The sharp, angry parts of Zeki wanted to. The rest of him did not dare meet Theo’s warm eyes. “They’ve been waiting for a long time.” Some of the sharpness was in Zeki’s voice until he forced it out and tried once again to be someone sweet and worthy of Theo’s friendship. “They can wait a little longer for you.” He could tease, too.
“One gets tired of waiting, Zeki,” Theo replied after a pause. It felt to Zeki as though Theo wanted him to hear the hesitation, the silence and then the weight in his voice that said Theohadbeen lonely all this time.
They’d had so many conversations together at Zeki’s usual table and at this counter. Theo hadn’t once mentioned a hollow chest or restless nights. Zeki had no right to feel betrayed by that, or whatever the horrible feeling was that had a hold of him.
“So, you’ve decided.” Zeki now had no desire to eat the food in front of him. “To do this.” His words were stilted, obviously so. “Congratulations. I’m sure it will be a lively chase.” He was not a learned healer but a fool, punishing himself with every silly word spilling from his mouth. “You have someone in mind, then?” He shook his head and glanced up, alarmed and apologetic. Envy made him mean. “Do not listen to me. Your secrets are your own.”
“I do,” Theo answered simply, scattering Zeki’s already wild thoughts to the winds.
Zeki met Theo’s eyes, then blinked, though it did not help him absorb the blow. He felt suddenly very young, a boy again, shoving a bracelet at Theo before hurrying away.
“There is someone you want?” he asked, throat scraped raw.
Theo was no longer smiling. “I thought… I’ve always thought that was known.” He ran his gaze over Zeki’s face. “But it seems it wasn’t.”
Zeki did not want to imagine what Theo might feel, thinking of his beloved while looking at Zeki’s scars, so he ducked his head and methodically stacked the flatbread and napkin over the meat to hold in the warmth. He wanted to hurl the plate to the floor. It was not fair, but that did not matter. He would never have had even the chance to chase after Theo like the others.
“Zeki?” Theo said his name quietly. “You won’t ask who it is?”
“Do you want a charm for them?” Zeki asked dully. “One for encouragement, or perhaps confidence? You won’t need one. All you have to do is smile at them.” Zeki made a noise of panic, then growled at himself, doubtlessly only confusing poor Theo more. He risked a glance up, found Theo watching him with shining eyes. He was likely thinking of his beloved again. It didn’t make him any less wonderful. Zeki would agree to anything under that look, give Theo any charms he could to help speed his love along. “Of course, I can do that for you. Free of charge. A gift for your happiness.”
He was a fool. The biggest fool until one crossed the mountains.
“What?” Theo wondered, apparently lost at the turn the conversation had taken. That was yet another reason why he shouldn’t be wasting his time with Zeki.
“You’re busy,” Zeki muttered, trying not to think of his blushes, how awkward he must seem. “And I should go. Thank you again.” He bit his lip to stop any more nonsense from escaping his mouth, and grabbed his food, moving to the door and noting as he did that someone hurried over to take his place in front of Theo.
He didn’t wait to see who it was and if they were good enough. He wasn’t sure he could take that knowledge, at the moment, and, in any event, it did not matter.
Theo wanted this, so Zeki already knew he would do his best to ensure it would happen, with the greatest possible outcome.
HE REMINDED himself of that all through the night while regrets and curiosity plagued him. Because he was such an unparalleled fool and he could not sleep for wondering who Theo wanted and who had to want him in return, Zeki stayed up to make the promised charm, and then more besides. Theo deserved a gentle spouse and sweet dreams, and Zeki would likely never get the chance to work his magic for him again.
He could barely remember the sight of his bracelet gracing Theo’s wrist. The magic in it had been weak. Despite that, Theo had politely worn it for a few months before the threads had snapped. By then, Zeki had been orphaned and under the witch’s care, and Theo had been firmly out of his reach. Zeki had never made him anything else.
As he dug clay from the banks of the stream and ground up spring flowers by the light of the moon, Zeki imagined what would happen if he made similar charms and left them beneath the standing stone. A show of his skill for any potential suitors, although naturally, he would not make them love spells. Zeki’s offerings would go unanswered, but at least he would not be guilty of that.
Zeki’s magic had more strength now than he’d had as a boy. He would not have been a terrible choice for someone in town who wanted a spouse with steady work. If he were not so bitter, if he had been granted a life without scars, someone might have been pleased by a bracelet of protection, or a charm for better luck. His skills in exchange for someone’s heart, if they could see past the rest of him.
If there was anything to see.
Zeki did not like his thoughts in the hours before dawn, though he also often felt they were correct. But tonight, because Theo had asked—or simply because heneeded—Zeki pushed his despairing night thoughts aside to think only of Theo’s faithful heart.
When he was done, he put the charms outside to consider them critically while they caught the light of the fading moon and the rising sun. If these were his last offering, he wanted them perfect.
That they might have been viewed as courting gifts by some did not fail to occur to him, but Theo would know better, so the giving was safe.
ZEKI SLEPT FOR two or three hours, then woke in a daze and washed up before setting out from his home to the village while the early morning mists kept the streets still and quiet.
The inn was not truly ready for customers, though the door to the street was open. Theo’s parents were at a table, tea and sesame bread in front of them. Zeki had assumed they would question his presence, but though they stared when he staggered through the door, they merely pointed him toward the entrance to the kitchens and then grinned as he passed them.
Zeki smiled nervously at them in return, but was too tired and too nervous to bother them with questions. He’d had no reasons to enter Theo’s domain before, and paused once beyond the doorway to exhale in weary pleasure. The air smelled of dough and spices, as well as the heat from the fire and the ovens made him shiver. Theo must have made breakfast for everyone, and was now preparing something for later in the day, rolling out and flattening dough to paper thinness. At a different work counter, Theo’s assistant, Violet, was chopping herbs.
Theo’s hair was braided into a crown again, a few strands covered in flour and pushed behind an ear that was also dusted white. He had on a full shirt, although he had folded up the sleeves past his forearms.
He was reaching for butter when he saw Zeki. He almost dropped the dish. “Zeki?”
Violet turned to look at him, then Zeki, and smirked before continuing with their work.
