“I can go wherever the wind can,” Melis informedhim distractedly, more concerned with the splintering ice aroundAntero’s heart then how he traveled.
Antero let out another, longer breath. This oneseemed to steady him. “I’m not playing with you,” he said again.“How could I? Even if my desires weren’t here for you to read, I’monly human and you are a god.”
“Alittlegod.” Melis turned away fromAntero’s loveliness and his crown of roses tipped over his foreheadinto his eyes. “A powerful god would be worthy of you. But Isuspect it’s a human you need as a beloved if you want a husband.One who is not indifferent to you and who will develop affectionfor you.”
“What,” Antero said flatly. Melis raised hishead. Antero’s glare knocked him back a step. “First, I am worthyof a legendary figure found by Desire himself, and now, I onlydeserve someone who is ‘not indifferent’ to me? If you will leaveme too, Melis, you don’t need to dress it up or throw some pourhalf-soul my way.”
Melis flailed his arms, which Antero could notsee. “I am giving you what you want!” He growled in frustration. “Icannot pleasure your body the way your past lovers could. I can’teven put my hands to you to soothe the worries I have stirredwithin you. ButthisI can do for you!”
Antero tossed his head, his gaze once againunerringly meeting Melis’. “Will you? And once this mildlyaffectionate husband is here, you’ll be content to watch me withhim? You’ll listen as I continue to desire my true match and try tobe satisfied with some fondness and a warm body in my bed? Will itplease you, my Melis, to watch me give ecstasies to another that Imight have given you? Because I don’t think it will. I don’t thinkyou’ll be able to bear it, because I know I will not. When yourbreath mingled with mine, I felt the brush of our souls where theyfit together. But if you think it best, I will turn from you. Ifyou ask it, I will cease my presumptuous conversations with you andtalk only to my husband. But know before you find this man for methat you are wounding the one you called Faithful. Know that youare also wounding yourself.”
Lightning tore through Melis and stopped hislungs, crushing his heart while his blood boiled. He had not evenleft the room or begun his search and he wanted to howl to theheavens.
“You will have someone by your side for thelength of your life as I cannot be. And…. And I ought to knowlonging,” Melis bit out, fingers curled like claws. Antero wouldhave a better lover and Melis must not touch them to alter theiraffections. He must not think of Antero satisfying another while hestill yearned. Melis would ensure that didn’t happen… somehow. “IfI know this ache, it might temper my actions in the future. Make meless cruel, less foolish.”
“Less cruel than you are right now?” Despite hiswords, Antero looked ready to charge across the room and take Melisinto his arms. “You’ll leave us both unsatisfied?”
Melis could think of no argument. “Clever One, Iam trying to do what everyone says I’m not capable of.” Desirecould be selfless. Surely even Melis could manage that.
“I’m not clever, Melis.” Antero shook his headsadly. “I simply know what you don’t—or are unwilling to know.” Heraised his voice, ensuring his words were heard alongside the truthin his heart that he continued to show Melis without shame, the waymost humans were scared to do even with each other. “Perhaps I haveoffered myself to others so boldly all this time because I wasnever meant for a human. Perhaps I’ve done it all in preparationfor this, and have only realized it tonight. The others weren’tweak, Melis, they just weren’t you.”
“Faithful, you named me.” Antero went on overMelis’ gasp. “I wait, and I give, and I offer, but you do not take.You’ll marry me off to someone who starts no fires in my heart. Youmustbe a little god, as mean-spirited as everyone says, asunwilling to make yourself as vulnerable as those you gift andtorment. I humble myself before you, but you can’t even risk atouch? Then you are right; you are not the other half of my souland love is not meant to be yours.”
He was magnificent, a human king bathed insilver, breathing hard while his desires spilled out into the darkaround them. He could have scorned any god and they all would haveshuddered before him.
Melis was no exception. He took a step, thenstopped himself so forcefully that his roses slipped farther intohis eyes. He licked his lips but his tongue and mouth were dry.
“But I could not marry you.” He was nearlybegging to know why he could not. “Even disguised as a human, Icould not stay at your side as some sort of consort. And I have nopalace to bring you to. You longed for a friend and companion aswell as a lover. For love. I don’t know how to do that. I don’teven know how to kiss.”
Antero stared at where Melis should be forseveral moments, a hopeful glow pushing out his dark, frozen fear.“Are those your only objections? Should I even call them that? Yourdoubts, perhaps? Ah, nowIam the silly one. You’ve beentelling me you’re inexperienced, that you aren’t used to beingwanted. I should have listened better. Forgive me.”
Melis was already shaking his head. “You’ve donenothing wrong.”
“But I have. You have been more forthcoming thanyou might even realize, telling me you don’t know what to do,asking what’s happening to you.” Antero sighed and studied the airaround Melis again before glancing at the bed. “Maybe I am meant toshow you love, even just for my lifetime. Maybe that is what mylife is for.” Moonlight haloed the bed, telling Melis whose sidethe moon was on. Antero put a hand to his chest over his heart.“Maybe Love is meant to be part of your realm too, Sweet Melis, andmy fate is to love you so you might help others.”
Melis still didn’t understand what about himshould be worthy of that, but the wise king before him did, andperhaps also Mother, who had arranged this. He took another stepforward, absently pushing roses from his eyes. “For that, you askfor my heart, mind, and body? You ask for all of me?”
Antero’s smile was warming. “All I require,Melis, is knowing you are near, if not every day, then enough thatI don’t miss you too much.” He glanced at the bed again beforesitting on the edge of the soft mattress and looking back over toMelis. “I would like to lie with you, in sleep or otherwise, and indoing so, give you a place where you can rest. A home, even if it’sonly a human palace, even if it’s only for the nights. I wish tomake you happy—to know that I’ve made you happy. I would be morethan content with that.”
Less happiness than he deserved, but morehappiness than he would find with another.
“You make no demands of me?” Melis wondered,genuinely confused.
Antero raised his eyebrows. “Didn’t I just saythem?”
“No.” Still lost, Melis gestured his frustrationthough Antero couldn’t see him. “You listedmydesires.”
Antero’s eyebrows went even higher. “Melis,beloved husband, you don’t know what you tell me when you speakso.”
Melis bumped into the bed, clumsy withbeloved husbandringing in his ears. His crown once againtipped forward into his face, blocking his view of Antero, so heyanked it off and tossed it to the side.
“You haven’t even seen me,” he argued, hisweight sinking the mattress and his palms sliding over bedsheets,making his progress vexingly slow.
“Does one have to see a husband to know him?”Antero returned, sitting back against the head of the bed to watchthe mattress dip as Melis crawled to him.
“Clever,” Melis muttered, his tone admiring.“Wise and beautiful. Upright and compassionate. Are you certain Iam your equal? I have nothing for you.”
“‘Have nothing for me,’” Antero said back to himin low, aching voice. “I did not ask for a hero or a god atop amountain. I asked for a beloved.”
