“If you know that, then I must also bother you.” Cal was indeed lustful, although lust was an odd word for what he felt.Desirewas better, full of warmth that had nothing to do with Hellfire. “For I desire you. Very much.” Raymond’s lips parted. He took another breath, and this time, it was followed by an exhale that almost had the sound of Cal’s name. Cal wanted to tease him for it, but found he could not. He was too tense. “I’d thought this plain, before today, but perhaps it was not. If it is the sin that offends you, know it is not to us—to my mother’s kin.”
“It was plain,” Raymond said, direct and yet more confusing than ever. “I don’t care about the sin, either, if it is one.” Again, the words were harsh but Raymond’s tone was soft. When Raymond was soft, when he carved bits of wood into spoons with flowers on the ends and gave them to Callalily with the excuse that he had too many, and offered Cal ribbons of green and white to wear to the fairs Raymond did not attend, when he was giving and careful and distant, Cal could almost not bear the great ache in his heart.
He reached out and rested his palm lightly on the leather of Raymond’s clothes.
“Then, why?” Cal’s throat was tight. “Why do you not touch me or bring me to your bed?”
“As others do?” Raymond’s eyes seemed to reflect the moon, although it had not yet risen over the trees.
Cal pulled back his hand. “You don’t condemn the act; you condemn that I’ve done it before?”
Raymond let out a sound, a howl caught in his throat. “No.”
Cal gestured his confusion with that, then returned his hand to Raymond’s chest merely to give it a push, although he did not think he had the strength to force Raymond to move. “You bark at me like a dog but won’t speak like a man?” He wished his voice could be anything other than milk and honey, wished he could growl as much as his woodsman.
Raymond straightened. Cal had not even realized Raymond had been bowing his shoulders to bring them closer together until suddenly he rose up, tense and unhappy. “You are—”
“I amwhat?” Cal demanded before Raymond could finish, on his toes although he would never match Raymond’s height.
“Leaving,” Ray answered simply, soft again, and then looked up through the trees to the sky. “You’re leaving.” He took a long, deep breath and held it.
Cal dropped back down onto his heels and wrapped his arms around his chest. When that did not give him comfort, he spoke. “Aye. But while I am still here, you may have me, however you would like to.”
A shudder tore through Raymond’s body, and he lowered his head to look Cal full in the face, his eyes still bright. That sound left him again, the one that made Cal think of the creatures in this wood, both furred and magic, and the pounding of his own heart.
Raymond moved without a sound, and Cal found himself pushed backward until his shoulders were against rough bark. Raymond’s hands skimmed over his ribs through his tunic, then settled at his sides. No more than that, but Raymond was breathing harshly.
His breath was hot over the cold tip of Cal’s ear. “I would like to have you.”
Cal curled his fingers into the wool of Raymond’s sleeves, pleased at the heat and the taut feel of muscle. He tipped his head back. “And I have offered.” He offered now, his mouth ready to be plundered, but though Raymond leaned in to let Cal taste his words, he did not kiss him.
He brushed his nose across Cal’s cheek. “You will have many when you return to the Court.” He tugged at Cal’s green hood, pulling it down so he could breathe beneath Cal’s ear, and whine, very, very quietly, when Cal grasped whatever fabric he could to pull Raymond closer.
“I… no.” Cal was already squirming at this strange, barely there touching. He turned his head to allow more, and a passing hint of Raymond’s lips at his skin was nearly his undoing. “No.” His voice shook. “I think I shall be in mourning.” Raymond went still. Cal held him tighter. “Seven years I will be gone. It is blink there, and forever here. There is so much I will miss.” He dared further, sliding his hands up to Raymond’s shoulders and then his into his hair, coarse and thick. “So, will you not? With so little time left? If it will not break some vow or take your soul—or would you be forgiven if you lie with me? I have never been clear on that question, and the priests will not answer me.”
“Callalily,” Raymond said, low and unhappy, asking Cal to stop tempting him, as though his face was not buried in the crook of Cal’s neck.
“Isthere a vow?” Cal wondered with real surprise and then a hot burn of envy. He took pleasure in tangling his fingers in Raymond’s hair, only to then feel sorry and smooth it back down. “Who are you faithful to, my woodsman?” he whispered. “Who must I fight for you?” He petted the curls around Ray’s ears and enjoyed Raymond’s shiver. “I will. You were not meant to be alone. You were meant to have arms around you, and I will ensure it, even though they may not be mine. But I wish…”
Raymond kissed Cal on his cheekbone, made a rough, animal sound, then pulled Cal to his chest as though Cal were a feather. He ran his hands up and down Cal’s back and growled at the tip of his ear.
“You cannot stay here,” Raymond said, tugging Cal’s hood up and off his head so he could resettle at Cal’s neck and breathe deep against his bare throat. “They would never allow it,” he insisted, distressed for reasons Cal could not understand when Cal was so blissfully warm now. Raymond’s hands were on him, skimming over wool to find Cal’s heart, his ribs, the plane of his stomach. “They might continue to ignore it if we kept to these hidden meetings, but you could never stay. Not as my—they would not allow it.”
“They cannot touch me,” Cal reminded him breathlessly. “There would be consequences.”
Raymond tightened his hands and bit out frustrated words. “You keep saying that.”
Cal stopped as the realization hit him. “Have you been protecting me with this distance?” he gasped, outraged and happy in ways he had never expected to be, but then, he had never thought to beprotected. “Have you ached and burned with envy and desire as I have? Raymond,please. Please take me now.”
Raymond raised his head. His eyes were pained and beautiful. “This is more than a tumble.”
“Of course, it is,” Cal agreed, stroking Raymond’s hair and nearly standing on Raymond’s feet to reach his face. He pulled and Raymond came down to him, easily, with a weak sound that made Cal want to kiss him sweet and slow.
He did so, with heat licking through him. The cold air was nothing more than a distant shiver when this kiss became another, and Raymond urged him back against the oak once more. Raymond was tense, hard muscle under Cal’s hands but so yielding when Cal gave him kisses and offered his neck for Raymond’s breath, and his mouth, and eventually his teeth.
A hint of them, a scratch on delicate skin. Raymond whined quietly, as if he knew what he had done to Cal with just that, or maybe as if he wanted to do more, and Cal was abruptly certain he would have Raymond tonight. He opened his mouth to make the offer again, happy to warm Raymond’s bed, and Raymond sucked in a breath over Cal’s damp skin and lifted him from the ground.
Cal wrapped his legs around him and leaned back without fear, letting Raymond nip at his flesh and soothe the sting with kisses while pushing between his thighs. The world would know what Cal had done by the bark and moss ground into his tunic, the marks Raymond would leave on his skin, but he did not care.
