“Do you know whatyou’recapable of?” Lan returned. “Is that what you want the land to be? The endless hunting of nobles who disobey me?”
Fen put his head down to consider that. “I think people should build again. They used to build, didn’t they? And trade without fear. The holdings fall into disrepair because all are focused on war or defense from war. They used to have more festivals. The roads and the river meant travel, not all of this. Songs are not always truthful, but there are so many songs of different times. I would like to hear more of those but aboutthistime, songs that will say it wasn’t all swords and blood.” He swept his hair back before he met Lan’s gaze again. “But I am here to advise you and I thought you should know all the options I can think of.”
Lan tossed his head. “Destruction has always been an option. Nobles have been doing that. You have no proof that I would be a better source of… of justice.”
Lan had been gathering information for a battle plan that afternoon. Fen stared at him, waiting without understanding. “Your existing plans must be in line with something of what I’ve said. But maybe, you hoped for survival and then to return to your territory? A land you already told me was too small to hold you.”
“I have no right,” Lan insisted. “No more than any Earl.”
“Should I be silent?” Fen pulled his hands into his lap so he could curl his fingers around the rope at his wrist.
In the quiet after that, Lan watched him. “Didthey lead you to me?” he murmured, then took a breath. “Go on.”
Fen held tighter to the rope. “I’m certain using the Earls for judgments and protection was the best option once too. And someday there will be something else, maybe something better. But it’snowI think of. Justice is good, and so is shaming some of the nobles. And I will keep you alive if I can.”
The Acana would have cuffed him for that. Lan might only send him away, but that felt far worse.
“Cub,” Lan was strained, “The Acana didn’t know what he had in his holding or he would not have traded you for the vague promise of assistance.” He might have been shocked, but his mouth twitched at one corner as if he also wanted to smile. “Some flower.”
“There are flowers used for poisons, the same ones often used for medicines,” Fen informed him, because he hadn’t known that before either. “Ati has been teaching me.”
“That there are,” Lan agreed, distracted and faint. He went to the door to ensure it was closed, leaving them in dimmer light although the glow of the fires was visible through the tent walls. He stayed turned toward the door and clenched his hands at his sides. “We thought to keep fighting them until they were gone or we were. A horrible, short, hard life with no real prizes or pleasure, and yet people come here. They keep coming here.” He opened one hand and held it out toward Fen before looking at him. “I’m not much more than a boy angry with his father and yet they come.”
“For you,” Fen reminded him gently. “You think I’m the only one?”
“You are different,” Lan said around a heavy breath. “And you still don’t know enough of the world outside that holding or you would see that.”
“You’re worried for me?” Fen asked with surprise. “I would fight for you just for that… although I suppose I would die quickly.”
“You will not be fighting,” Lan ordered before facing Fen directly. “If I can do anything, it will be keeping you from that, although violencewilltouch you if you stay here.”
“The field of battle is not my place,” Fen agreed, but thought of his favored siblings in their armor facing Lan and Race and Heni and the others and turned his head. “You’re right. I know nothing of that.”
“You’ll soon learn enough of it.” Lan tugged his shirt over his head, tossed it to the chair, then walked to the head of his bed before he looked back at Fen. “And then what will you think of, cub? What plan will you weave that will use your cunning and noble speech and me with my sword to take the North and then the South and outward until we reach every coast? Will all the known places be enough for you?”
“I didn’t think that far,” Fen admitted, his throat sticky when he swallowed, his mouth dry again.
Lan reached up, pulling the knot in his hair free. “Then think of it now.”
As though Fen could think of anything else but how Lan looked in that moment.
He had to tear his gaze away to try. “You… you would need cooperation to govern such vast territory. You’dhaveto have it. But if the nobles want what you offer, peace or justice, they will also have to consent to it. Give them the chance to focus on harvests again, on finding and studying the ruins, and traveling without finding countless burned holdings and grief. I’ll have to consider it more, but, Lan…”
“But what?” Lan asked, watching Fen again in that way of his, as though he didn’t know what he should do with Fen, but knew what he wanted to do.
“Have you already considered all of this?” Fen worried over it. “Should I not have said it?”
Lan took time to answer. “I asked you to speak, did I not?”
“Heni and the others will be angry with me.” Fen continued to worry. “They want me to ease your mind.”
The assessing look sharpened.
Fen had a feeling his trembling had been noticed. “In your bed,” he added, although Lan had surely understood his meaning.
“Are they pressuring you to be here?” The softness in Lan’s voice made Fen concerned for the others. He shook his head without hesitation.
“No. But I believe they think you need rest and relief and… release.” The fires outside had nothing to what was beneath Fen’s skin. “And I am here, and I admire you, so why wouldn’t they hint at it? They want to help you. As do I, although I won’t have you be embarrassed.”
