“I’ll be careful,” G.G. promised, and brought his eyes up so that Trevor was caught staring at him and thinking of G.G. touching himself on command.IfG.G. was going to do that; G.G. was keeping his guard up, and Trevor couldn’t even really say that he’d commanded anything.
But he dropped his shoulders and smiled again. “Good. You should get a treat.”
G.G. stared at him, not exactly frowning, before saying seriously, “So should you.”
Taken aback, Trevor had no real answer ready. “I do. I treat myself all the time.”
“Hmm.” G.G. studied Trevor for a moment longer, then got to his feet. “There are people in your position who can be selfish. But you’re not one of them. I wonder if you know that you’re supposed to care for yourself too.”
There was a weight on Trevor’s chest when he tried to breathe in. He forced it to happen anyway, then gave G.G. a wonky smile. “My grandmother says everyone needs a rest.”
“If my hand were better, I would treat you.” G.G. looked directly at him, then dropped his gaze. “If you wanted me to.”
Trevor had to wet his lips. “I think knowing you’ll be careful tonight when you use your hand is enough for now.”
He could just see G.G.’s mouth quirk at one corner. “Yes, Trevor.”
“And I’ll be resting,” Trevor reminded him with more calm than he felt to hear that. “Date with my grandma, remember? We’re going to watch some TV series Sky got for her.”
That brought G.G.’s head up. “They talk?”
“Yeah.” Since that probably required more explanation, Trevor gestured loosely. “Sky and I… he’s been part of my life for years. We were together until his job required a move. Now we’re friends, best friends. With kinky benefits.” Trevor tried another smile but knew it came out wrong. “He’s… several states away. So he and my grandma exchange emails. She is… the coolest person in my family. She’s never once misgendered him or asked an inappropriate question.”
G.G. blinked at receiving that information. Trevor tensed, his head pounding with renewed strength. He’d forgotten G.G. didn’t already know Sky. He clenched his jaw, prepared to say something harsh before walking out the door. Then G.G. tipped his chin up to meet Trevor’s eyes and continued to stare at Trevor with a gaze that made Trevor’s throat tighten all over again.
“That’s a nice family you’ve made yourself,” G.G. told him, understanding and soft.
All the air left Trevor’s lungs, taking a lot of his tension with it. Then he gave a start.
“A family?” he echoed with a touch of amazement. He had a family, but then he also had his other family who had been with him throughout lockdown and everything else. Sky, and his grandma, and a lazy cat, and Ellie.
He wondered if his grandma thought of them that way. If Sky did.
“I don’t thinkImade it,” he said, focusing back on G.G. “Just circumstance.”
G.G. raised his eyebrows but didn’t comment.
Trevor needed… Trevor didn’t know what he needed. To kiss G.G. and apologize for freaking out at being told he’d made himself a family, even if G.G. couldn’t see him freaking out about it. To step outside into the rain and close his eyes. To go home and sit with his grandma and get high and not think for a while.
He kind of wished then that he could let go like Sky, or like G.G., who seemed towantto let go in a way Sky didn’t. G.G. should get to do that soon. As soon as they’d talked and Trevor could arrange it, he was going to do his best to allow G.G. to let go, and rest, and feel nothing but good things.
But not tonight. He was tired, and G.G. got that.
“I want to kiss you,” Trevor told him, then sighed. “But I won’t.” G.G. blinked several times. “Not yet. Not until….” Trevor waved to indicate the passage of time, and rest, and discussions that needed to be had.
G.G.’s mouth curled up at one corner again. The urge to kiss him only grew, so Trevor stepped toward the kitchen door, and then made himself keep going until he was at the entranceway, and then on the porch. G.G. followed him, bright-eyed and concerned.
“We’ll talk soon,” Trevor promised, thinking he should have had some of the pills G.G. had offered. “Tomorrow, probably. Grandma keeps promising lasagna for you, which means me learning about making pasta. So. Now you’ve been warned.”
“You’ve been helping make all of my food?” G.G. leaned against the doorjamb and watched Trevor like Trevor picking up his umbrella was of crucial importance.
“Yeah.” Trevor shrugged. “But only to a degree. I’m still learning.”
“Another thing to mastermind,” G.G. remarked, then straightened his shoulders before Trevor could argue. “Trevor, thank you.” There he went, making Trevor’s body react and Trevor’s brain short-circuit. “When my hand is better, tell me what you want and I’ll make it for you. Please.”
“Of course,” Trevor said immediately in response to that word.
G.G. shook his head, almost exasperated. “You say it like that. Easily. My people aren’t about gestures like this. No one I’ve known has ever….”
