly, thoughtfully, and then he was the one to look away. “A handsome duckling, by any chance? Is he a friend by now?”
He turned back toward Tiiran when Tiiran couldn’t find the right words that weren’t also lies.
“Not like howweare friends,” Tiiran said at last. “He’s kind, although I don’t understand him.” Tiiran never understood anyone, even himself. “You probably would, and like him for the things he says and does. He is straightforward, but I wouldn’t say he was honest. He’s careful, similar to how you are, although you are often speaking of Outguard business and he is… a librarian. A training librarian, really. He hasn’t even been here a year.”
“And has ruffled your feathers?” Orin guessed.
Tiiran wrinkled his nose. “A cat or a bee, I’d still have no feathers!”
Orin raised his hands in a gesture of innocence, but was only momentarily distracted by Tiiran’s outburst. “But you like him and might call him a friend, honest or not?”
“I wouldn’t describe you as honest, either,” Tiiran said bluntly. “Though I trust you.”
“Ah.” Orin briefly closed his eyes. “Thank you for that.”
“I trust you with our books. I could have stopped that practice, you know.” Tiiran raised his head for a moment of confidence, then dropped it to consider the view before him, which happened to be Orin’s chest. “I did dangerous things in front of him,” he confessed quietly. “Library matters. Because I suspected he wouldn’t mind. You wouldn’t mind, either, except for the slight risk to me. I let him see that, but then I…. I’m a bother. I require a great deal of forbearance. I couldn’t even share a room for long when I first got here because the sort of people who become assistants are not used to sharing rooms with the sort of people who clean floors. I didn’t understand them.”
“Tiiran?”
“I’m no good at pretending to be like them, even now. I’m not what either of you think I am.” Tiiran’s forced the quaver from his voice, then brought his head up. “I should get you something to eat since I won’t let you leave.” He paused, hearing himself. “Did you want to leave? You could go wash up, and then if you wanted to return, you could make sure I get a meal by walking me to the kitchens. If that’s not too much.”
