It would be so easy. Two deep slits and the demons would go away. My pain would be gone and I would be able to breathe again.
I hope it doesn’t cause too much pain. I hope Daryna and Alek never find out about it. Hopefully, Maxim keeps it to himself. I don’t even want my father to have the satisfaction of knowing what I did. Not because I think he would care, but because I know he would use it as a weapon against my siblings. He would tell them over and over about how I was a coward and ended my life. He would blame them, saying it was because of their behavior. He would twist and turn it until it traumatized them forever.
Tears fill my eyes as I think about it. I can only hope that Maxim is too embarrassed about losing an asset that he refuses to tell my father about me. I hope he lies and says he has me locked up in a basement and that he is abusing me all the time. I want him to sully my name every time it is brought up.
I hope he keeps this secret.
Using my left hand, I dig the scissors into my right. The pain is immediate. It burns, but I keep going until the blood is flowing, swirling into the water like a bath bomb would. I feel a little dizzy at the sight, but I push on. Switching hands, I use my right to repeat the action on my left.
Once the wounds are created, I let the scissors drop to the floor outside of the tub. Then I sit there, looking at my life essence draining into the tub.
How can something so vital to your existence be so pretty? The way it creates designs in the water as each droplet hits the surface.
The tears fall freely as I’m captivated by the blood.
It’s almost over.
Sobs overtake me as I slide down into the tub. I lie my head back, looking up at the ceiling.
“Forgive me, Lord. I’m weak. Take care of Daryna and Alek.” I speak to the sky.
I don’t even know if I believe in God, but it’s worth a shot. Anything I can do to help them, even if it’s just a prayer.
My vision becomes blurry as I think I hear a sound. Looking over, I realize I’m bleeding outside of the tub. Panic hits me all of a sudden. I didn’t want to make a mess for him. I am so stupid. I should have paid better attention.
Pulling my arms inside the tub, I close my eyes.
Only a little bit longer now.
I hope that if there is a god, he grants me peace. That he allows me to rest because I’m exhausted.
I don’t want to be in hell anymore.
I only want to be free.
Stepping through the door, I quickly turn off the alarm. My arms are full of groceries. I refuse to make a second trip.
“Olena?” I call out.
When she doesn’t answer, I frown. Dropping the groceries on the floor, I head to the bedroom. I find the bathroom door closed.
Pressing my ear to it, I hear the splash of water.
I smile.
I’m glad she’s taking a bath.
Heading back into the kitchen, I take my time putting food away. After about twenty minutes, I go back to the door and listen.
I don’t hear anything.
Knocking, I call out, “Olena?”
She doesn’t answer.
Looking down, I see the chain going under the door. I pull on it slightly, but it doesn’t budge.
My heart starts to race.
