He removed his robes and outer shirt to quickly splash himself with cold water from a basin, then dressed again, smoothing out the fabric as best as he could. The end of winter festivities involved gift-giving, and he had been gifted a vial of violet water, which he dabbed at his throat. His heart would not slow.
He had told Lan that he didn’t expect anything. That it was all right if Lan only wanted Fen near for advice, or for that and what was done in bed.
That, he realized now, was a lie, although he would accept whatever Lan said.
If Lan’s family told him how useless Fen had been here while experiencing peace, Lan might change his mind. He might look at Fen’s red nose and longer hair and not want him. He might decide that Fen was not worth the Acana territory, or any other territory.
But maybe he would listen to Fen. Fen might still be useful.
Fen forced himself from the room, only to get part of the way down the stairs and dart back up to retrieve a folded bolt of blue cloth from the room’s one chair. He held it tightly to his chest as he went back down the staircase to the great hall.
The sound of crying stopped him at the foot of the stairs.
The one sobbing was Heni. “Oh, my babies!”
Fen peered around the corner into the hall to see Heni in traveling clothes soaked with mud and rain, her arms full of her children. She was crying but stopped to lean over and kiss Maril so hungrily that Fen ducked around the corner again to grant them some privacy.
The others did nothing of the kind. Tellan was firing questions at her, which Lan finally answered, weariness evident in his voice.
“We didn’t mean to arrive so late. It’s been a hard road, Tell. We wanted to get here. It’s all we thought of.”
“I’m not mad.” Oh, Tellan was crying too. “Idiot.”
Fen had never heard her call Lan that before. Maybe when they were alone, it was more common. He peeked out to spy on them again, the breath leaving him at the sight of Lan squeezing his twin in a fierce hug. Lan looked to be as filthy as Heni. His cloak hood had been pushed back, revealing muddied hair and a beard longer than he normally wore it. He was paler than he had been, but the winter had been endless, and it was difficult to tell with his many layers of clothes and armor, but Fen suspected he had been eating last again.
“I will take that quick bath and food you mentioned,” Lan told his sister in a fond, though tired voice, and kissed the top of her head before she nodded and hurried off to see to the preparations that their mother had started.
Laiya was nearby, spots of mud on her clothing to indicate she had already embraced Lan and very likely Heni as well. She was wiping tears from her eyes but smiling slightly.
Lan turned to her and they exchanged a glance that made Laiya’s mouth twitch into a full smile.
Lan, however, frowned. “And I ask again—where is he?”
“You mean your flower?” Laiya asked. Race must enjoy it when she smiled like that, like someone who knew when it was all right to tease Lan.
“Has he been well?” Lan took a deep breath. “I had no way to send word. He’s here? He hasn’t left?”
“You idiot,” Tellan burst out, insulting her twin again as she came back into the room. “Poor Fen has been fretting this whole time and you ask that?”
Fen looked down at the bundle in one arm without seeing it.
“Worrying over details in thread while staring out of windows and sighing.” Laiya revealed that calmly, her gaze intent on Lan. “You’re late.”
“Complications,” Lan said shortly, biting out the word. “Then the weather. Then I stopped to escort his mother back to her people. I thought he’d like that. Then the weather again. I…fuck. Where is he?”
Fen skipped the last step and tripped around the corner. Lan immediately turned, his shoulders easing down when he saw Fen. He didn’t speak as Fen made his journey across the hall, but he did make a soft sound when Fen stopped in front of him and couldn’t raise his head.
Fen ran a hand over his hair, perhaps too long, and then down his sleeve and the cornflowers on the cuff. His gloves left the tips of his fingers bare. He’d wound Laiya’s scarf back around his throat and it nearly hid his mouth. His cheeks were probably flooded with color. He sniffled, then bit his bottom lip before looking up.
That sound escaped Lan again.
“It was like this the first time too,” Heni remarked to someone.
“Flower,” Lan greeted him, gaze dark.
A shiver went through Fen. “Have you come for me?”
He should have waited to ask, but the question was already out so Fen didn’t take it back.
