“Of course.”
“So what did you want to talk about?”
Taking a deep breath, I jump right in. “I’m sorry.”
She raises a brow. “Sorry for?”
“For everything?” I say, making us both laugh for a moment. “For real, I’m so sorry for last year. For all the years before then. For not being what you needed. Even more than that. For not noticing that I wasn’t being what you needed. My selfishness knew no bounds, and you got caught in the crossfire. I took advantage of you. Of the friendship you were offering me. I was an idiot, and I fucked it all up. You will never know how deeply I regret it.”
“So just everything,” she jokes, winking at me.
“Everything.” I nod.
Grace bites her bottom lip as she plays with the straw in her shake. I know she’s trying to gather her thoughts, so I wait her out.
“You caused me a lot of pain. I think part of me broke in the eleventh grade when you told me we could never be together.”
My heart feels like it’s in a vise.
“I know. I was in such a shitty place then. I had this hockey career ahead of me. Girls were throwing themselves at me. Then you, the only woman I ever trusted, said you wanted to be with me, and I panicked. Part of me wanted to say yes to spare your feelings and fulfill my mom’s wishes. The other part couldn’t handle the thought of having to fake it with you. I knew if I had said yes, we would have broken up, and my best friend would be gone. It was a shitty way to let you down, but I didn’t know what else to do. It broke my heart to watch you run off to the bathroom to cry. I never forgot about it.”
Her eyes look glassy now. I really hope she doesn’t cry. I could never handle her tears.
“Back then, it felt like the end of the world, but you know what I’ve learned?” she asks.
“What?” I ask.
“Sometimes we have to face some really tough times to be able to appreciate the good ones. Each experience you have helps you build character. It’s not about what you go through, it’s about how you react to it. Not only that, but when you do make a mistake, how do you learn from it and try to be better.”
I nod solemnly. I didn’t react well. I hope I’m learning, though.
“You should know I forgive you.”
I feel my body relax at her words. Thank fuck.
“But you know it wasn’t all your fault, right?”
I shake my head, caught off guard. “Wait, what?”
“Yeah, you did shit last year that never should have happened. You should have taken my rejection the first time and respected what I wanted, but it wasn’t entirely your fault. I let you walk all over me for years. We did everything you wanted to do, and I did it happily. I was good with it at the time. I thought I could wait forever for you to love me back, but that wasn’t fair to you. It wasn’t fair to push my feelings on you so hard. Especially now that I know you felt that pressure from your mom too. You could have never loved me the way that I needed.”
“I couldn’t, and it fucking kills me. I wanted to,” I murmur.
Grace nods. “I know you did. I might not have known it at the time, but I knew it when I saw the way you were attempting to fight for me. Your heart wasn’t in it. Maybe things would have been different if I told you what I wanted or if I had yelled at you for how you were treating me, but we will never know. As far as I’m concerned, though, it’s water under the bridge. We’ve both moved on, and we’re happy. You are happy, right?” she presses.
“For the most part, yeah.”
“What aren’t you happy about?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.
“I miss our friendship. I miss my best friend. I love Cora, and she’s becoming my best friend, but…”
“But sometimes you need one who isn’t your partner.” She smiles.
“Exactly.”
“I miss you too sometimes,” she confesses.
“Don’t say that too loud or Peyton might hear you.,” I tease, making her laugh.
