“I admire you as well,” Zelli revealed, though Tahlen should know that already. Some of the pressure in Zelli’s chest eased, so he took a breath. He inched that much closer. Tahlen glanced between them, startled. Zelli managed another breath. “Would you… do you think, even with everything, that you might allow me to court you?”
He could take full breaths again, almost dizzy with it. His heart had not slowed but at least the rest of his chest held only air and light.
“I don’t know what gifts I could give you,” Zelli went on nervously, because Tahlen hadn’t said a word and he was much better at hiding what he felt than Zelli was.
Of course, he was, Zelli realized, letting his shoulders droop. Other than his name, Esrin, Starfall, and a few bits of armor, Tahlen only had whatever he held in his heart. He would not risk losing that by letting it show or speaking of it.
Except to Zelli, once he’d realized Zelli didn’t understand and he hadn’t wanted Zelli to be distressed.
“Please,” Zelli heard himself plead. He didn’t want Tahlen to be distressed either, and didn’t know what else to do. “I won’t know what I’m doing, but I’d like to keep you, Tahlen. If I can. If you like. Even if I have to also find someone else and can’t give you all that you want.”
The knock on the door to his bedroom made him jump then duck behind Tahlen when Tahlen turned to face it. Tahlen put his arm back to keep Zelli at his back, although the door stayed shut.
“Zelli?” someone called tentatively. Carr, Zelli thought it was. “Sorry to bother you. But we can’t locate Tahlen and The Tialttyrin….” Carr gave a polite cough. “She suggested we try here.”
Tahlen raised his voice to be heard. “What is it?”
The door cracked open, although Carr did not poke his head inside. Zelli stayed hidden behind Tahlen all the same.
“A party has arrived at the lower gate.” Carr was abruptly deathly serious. “From the Villucatto, apparently. They sent a message to The Tialttyrin and await her reply. She waits on you.”
Zelli’s mouth twisted, although naturally, Grandmother would want Tahlen with her more than Zelli.
“I’ll be out in a moment,” Tahlen replied and Carr tactfully shut the door to wait.
At first, Tahlen did not move or even speak. Then he turned all at once without giving Zelli a chance to step away or reach for his blanket.
Zelli was going to take Tahlen’s silence as a refusal, but it seemed something Tahlen would do, and there were other, more important things happening now than just the frantic beat of Zelli’s heart, so Zelli stood straight and did his best to withstand Tahlen’s study.
“Zelli,” Tahlen finally began, quiet again, “I ask that you stay back.”
“What?” Zelli squawked. He had been trying to ready himself for a polite refusal, not that.
“Stay back,” Tahlen said again. “With guards. With your grandmother, if that’s where she wants you. But whatever she decides, abide by it.Please.”
That was, of course, what any of the guards would say, although they would not have begged.
Zelli bit his lip. “Even if I think what she decides is wrong?”
Tahlen was quick to nod. “If it will keep you alive? Yes. Even if itiswrong and it means the end of your family. You can survive that,” he went on over Zelli’s soft protest. “Youwillsurvive that,” Tahlen insisted. “I will ensure it.”
He meant with his life. Which was also what any guard might say. But Tahlen was not any guard.
“You cannot lose me too?” Zelli guessed.
Tahlen closed his eyes. They stayed closed as he nodded again. When he finally looked at Zelli, his gaze was bright. That wasnothis version of Zelli’s aroused purple, Zelli realized belatedly. It was something else entirely.
“Why do I feel as though I won’t see you again once you go out the door?” Zelli wondered, his chest cold now although his heart was still pounding. His hands shook as he pulled at his necklace, scrambling to get the knot unbound so he could use his teeth on the leather.
“It’s only a message and The Tialttyrin is clever,” Tahlen said, deliberately mild and even. He swept his hands over Zelli’s shoulders. “Your skin is chilled and I know you didn’t get enough sleep. You should go back to bed.”
“Go back to bed!” Zelli was shivering uncontrollably now. He pulled hard, wincing as the knot finally came free against his neck. “How am I to court you if you’re dead?”
Tahlen paused, then bent his head to frown at him. “I will do what I will do, Zelli.”
Zelli closed the rowan tree in his fist. “That stupid oath.”
Tahlen looked from Zelli’s fist to Zelli’s shoulders, where a blue deeper than the midnight sky carried through the skin from the touch of Tahlen’s hands. “It has nothing to do with that oath,” Tahlen told him. “You know that now.”
