Afterward, after Tahlen had tried to clean Zelli and had snuck downstairs to bring him water, after Zelli had drowsily accepted countless strange, wonderful, apologetic kisses at the line of his hair and behind his ears, Zelli had rolled over and put his head on Tahlen’s chest to keep Tahlen from getting up again.
“Oh, Tahly, how you’ve sated me,” he told Tahlen’s frown, feeling like a rainbow in a dew drop, and allowed Tahlen to pull him up so that Zelli could rest in the crook of his arm.
Tahlen exhaled noisily.
Zelli kissed the patch of skin nearest his mouth, considering a bite but wanting Tahlen to rest. “Thank you.”
Tahlen turned his head, burying his nose in Zelli’s hair. He didn’t answer.
Fifteen
The room was dark when Zelli woke to Tahlen above him, dressed in his clothing from the night before and considering Zelli with the faintest furrow of concern in his brow. Tahlen’s hair was neatly braided once more.
The sight startled Zelli into a bit more awareness. He was beneath the covers of the bed and his cloak was elsewhere. He remained naked.
He had never slept so much while in one of his fevers. Not that he could have gotten much rest if the sky outside the window said it was before dawn. But even a little was more than usual. He stared at Tahlen with a stinging face and wondered if his blush was visible.
Tahlen did not comment on it or reach for Zelli. He said, “I meant to discuss this last night. We planned to leave at dawn, or earlier, to reach the Tialttyrin fortress before dark and hopefully avoid any other riders. But if you’re still unable, the Lyralinah guards can go on and I’ll stay here with you.”
Zelli shook his head, which helped clear it more. There was a heaviness in his bones, exhaustion and several nights without much sleep would do that. He was warm, but not burning up. It had only been a few hours of the fever. It was likely not over, which was what Tahlen was inquiring about. But the fever also didn’t feel like it ever had before at this stage, probably due to Tahlen’s dedication to pleasuring him.
Zelli pulled his hands from the blankets and put them to his cheeks. “I… I don’t know.”
“I’m not going to leave you.” Without more light, he couldn’t read Tahlen’s gaze or tell if Tahlen’s cheeks were darker or if those were shadows. “I only need to know if you want to travel today.”
Wanting toandbeing able towere different beasts.
“It will be embarrassing.” Even the ending phases of his fevers left Zelli sensitive. “I will react to… even a breeze, really. Or a look from you,” Zelli added, glancing away. “The need might build up again. Sometimes it does. But last night was,” he looked up to Tahlen’s eyes, “incredible.” Tahlen straightened. “And I don’t feel nearly as ravenous or empty as I usually do at this time. I think you slowed it down, or satisfied it more than my efforts usually do.” He chewed his lip thoughtfully, becoming aware that his lip stung and was split. “If it returns, it should hopefully be milder.”
Tahlen’s expression did not change. “But still embarrassing for you?”
Zelli flapped a hand and tried to clear his raw throat. He could not make his voice even. “What isn’t embarrassing for me? They all saw me yesterday, didn’t they? And heard me when I dreamed? What is another day of that?” he asked lightly as though he felt no shame. “It will go better for them with Grandmother if we are there. She and the guards won’t be as alarmed. And Let is thoughtful, but she won’t know how to appeal to Grandmother like I do. So, we should go. It’s only,” he took a deep breath, “a few more hours. I can bear it.”
He was always saying that. Tahlen looked at him but didn’t point that out. He said, almost cautiously, “I’ve brought some more water for you to wash if you’d like. It’s cold,” he added, warning, then paused. “And tea that will help with aches and pains.”
Zelli sat up at the idea of scrubbing some of the prickling warmth from his skin and hissed as the motion pulled his body in several directions. “Ah,” he exhaled slowly, waiting for the sensations to subside. “Muscles I didn’t know I had,” he realized aloud, like how his first time using a bow had pained his back and shoulders the next day. He didn’t usually bend himself as Tahlen had bent him, though it had felt fantastic at the time. What he recalled of it.
“I’m sorry,” Tahlen said, his posture so severe that he looked like the Tahlen Zelli had met at seventeen. “I shouldn’t have made you ride with me yesterday.” Zelli opened his mouth to object but Tahlen carried on. “Although I didn’t mean to, I added to your discomfort. Now you’re uncomfortable as well as sore, and we don’t have time for a hot bath, which would also help. But I’ll go see to the others while you attend to that, and bring you back something to eat.”
Zelli sank into the pillows which someone had piled behind him, suddenly tired and cold enough to want the blankets to cover his shoulders. Perhaps even his face. “You aren’t a servant, Tahlen. You’re not sworn to do that, either.”
“Do you truly believe this has to do with my oath?” Tahlen’s rather impatient question brought Zelli’s gaze up. Tahlen didn’t seem to have looked away. “I can do your hair when I return. If you like.”
“Oh.” Zelli pushed the blankets down. “Yours is already done. You must have risen very early. You didn’t sleep enough although—ah—that is my fault. The fault of my heritage, I suppose. At least partially. I would have enjoyed riding with you if not for… you know.” Zelli nodded quickly to be as orderly and professional as Tahlen. “I’ll just clean, then. And get ready.”
He didn’t shoo Tahlen from the room or even imply he should leave. But Tahlen was out the door by the time Zelli disentangled himself from the bedding and tumbled to the floor on startlingly shaky legs.
He wobbled for several moments, increasingly aware of sticky, itchy places, and rather uncomfortable stinging in intimate spots. The weight in his bones was serious but not unpleasant. He didn’t burn with fever, though he was too warm. The wrongness and discomfort were present, but last night must have satisfied that for a while as well.
Tahlen had folded Zelli’s cloak and left it by his pack and the pitcher of water. He’d also straightened the mess Zelli had made the night before. Steam rose from the tea.
Zelli ducked his head, warm now in an entirely different way.
Tahlen returned wearing his armor and cloak for travel.
“Did I misstep?” Zelli worried at him the moment the door opened.
That stopped Tahlen, then he came the rest of the way in and shut the door. His gaze skimmed over Zelli, clean and dressed, hair crackling from how quickly Zelli had combed it.
