“If they thought you were after them, they would assume you would catch them.” Cal didn’t say it for anyone else to hear. “So theyhadto get rid of you.”
“You’re still cold,” Ray answered. The magic shop had stone floors. The back door was open. It wasn’t warm enough for any fairies. “I can get you something hot to drink. We can sit at one of the tables.”
Cal didn’t say anything teasing about Ray focusing on others instead of himself. He held Ray tighter, then nodded, and stayed in Ray’s arms until they reached the counter inside the coffee shop.
***
TO RAY, the air outside was almost refreshing. He didn’t need his suit coat, but kept it on so his hands would be free. Several tables down, also in the patio area of the small coffee shop, Penn was on the phone talking with her mother. Ray tried not to listen. Penn would have to go home soon to shower and change, but right now she needed someone to vent to and a vengeance-inclined siren was a good audience for that. She was eating at least, picking at a muffin.
Not far away but in the opposite direction, Benny was on also the phone. He had elected to have his conversation in the car with the windows up and doors closed, for privacy. Ray tried not to listen to him either, although he did periodically glance over to each of them to make sure they were all right.
Across from Ray at their ridiculously tiny metal table, Cal pulled the lid off his raspberry hot chocolate with one shot of espresso poured over the top so he could scoop out the whipped cream with a plastic spoon. He ate the whipped cream in a single bite, then swirled the spoon into the drink without having any of it.
He’d insisted Ray get something, so a plain coffee with a splash of whole milk sat in front of Ray.
Cal was focused on the spoon, or seemed to be. Ray couldn’t judge from his wings, which were hidden beneath the sweatshirt. Cal had barely run a comb through his hair that morning, and it fell around his ears, the light bringing out the shades of gold and green among the brown. The light also revealed what might have been shadows beneath his eyes. Fairies neededsomesleep and Cal hadn’t gotten any.
Ray took a breath.
“You’re like the full moon on steroids,” Cal said before Ray managed a word, still intent on his hot chocolate. “That’s how bright you are right now. I don’t understand…” He swallowed. He had not yet directly referred to the implications of what Cassandra had said, but Ray had no doubt he was working through them right now. “I don’t understand how any of this would make you shinier.” He had a drink, then grimaced, though Ray didn’t think it was about the taste of the chocolate. “It started yesterday, even before you and Penn had that secret conversation that made you both look so grim. Then it got worse—better. And, by the way, you would think you would’ve learned the consequences of withholding information from me after last time… but of course, you don’t remember the last time.”
Ray studied Cal’s downturned face, glancing past him for just a moment, but he suspected Penn knew to give them this space. Benny probably as well. Cal had a good pack. He would, even without Ray.
“You’re known in the village,” Ray said, when he could. He kept his tone quiet, even. “Respected.”Admired, he would have added, but then Cal looked up and their eyes met. “Did you lose some of that for me?”
Cal hadn’t expected that question. His eyebrows drew together, then slowly went up. His shrug could’ve meant anything. “People are sort of torn, you know. They want to believe in justice and fairness and all that. It’s just they don’t experience it, like, ever. so. So…” He dropped his gaze back to his hot chocolate.
Ray kept a hand in his lap, one on the table. “Do you believe in it?”
Cal looked up faster this time, frowning in confusion, his cheeks red with emotion or the cool late morning air. “Justice? Or the legal system? Those are different things.” His scoff sounded forced but he made the attempt. “I work very hard to try to get people a fair shake.” His eyes were mesmerizing. His voice was soft. “Are you having another crisis, Ray?”
“Three solid days of them so far,” Ray responded, factual and wry. Cal didn’t laugh, but his lips did turn up. There wasn’t much to laugh at, Ray supposed. Ray was not a cop at the end of this story, one way or another. He wondered if Cal had realized it yet, or if, for once, Ray had thought of something first. He looked down, decided he should drink his coffee so Cal would drink some of his. “It seems my view of myself and the world was strongly tied to how I feel about you.”
“Ah.” It was a weak little sound. “I’m just a person, Ray. A half-fairy in a small but growing city.”
“Prince of Two Kingdoms.”
“Ah.” In response to Ray’s gruff joke, Cal made that sound again. But he did also stop to sip from his cup. “It’s not just me. A lot of people straddle two worlds. You, for example. Conflicted is a good word to describe you. You didn’t… well, you still might…” Cal looked at him before Ray could prepare himself for the probing stare. Then Cal nodded, almost to himself. “Since you brought it up, and since we might not have more time…. You don’t quite believe in what you do, Ray. You will expound upon the department’s many flaws constantly. You do not trust your coworkers. You would die for them. They admire you. They don’t trust you. Is it just police culture itself? Us versus Them is endless and unsustainable because there must always be a Them. I wonder. I did wonder. I still wonder.”
Cal had another sip, then held onto the spoon without stirring it. “You don’t talk a lot. Not in an emotionally distant way. More like, it just doesn’t occur to you to use words. It’s probably from growing up around mostly humans. You were full of werewolf impulses you couldn’t explain or they wouldn’t understand. I sometimes think, at some point, maybe when you were just a wee cub of a Ray, that youdecidedto be like this. First, with your family, then with everybody else. You’re… you’re very heroic, Ray. But, um… well,herodoes not always mean qualities that translate to law-abiding citizen, or dutiful, or obedient. But you are sogoodthat even with their distrust of your profession, other fairies speak longingly of you. So, the fact that you would tell me that you think your sense of self, of vocation or whatever, is tied to your memories ofme?” Cal expelled a breath. “I am flattered, but a bit scared, and so, so confused. Let me just process this. I will do that out loud, okay?”
“Okay.” Ray put both hands in his lap and curled them tight.
Cal plucked the spoon from the cup to tap it absently against a napkin someone had left on the table. “You were a role model when I met you. An example. A token, for lack of a better word. A werewolf in a suit, with a gun he didn’t ever draw, and a badge and a reputation. And then I showed up and you thought I was making fun of you.”
“Popsicles.” As Penn had indicated.
“Yes.” Cal sighed. “So I was a messy ho with no shame. I was everything people say disparagingly about fairies. And you wanted me.” He was soft again, warm and whisper quiet. “You chose me. And loved me. And were protective of me. But you could not believe me. Oh.” He went still. “Oh, I think I see. You didn’t believeyou. It had nothing to do with me—well, it had something to do with me, but not everything.”
Ray was starting to get a picture as well, although he didn’t think he would like it.
“You eventually abandoned the concern with your image—most of it. Your concern with perfect respectability, anyway. They had made you defensive.Imade you defensive, at first. Then you were mine, and you allowed me things my father could never have allowed my mother back in the day, even though they were a man and a woman, and should have been objectively more acceptable by the rules of the time. You will give me almost everything, Ray. To prove yourself to me, is that it? You put your faith in them, wantedthemto show you how to be a hero, and they couldn’t. So you followed me instead?”
Ray couldn’t remember, so he couldn’t answer that with any certainty. For all he knew, that was how the bond worked. Although Cal didn’t seem to think so.
Swirling eyes wouldn’t let Ray look away.
“Would that be a bad thing?” Ray finally asked. “Giving you everything?”
