Zelli opened his eyes but kept his gaze away from anyone else in the room. “Do you know, Tahlen, I have feelings about you?Foryou?” He might not be looking at them, but Zelli had no doubt everyone else in the room was listening. He had nothing to say they didn’t already know.Hewas the one who hadn’t realized. “Everyone seems to know my feelings, except me. Grandmother, Mayor Sar, Kat Ryssa,” he growled that final name. “I didn’twantto know what those feelings were, because… you saw them but you didn’t want them. That’s what I thought.” For a moment, he couldn’t breathe because Tahlen’s hold was crushing. Then Tahlen exhaled and Zelli had air again. “And because I was leaving, so the feelings wouldn’t matter in the end. But they are still here even though I ignored them, and I think they are love. I think they’re what I feel because I love you, and I can pretend they aren’t there, but I’ve never learned to hide them. That’s why everyone smirks at me, or is rude to me, or smiles behind their hands when I look at you—because I love you. I love you so greatly that it’s all I thought about when I was lying there.”
Tahlen’s voice was hoarse. “Zelli.”
“I’m sorry if that bothers you,” Zelli sighed, “or is unwanted now that I’ve hurt you like this.”
“Suppose we ought to be getting to bed, whoever’s bed that may be,” Let announced loudly. Several of the others politely muttered their agreement yet Zelli heard no footsteps taking anyone away.
“So much that my family in the capital would think this shames me now,” Zelli continued, squirming with some traces of shame despite his words. “But Zelli of the Tialttyrin loves Tahlen of the Vallithi, and when you leave me, you should know that. Everyone who doesn’t already know that will hear of it, I suspect. I can give you that, for hurting you, and to… to make you feel as warmed as you do in the sun.”
“Ah, if you don’t mind, Tahlen,” Zelli continued when Tahlen’s only answer was to pull him closer, “this position hurts a little. My chest…” Tahlen’s hold loosened before Zelli could finish. Tahlen held his breath. Zelli shifted a bit, glancing up to Tahlen’s clenched jaw. “One would think, if my fae relatives were going to heal me, they’d heal me completely. But I wonder if I am meant to feel it as a reminder. Perhaps they are as angry with me as you are. Which would mean they care, as you and Grandmother do. Isn’t that strange? To care from a distance? In secret?” Zelli frowned. “But some have reasons to do so, don’t they?”
He lifted his hand to cup that tense jawline and turn Tahlen’s face toward him.
Rose-pink bloomed in Zelli’s hand, spreading from his fingertips to his wrist before fading. It warmed, deepening the shade, when Zelli kept his hand there. Someone behind them swore. Zelli only smiled in relief to know the colors hadn’t gone away.
“Thank you,” he told his perhaps-watching relatives as well as Tahlen. “It didn’t appear for Grandmother,” he informed Tahlen. “I’ll have to try again during one of my problems, when I am more fae than I am now. That’s when it must happen, except for with you even though you’re not fae. I think it was a gift from them to show me I could trust this with you. Your jaw is a bit rough,” Zelli observed, able to take a deep breath again when Tahlen’s gaze began to warm. “You shaved in a hurry? That’s not like you, my Tahlen—um.”
Zelli sat up as much as his current position would allow. “That is, uh, something that people say to those they care about, isn’t it? My parent said it to me—not that one. My other one,” he filled in to banish Tahlen’s momentary frown. “Maybe they were trying to show me that. Maybe they should have before, so I would have known to do this sooner.”
“Zelli, please.”
“Too much?” Zelli inquired curiously, stroking Tahlen’s mouth. “Why don’t you eat some more? And pet your cat, who missed you while I took you away.”
“I chose to accompany you,” Tahlen insisted, devastation creeping back into his expression.
Zelli couldn’t have that. “You chose,” he agreed. “And you were more helpful than I could have imagined.”
Tahlen pulled in a shaky breath, then tossed his head as if to deny Zelli’s words.
Despite the motion, no braid moved behind him.
Zelli jerked up, wriggling both arms free so he could turn Tahlen’s head and reach for what wasn’t there. The ends of Tahlen’s hair were damp to the touch, freshly washed and trimmed close to his head into something messier than the usual guard’s haircut, as though it had been done in a hurry or without much of Tahlen’s cooperation.
“Tahlen!” Zelli peered anxiously into Tahlen’s eyes when Tahlen turned back to him. “Tahlen, your hair! Who did this to you?” None of what hair remained was long enough for even the smallest braid. “Was it the Villucatto?” Zelli bit his lip to bruise it. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
Tahlen shook his head almost gently but said, firm and final, “Wearegetting you armor that fits you. And you will wear it even when just attending judgments or touring the valley.”
That had nothing to do with Tahlen’s hair being gone.
“You will worry over me and I accept that,” Zelli conceded. “But we are speaking of who hurt you.”
“Zelli,” Tahlen said, not giving an inch.
“Yes, Tahlen.” Zelli agreed to the armor, although he had already done so. “But your hair.” No other guard wore their hair as Tahlen had, not that anyone would stop them if they tried. Long hair was inconvenient, as Zelli could attest. The sort of thing a beat-of-four did because they could. That braid was Vallithi. Tahlen had been proud to wear it.
“Tea with milk and honey, if you will not eat,” Esrin said gruffly, holding a sturdy cup in front of Zelli until Zelli took it.
“Thank you.” Zelli glanced up to her, though she was already turning away, her long hair in a neat weave that made him immediately turn back to Tahlen. Actions, with the Vallithi siblings, he realized absently. Actions more than words or even whatever they chose to show.
“I don’t understand,” Zelli worried between sips of the tea Tahlen nudged toward his mouth. “Was it the mud? But why cut it off, and so carelessly?”
Tahlen released a long breath.
“He asked them to save you,” Bree said softly, staring into the distance when Zelli looked to her.
"Cut it off then and there,” Fy joined in using the same awed tone. “Laid it down and then it was gone when I blinked. I’ve never seen that for myself, the fae taking something. To think they value hair…”
“It’s not the hair,” Zelli interrupted, turning once again to Tahlen and Tahlen’s defiant glare. “It’s the emotion behind the offering. Well… sometimes it’s the offering.”
