The edge in Lan’s voice was unfamiliar. “What are you talking about?”
“If you want to keep me with you for pleasure, or for knowledge of various family histories, or both, I accept that,” Fen explained. “You haven’t deceived me in any way, except not telling me all of your plans, and I understand why you didn’t.” But he dropped his hand to his lap. “You don’t like to hear it, but it does you credit that you didn’t want me to have to support your plots against The Acana. You might have asked me for a map of the holding, or about its weaknesses, or a thousand other things that might help you. But you didn’t want to put me in that position. Thatisdeception as some consider it, but then, you also weren’t planning on me approaching you as I did last night.”
“Fen.”
Fen carried on over the whisper. “All I asked of you was the istin. Well, and… more than that, this morning. You can be rid of me. I chose this. That’s what you said I could do here—choose. And I did. And I’m the Flower. Why elsewouldyou keep me? Anyone can sew or learn to help Ati, and Heni can give you as much advice on the nobles as I can.”
“Fenwit,” Lan growled through gritted teeth.
A cry went out, a shout as a dog with a yellow flag at its collar tore into camp. Once it reached the space between the tents, it darted back and forth until someone caught it.
Lan was on his feet before the dog was stopped, taking Fen with him for a few steps before setting him down to give him an unreadable look. “Stay,” he continued to growl, although Fen had only taken one step back to get out of the way. Fen raised his head, bringing his gaze up slower than he possibly should have.
“No,” Lan said, as though Fen had argued. “Stay,” he ordered again, his teeth bared, then went to join the others.
Seventeen
The flag meant people had been spotted in the woods. From the reaction of the others, this did not mean a party of hunters or anything similar. Lan kept scouts far enough out to give him time to act, so these strangers would not accidentally stumble into the camp. Nonetheless, their presence this far into the forest was reason enough to worry.
A handful of people in the camp began to ready themselves for travel immediately, while the rest were told to continue preparing to leave, but slowly. Race volunteering to go and reaching for his armor was not a terrible surprise. But seeing Heni do the same while Maril fussed over her brought Fen away from the quickly made camp bread he’d been bundling up for Race and whoever else went with him. He crossed the clearing and entered Lan’s tent without announcing himself.
Lan was in his armor already, a sword at his belt, his travel pack hanging from one hand.
“The Wild Dog doesn’t need to go,” Fen said, out of breath.
Lan undoubtedly knew that. He studied Fen for several beats before answering. “I want to think.”
Fen crossed his arms over his chest and the uncomfortable feeling inside it. He should have expected that answer. He understood it, but didn’t like it, so he left it unacknowledged.
The laundry was still drying. The bed was quite naked, Fen’s bed on the ground not much better. “Should we take down this tent as well, or wait for your return?” Lan might not return. That occurred to Fen consciously only now, although it was clearly behind the urgency that had driven him here. “I can sleep by one of the fires.”
“You will sleep here.” Lan pronounced each word sharply, then closed his eyes. When he reopened them, his expression was impassive and his voice was even. “If you want to, you will,” he amended.
“An Earl when it comes to where I sleep?” Fen asked curiously. “But not to save yourself this?”
“I’m not going to tell you not to worry.” One of Lan’s eyebrows briefly twitched up as though that had been a question and he was waiting on an answer. “Or wonder if you still think of me warmly.” He raised his head. “Listen to Tellan and Dol. If there is danger, stay with them. They’ll be with the children but they can both protect you. Don’t underestimate Ati either. I don’t…” Lan didn’t seem to know what else to say. He scowled at the bare bed. “There’s no disguising you, not for long. If something does happen and people recognize Fenwit, once of the Acana, then say you are a captive. I’m already a villain to them so what is one more story? At least you’ll be alive.”
Fen stared at the side of Lan’s face though it told him nothing.
“Are you plotting now?” Lan asked without turning to him.
“You said no one was struck for speaking here.” Fen clenched and unclenched his hands. “No,” he dared. It was harder to say outside of moments of passion, which he hadn’t expected. “No,” he said again, louder. “I won’t say I’m still your captive and make you the villain. The Wild Dog is the Flower’s hero and I will make it known even if they take me or you send me away.”
Lan’s eyes met his.
“Is that what you intend?” Fen asked, voice faint. It made sense. Fen was no warrior and barely suited to this cold. He didn’t have callused hands and had no skills to aid anyone facing fierce winter battles. “Oh.” He didn’t know why he said it, only that Lan wasn’t speaking. He dropped his head. “You want to send me away.”
“I want to tie you to me and keep you near me, maybe always.” Lan said it, stopped dead, then pushed out a breath. “Which is… insane. Cruel. I don’t have the word for what it is.” Fen raised his head. Lan found his gaze and held it. His voice was rough. “I want it so I can make sure you’re doing something that pleases you, and so I can keep you from harm or from plucking some new hidden desire from my mind and plotting to make it happen, and for what we might do, bound together like that in and out of bed.” He made a noise in his throat but kept talking. “And so that I can leave and not have to address this… worry.Andso I can look on you whenever I please. But that is not how things work, not how they should. It’s not what you deserve.” He was angry. “That is a greed that I must have gotten from my father, I don’t know where else. I might not have ever known it until you came to me.”
“You knew it. You wanted the whole realm to speak your name,” Fen corrected softly. His heart was pounding.
“An impossible goal, or so it seemed.” Lan briefly closed his eyes. “To ensure you were safe, I would send you away, yes. The children too, and eventually Tellan, and anyone else who has found their way into this camp but has no place near a battlefield.”
“Not Heni?” It was a small question, already insignificant. Heni would not be as easily removed as Tellan or the children. “She is useful. Yet so is Tellan who keeps people fed.”
“And so are you. But though the fight with The Acanawasabout strategy, it’s more than that now. It will be uglier than it might have been, meaner. He won’t—can’t—give any quarter once you’re involved, and so neither will I. You shouldn’t be anywhere near it.” Lan’s voice regained some smoothness at last. “You should know peace and a calm home even if only for a short while. And you wouldn’t be useless away from me. I need The Maben’s territory to be run well, to be fertile and productive and strong.”
Tellan could take care of that, Fen had no doubt. Nonetheless, he inclined his head. “You may send me.”
